Sorry that this is a day later than normal. On Tuesday afternoon at work, I suddenly, unexpectedly, had... work to do. I hope this doesn't become a regular occurence!
Round Ten
The Top Ten Reasons Why Rossi Didn’t Win In Sachsenring.
10. Randy de Puniet. The ever horny Frenchman (He picks up girls with the line: “Hi, I’m Randy. Are You?”) knows how superstitious Rossi is. When the Doctor went past on lap 5, he shouted out: “Oi, your furry #46 has fallen off.” Rossi panicked, and went sliding Valencia-style into the gravel. Afterwards, it was no surprise that de Puniet failed to finish the race because of ‘mechanical’ problems; Rossi was heard cursing him all the way back to the pits...
9. Michelin. Only an ..... could make a front tyre than was still cold 5 laps in, what with track temperatures soaring to 50 degrees Celsius. I guess the rumours are true: that fat white blobby guy isn’t just their mascot—he’s the head of Research and Development at Michelin.
8. USA GP Promotion. Rossi’s DNF let ‘Trick Doody’ have another podium, and the Texan ‘sack of hot air’ finish as top Yamaha rider. Interest from the locals for Laguna Seca no doubt spiked appreciably. On ya, Valentino, always doin’ what you can to help the sport grow.
7. No commando style. Pants less riding won it for Rossi at Assen, but, when the adrenalin stopped flowing and the post-race excitement died down, the ugly side to balls out racing became apparent: because his leathers had split at the crotch, ‘Little Rossi’ suffered a severe case of wind burn. If the tackle flopped onto the tank again during this race--with only a week between Sachsenring and Laguna Seca--Rossi would land Stateside still peeling and tender. So the pants went back on, and the pick, pick, picking resumed. On balance, it was probably a wise decision; as that’s one place that you wouldn’t want to get gravel rash...
6. Fever dreams. Rossi was apparently feeling a bit under the weather at Sachsenring; it was reported that he had a higher temperature than his Michelins ever managed. His feverish mind was causing flashbacks to Valencia, and just like that fateful October 29th the pressure told... er, I mean, his impatience to chase down the leaders got the better of him once more.
5. Uccio’s cosplay experiment went horribly wrong. Rossi’s been having a tough time lately off-track, and practice at Sachsenring wasn’t going well, either. Enter Vale’s constant companion with a plan to lift up his spirits. However, it will come as a surprise to absolutely no one that Uccio in Lederhosen is not a good look. Neither is Uccio in a gas mask and rubber suit, acting out German-themed scatological ..... You and I would have a hard enough time concentrating on work after that, with the mental images the above conjures forth. Consider that Rossi actually saw this in the flesh: it’s a wonder that he didn’t go straight on at turn one on the first lap...
4. His Yamaha is crap. The engineers down there in Shizuoka must have the three tuning forks shoved up their arseholes. What kind of engine overheats by sucking the heat out of the tyres?
3. He’s getting his annual race crash out of the way early in 2007. Qatar in 2004 (tattle-tale Gibernau’s fault) and Motegi in 2005 (that ....., Melandri, got his leg in the way of Rossi’s footpeg) were late in the season, but at least there were races afterwards for the Doctor to redeem himself. Not so Valencia in 2006. That made for a long off-season of replay after replay showing how a glacial-speed low-slide can lose a world championship. Rossi didn’t want anything like that to happen this year, so now the once-yearly “Rossi KO” is already over and done with.
2. Pity for Pedrosa. It had been over a year since the man-child had taken a win. Alberto—because he’s a winner, used to winning (look at his own 500cc career)—was angry at HRC and the world in general, and also being really mean in the motorhome. Rossi, heartily sick of listening to Dani-boy whining and sobbing outside his door night after night, realised that something had to be done. So he binned it on lap 5 and let the wee little one claim victory.
And the number one reason why Rossi didn’t win in Sachsenring:
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. It’s easy for all of us to say that Rossi should have let the race come to him, given the second half pace Hayden and Edwards showed. But he’d spent a couple of laps trying to overtake de Puniet at the obvious places (turn 1, and going down the hill on the other side of the track to where he crashed), and the Kawasaki rider was strong in those places. If de Puniet was putting up this much of a challenge, what of Capirossi, Hopkins, Melandri, Stoner and Pedrosa to come? And those riders ahead were starting to disappear into the distance as well. So Rossi got creative, put a good move on de Puniet, but unfortunately asked more of his tyres in that corner than the laws of physics will allow. Luckily for him Stoner became tentative in the second half of the race, dropping from 2nd to 5th. Given the pace Stoner had shown all weekend, Rossi, as he trudged back to the pits, probably thought he would head to Laguna 46 points behind, so to head to the USA 32 points down isn’t the end of the world.
