<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ May 22 2007, 06:31 PM)
<{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Round Five
The Top Ten Reasons Why Rossi Didn't Win In Le Mans:
10. Colin "My-bike-has-a-reverse-gear" Edwards. His bizarre choice to use Hayden's 2006-Phillip-Island-spec clutch and launch control settings brought the pity clause into effect again. Rossi finished six places ahead of CE instead of the mandated four because that's the difference between pity and pitiful.
9. His rain tyre tore itself to pieces. Freeze-frame the on-board bike shots; it's there for all to see. When Rossi said after the race that his tyre looked like new, he obviously meant like a new
slick tyre.
8. Sylvain Guintoli. When the "Rookie of the Year" high-sided in front of Rossi at the chicane, the Doctor .... himself. It wasn't long before copious amounts of brown found its way onto his tyres and had him sliding all over the place. One thing's for sure: with Stoner and then Hayden afterwards following him closely for several laps it proves once and for all that Rossi's .... does NOT stink.
7. Jeremy Burgess. Rossi's crew chief is from South Australia. It's the driest state on the driest continent in the world. What would he know about wet weather?
6. Ant West's mechanics--who apparently can't tell the difference between a tyre warmer and a leg warmer--worked on the B bike. Enough said.
5. Reading an advance copy of "The way to win a world championship (and tips on breeding top hogs)" by 'Trick Daddy' has had a profound effect on him. It explains his 60% podium/40% top 10 finish ratio in 2007. It also explains why he why struggled somewhat all weekend at Le Mans--having just finished the section on pig breeding he couldn't get the image of Hayden's Laguna Seca Podium Dance, lipstick, and a 150kg sow wallowing in the mud out of his mind.
4. His Yamaha is crap. Obviously. Edwards said it's the best bike out there, but when has anything he's predicted or claimed ever come true?
3. DePuniet's revenge. Still seething from Rossi's reckless Elias-style move at the first chicane in 2006's French Grand Prix (and the utter lack of apology), the 'Frenchman-with-an-American-first-name' sabotaged Mr. 7 times' race in a manner that was uniquely French. He smeared snail sperm (believe me, you do not want to know how he collected it) all over Rossi's tyres. Poor Vale never had a chance. By the way, the fact that Randy crashed out while leading the race in no way suggests that he... ahem, 'choked'.
2. He did win the race. What the hell are all you people talking about? As if a mole could win in the wet. Look, Rossi won by a country mile, in spite of the fact that his back tyre had shredded so badly he was riding on the rim. Edwards, his wonderful team mate who always ''brings it" on raceday finished second, and rookie sensation Guintoli rounded out a memorable all-Yamaha podium in third. Also, after numerous attempts in practice, Elias finally knocked Stoner off of that ridiculously unfair hypersonic Ducati of his. So now Vale's leading the championship again, as is his natural born right. Wait... are these new double strength glasses I've been wearing affecting my eyesight? Why do I suddenly love the colour yellow? Hmmm... I miss Uccio, too. I think I need to go and lie down...
And the number one reason why Rossi didn't win in Le Mans:
He made a great start, and was riding well in the early laps before the conditions changed. Then the death or glory types came to the front, but, even so, he stayed ahead of Stoner after the change of bikes. However a poor choice of tyre ruined the second half of his race. Still, he brought the bike home in very difficult circumstances--helped by the large number of DNFs--finishing a respectable sixth. Not what he was hoping for, I'm sure, but he heads to Mugello with double the number of points he had this time last year...
Brilliant!! Simply brilliant
