A Top Ten Guide...
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This is a message to say that the new Top Ten post could be as much as a week late, because I probably won't get to watch the race until next Thursday or Friday.
I hope it will be worth the wait.
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Round Twelve
The Top Ten Reasons Why Rossi Didn’t Win In Brno.
10. Colin Edwards. Rossi is upset that the Texan ‘tyre-testing-.....’ is leaving Fiat Yamaha and being replaced by a cocky little .... with an oral fixation. Still, if “Mr. Michelin” can find a way to crash on cold tyres—when was the last time that happened in MotoGP?—then maybe Rossi is better off without him.
9. Mind Games. He is trying to lure Stoner into a true sense of security. Or something... The championship is just a dream now—according to Burgess. Wait a minute. Who’s playing mind games with whom? JB and Rossi? I know one thing, though: If Rossi wins in Misano, and Stoner comes 5th, the margin will be 46 points. That’ll spook Stoner, for sure: #46.will.be.gunning.for.you.bogan.
8. Loris Capirossi. Rossi couldn’t get past Capirossi early in the race, when he might have had a chance of sticking with Repsol Hondas. But don’t think for one moment that Capirossi has the slightest intention of helping Stoner or Ducati to the title. He wants to beat Rossi for different reasons. With little Loris and his greedy manager having shot themselves in the foot at Ducati they vowed to try something different with Suzuki. Paul Denning and co. couldn’t believe their luck when “Tetsuya’s bane” signed on for only $1,000. Until they noticed the fine print in Capirossi’s demands, that is: each race that he finishes ahead of Rossi in 2007 adds another zero to his contract. A few more strong finishes from #65 and he’ll be the highest paid rider on the grid by far next year.
7. Cone of Silence. Rossi refused to speak to the media all weekend (lucky for him he didn’t qualify on the front row, or finish on the podium; those press conferences would’ve been awkward). It was tough, actually, for “Mr. MotoGP” to keep his mouth shut the whole time, but he managed to do so with the aid of a special cone of silence. The only problem was that he forgot to take it off when he was communicating with his crew. They had to get by with lip reading, sign language and gestures—with somewhat mixed results:
Just before going out on the sighting lap, Rossi wanted to change to a harder front tyre, but his crew couldn’t understand. This went on for some time until Rossi snapped. He screwed up his face and bellowed, “Read my lips!” over and over. Alex Briggs was the first to work it out: “He’s got the ......” He passed him Edwards’ helmet, saying, “No worries, mate, use this. Someone get him a roll of bog paper.” Edwards’ crew chief was horrified, “What do I tell the soon-to-be Texan ‘chocolate pudding’ about his helmet?” “Tell him it’s a special new cream, a baldness cure; he’ll love it!” “But... but...” CE’s man protested, “Won’t he notice the smell?” “Of course not, mate,” said Alex. “It’s Valentino. There’s no smell...”
6. Sylvain Guintoli. The ruthless Frenchie—just ask the Hoff—pulled off the con job of the season when he swapped all of the Tech 3 and Dunlop signage for Fiat and Michelin on Thursday night. Rossi, doing a bit of late-night sticker-fondling after qualifying on Saturday, noticing his Wudy was out by a few millimetres, finally got wise to the switch and took his bike back, but never noticed the change in tyres...
5. The ‘fro. Whatever it was that Rossi was up to during the summer break, it didn’t involve going anywhere near a hairdresser. His gay-looking-yellow-golf-hat-visor-thing was perched very precariously amidst all that big hair, and he had a lot of trouble getting his helmet on. The resultant squeeze on his brain caused a lack of oxygen which left him dizzy and disoriented all weekend.
4. Casey Stoner. He’s got Rossi’s mojo. The theft was believed to have been carried out while Rossi was sharing a tender moment with Uccio, basking in his Mugello success. The results of both riders since then (131 points vs. 80 points) is proof enough...
3. Michelin. Isn’t it always their fault? Sigh... However, I can now finally reveal the truth about Michelin’s woes in 2007. It isn’t because of the new tyre limits, or the ban on overnight specials (not that Rossi ever used them, of course!). It’s because Michelin’s R & D department is actually funded by the Italian Ministry of Finance, and this year it seems they’ve come up a little ($112 million) short, for some reason.
2. No special livery. Apart from Jerez (which, after all, did have that special post-race celebration), Rossi’s only won this year when his kit has been tricked out (or pimped up, if you prefer). When you’ve sprayed the Moet from the top step 87 times before, it does take something special to make you want to do it again...
And the number one reason why Rossi didn’t win in Brno:
See the entry for Laguna Seca. Lather, rinse, repeat. Except this time Hopkins, Hayden and Capirossi did finish the race. So Rossi had to settle for 7th and not 4th. At this point, Rossi can no longer beat Stoner for the title. Only Stoner himself can do that now...
The Top Ten Reasons Why Rossi Didn’t Win In Brno.
10. Colin Edwards. Rossi is upset that the Texan ‘tyre-testing-.....’ is leaving Fiat Yamaha and being replaced by a cocky little .... with an oral fixation. Still, if “Mr. Michelin” can find a way to crash on cold tyres—when was the last time that happened in MotoGP?—then maybe Rossi is better off without him.
9. Mind Games. He is trying to lure Stoner into a true sense of security. Or something... The championship is just a dream now—according to Burgess. Wait a minute. Who’s playing mind games with whom? JB and Rossi? I know one thing, though: If Rossi wins in Misano, and Stoner comes 5th, the margin will be 46 points. That’ll spook Stoner, for sure: #46.will.be.gunning.for.you.bogan.
8. Loris Capirossi. Rossi couldn’t get past Capirossi early in the race, when he might have had a chance of sticking with Repsol Hondas. But don’t think for one moment that Capirossi has the slightest intention of helping Stoner or Ducati to the title. He wants to beat Rossi for different reasons. With little Loris and his greedy manager having shot themselves in the foot at Ducati they vowed to try something different with Suzuki. Paul Denning and co. couldn’t believe their luck when “Tetsuya’s bane” signed on for only $1,000. Until they noticed the fine print in Capirossi’s demands, that is: each race that he finishes ahead of Rossi in 2007 adds another zero to his contract. A few more strong finishes from #65 and he’ll be the highest paid rider on the grid by far next year.
7. Cone of Silence. Rossi refused to speak to the media all weekend (lucky for him he didn’t qualify on the front row, or finish on the podium; those press conferences would’ve been awkward). It was tough, actually, for “Mr. MotoGP” to keep his mouth shut the whole time, but he managed to do so with the aid of a special cone of silence. The only problem was that he forgot to take it off when he was communicating with his crew. They had to get by with lip reading, sign language and gestures—with somewhat mixed results:
Just before going out on the sighting lap, Rossi wanted to change to a harder front tyre, but his crew couldn’t understand. This went on for some time until Rossi snapped. He screwed up his face and bellowed, “Read my lips!” over and over. Alex Briggs was the first to work it out: “He’s got the ......” He passed him Edwards’ helmet, saying, “No worries, mate, use this. Someone get him a roll of bog paper.” Edwards’ crew chief was horrified, “What do I tell the soon-to-be Texan ‘chocolate pudding’ about his helmet?” “Tell him it’s a special new cream, a baldness cure; he’ll love it!” “But... but...” CE’s man protested, “Won’t he notice the smell?” “Of course not, mate,” said Alex. “It’s Valentino. There’s no smell...”
6. Sylvain Guintoli. The ruthless Frenchie—just ask the Hoff—pulled off the con job of the season when he swapped all of the Tech 3 and Dunlop signage for Fiat and Michelin on Thursday night. Rossi, doing a bit of late-night sticker-fondling after qualifying on Saturday, noticing his Wudy was out by a few millimetres, finally got wise to the switch and took his bike back, but never noticed the change in tyres...
5. The ‘fro. Whatever it was that Rossi was up to during the summer break, it didn’t involve going anywhere near a hairdresser. His gay-looking-yellow-golf-hat-visor-thing was perched very precariously amidst all that big hair, and he had a lot of trouble getting his helmet on. The resultant squeeze on his brain caused a lack of oxygen which left him dizzy and disoriented all weekend.
4. Casey Stoner. He’s got Rossi’s mojo. The theft was believed to have been carried out while Rossi was sharing a tender moment with Uccio, basking in his Mugello success. The results of both riders since then (131 points vs. 80 points) is proof enough...
3. Michelin. Isn’t it always their fault? Sigh... However, I can now finally reveal the truth about Michelin’s woes in 2007. It isn’t because of the new tyre limits, or the ban on overnight specials (not that Rossi ever used them, of course!). It’s because Michelin’s R & D department is actually funded by the Italian Ministry of Finance, and this year it seems they’ve come up a little ($112 million) short, for some reason.
2. No special livery. Apart from Jerez (which, after all, did have that special post-race celebration), Rossi’s only won this year when his kit has been tricked out (or pimped up, if you prefer). When you’ve sprayed the Moet from the top step 87 times before, it does take something special to make you want to do it again...
And the number one reason why Rossi didn’t win in Brno:
See the entry for Laguna Seca. Lather, rinse, repeat. Except this time Hopkins, Hayden and Capirossi did finish the race. So Rossi had to settle for 7th and not 4th. At this point, Rossi can no longer beat Stoner for the title. Only Stoner himself can do that now...
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Well done Rising.
another well thought out edition and well worth the extra wait
thanks
another well thought out edition and well worth the extra wait
thanks
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Rising Sun @ Aug 25 2007, 06:45 PM) [snapback]86803[/snapback]<div class='quotemain'>
7. Cone of Silence. Rossi refused to speak to the media all weekend (lucky for him he didn’t qualify on the front row, or finish on the podium; those press conferences would’ve been awkward). It was tough, actually, for “Mr. MotoGP” to keep his mouth shut the whole time, but he managed to do so with the aid of a special cone of silence. The only problem was that he forgot to take it off when he was communicating with his crew. They had to get by with lip reading, sign language and gestures—with somewhat mixed results:
6. Sylvain Guintoli. The ruthless Frenchie—just ask the Hoff—pulled off the con job of the season when he swapped all of the Tech 3 and Dunlop signage for Fiat and Michelin on Thursday night. Rossi, doing a bit of late-night sticker-fondling after qualifying on Saturday, noticing his Wudy was out by a few millimetres, finally got wise to the switch and took his bike back, but never noticed the change in tyres...
5. The ‘fro. Whatever it was that Rossi was up to during the summer break, it didn’t involve going anywhere near a hairdresser. His gay-looking-yellow-golf-hat-visor-thing was perched very precariously amidst all that big hair, and he had a lot of trouble getting his helmet on. The resultant squeeze on his brain caused a lack of oxygen which left him dizzy and disoriented all weekend.
4. Casey Stoner. He’s got Rossi’s mojo. The theft was believed to have been carried out while Rossi was sharing a tender moment with Uccio, basking in his Mugello success. The results of both riders since then (131 points vs. 80 points) is proof enough...
3. Michelin. Isn’t it always their fault? Sigh... However, I can now finally reveal the truth about Michelin’s woes in 2007. It isn’t because of the new tyre limits, or the ban on overnight specials (not that Rossi ever used them, of course!). It’s because Michelin’s R & D department is actually funded by the Italian Ministry of Finance, and this year it seems they’ve come up a little ($112 million) short, for some reason.
2. No special livery. Apart from Jerez (which, after all, did have that special post-race celebration), Rossi’s only won this year when his kit has been tricked out (or pimped up, if you prefer). When you’ve sprayed the Moet from the top step 87 times before, it does take something special to make you want to do it again...
And the number one reason why Rossi didn’t win in Brno:
See the entry for Laguna Seca. Lather, rinse, repeat. Except this time Hopkins, Hayden and Capirossi did finish the race. So Rossi had to settle for 7th and not 4th. At this point, Rossi can no longer beat Stoner for the title. Only Stoner himself can do that now...
As a relatively new member on the forum I had the fun of being able to read all the previous Top 10 posts here one straight after the other, which was priceless!!!
I have so many personal favs that it would take to long to list them all but a couple are, anything involving that "....... Elias", clever "cracks" about Vale & Uccio and anything similar to the "Texan Summer Breeze"!
Just tickles my funny bone!!
And the above cut are my personal picks for this time round...
well done Rising Sun!
7. Cone of Silence. Rossi refused to speak to the media all weekend (lucky for him he didn’t qualify on the front row, or finish on the podium; those press conferences would’ve been awkward). It was tough, actually, for “Mr. MotoGP” to keep his mouth shut the whole time, but he managed to do so with the aid of a special cone of silence. The only problem was that he forgot to take it off when he was communicating with his crew. They had to get by with lip reading, sign language and gestures—with somewhat mixed results:
6. Sylvain Guintoli. The ruthless Frenchie—just ask the Hoff—pulled off the con job of the season when he swapped all of the Tech 3 and Dunlop signage for Fiat and Michelin on Thursday night. Rossi, doing a bit of late-night sticker-fondling after qualifying on Saturday, noticing his Wudy was out by a few millimetres, finally got wise to the switch and took his bike back, but never noticed the change in tyres...
5. The ‘fro. Whatever it was that Rossi was up to during the summer break, it didn’t involve going anywhere near a hairdresser. His gay-looking-yellow-golf-hat-visor-thing was perched very precariously amidst all that big hair, and he had a lot of trouble getting his helmet on. The resultant squeeze on his brain caused a lack of oxygen which left him dizzy and disoriented all weekend.
4. Casey Stoner. He’s got Rossi’s mojo. The theft was believed to have been carried out while Rossi was sharing a tender moment with Uccio, basking in his Mugello success. The results of both riders since then (131 points vs. 80 points) is proof enough...
3. Michelin. Isn’t it always their fault? Sigh... However, I can now finally reveal the truth about Michelin’s woes in 2007. It isn’t because of the new tyre limits, or the ban on overnight specials (not that Rossi ever used them, of course!). It’s because Michelin’s R & D department is actually funded by the Italian Ministry of Finance, and this year it seems they’ve come up a little ($112 million) short, for some reason.
2. No special livery. Apart from Jerez (which, after all, did have that special post-race celebration), Rossi’s only won this year when his kit has been tricked out (or pimped up, if you prefer). When you’ve sprayed the Moet from the top step 87 times before, it does take something special to make you want to do it again...
And the number one reason why Rossi didn’t win in Brno:
See the entry for Laguna Seca. Lather, rinse, repeat. Except this time Hopkins, Hayden and Capirossi did finish the race. So Rossi had to settle for 7th and not 4th. At this point, Rossi can no longer beat Stoner for the title. Only Stoner himself can do that now...
As a relatively new member on the forum I had the fun of being able to read all the previous Top 10 posts here one straight after the other, which was priceless!!!
I have so many personal favs that it would take to long to list them all but a couple are, anything involving that "....... Elias", clever "cracks" about Vale & Uccio and anything similar to the "Texan Summer Breeze"!
Just tickles my funny bone!!
And the above cut are my personal picks for this time round...
well done Rising Sun!
somedamnwriter
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I have tears in my eyes, laughing the whole time!
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Freakking Hilarious!!!! The one about the finance ministry coming up short was the one that literally had me choking on my morning cereal. I practically had to do the Heimlich maneuver on myself. Damn Sun, you should put a disclaimer like a "spoiler" marker at least. Something like:
STOP-IF YOU PROCEED IN READING FURTHER, YOU MAY EXPERIENCE UNCONTROLLED LAUGHING THAT MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH.
STOP-IF YOU PROCEED IN READING FURTHER, YOU MAY EXPERIENCE UNCONTROLLED LAUGHING THAT MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH.
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Oh, can't wait for Sunday
LMAO!!!
LMAO!!!
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As always, thanks for the kind words, people. Though I do worry, that if you guys keep blowing smoke up my arse at this rate, that I'll need colonic irrigation before the end of the season!
somedamnwriter
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Rising Sun @ Aug 29 2007, 07:30 AM) [snapback]87331[/snapback]<div class='quotemain'>
Though I do worry, that if you guys keep blowing smoke up my arse at this rate, that I'll need colonic irrigation before the end of the season!
and all this time i thought you do that every post gp week...
Though I do worry, that if you guys keep blowing smoke up my arse at this rate, that I'll need colonic irrigation before the end of the season!
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(somedamnwriter @ Aug 29 2007, 10:05 PM) [snapback]87457[/snapback]<div class='quotemain'>
and all this time i thought you do that every post gp week...
Every post GP week!
Oh, the humanity! 18 of those in a year, and I'd be, ahem, looser than Rossi will be after his duties at the 2008 Mardi Gras in Sydney...
Every post GP week!
somedamnwriter
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Rising Sun @ Aug 31 2007, 10:01 PM) [snapback]87852[/snapback]<div class='quotemain'>
Every post GP week!
Oh, the humanity! 18 of those in a year, and I'd be, ahem, looser than Rossi will be after his duties at the 2008 Mardi Gras in Sydney...
oh god, the mental picture is a torture... now I won't be able to sleep!
Every post GP week!
oh god, the mental picture is a torture... now I won't be able to sleep!
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