A Top Ten Guide...

Good call frosty

Sun that is excellent stuff!

Thanks for all the responses, people. You are too kind.

Hmm, pinning the thread, Frosty... the pressure's on now; but I'm sure the spectacle that is MotoGP will deliver!

One of the reasons why I would want to go back to the site! Thanks mate!

Round Six

The Top Ten Reasons Why Rossi Won In Mugello.

10. Colin Edwards. Now that the 'Texan Light Breeze' is as crap in qualifying as he is during the races, the pity clause in his contract has been consigned to the dust bin (with Colin's GP career surely soon to follow). Rossi can race now as he pleases, without worrying how bad it makes his teammate look.

9. Italian Sponsor. Italian Rider. Italian Circuit. Italian Organised Crime. Join the dots.

8. Alvaro Bautista. Because the pretty boy tiddler king took out Chubba-chump on the last lap of the 250cc race that meant there were no drawn-out victory celebrations from the "biggest-thing-to-hit-MotoGP-ever" and so no delay to the start of the MotoGP race. [Apparently, on average, his antics take over 45 minutes--since that's the gap between races.] Rossi was then able to complete his meticulous superstition-filled preparations at the proper time.

7. The Roman Catholic Church. The unholy trinity of Jacque, Vermeulen and West tried to use black magic to bring about a wet race. But His Holiness in the Vatican City sensed the evil spell forming and ordered his priests to countermand it, thus ensuring a dry race.

6. Casey Stoner. The jug-eared one (does his wife pull on them when... never mind) unwisely accepted Rossi's gift of a 'lucky' coin (the one the Doctor uses to make his race tyre choices with: if it comes down with the HRC symbol his choice is conservative, if it lands on the Yamaha tuning forks side, he gambles). Vale explained that, since the coin seemed to be working to Bridgestones' advantage now, Casey might as well have it. Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth (Stoner is on record as saying that 'history' is a Michael Jackson Best Of CD, and, when asked if he'd ever read Homer, he replied, "I've seen every episode of The Simpsons, but I didn't know they made them into books, too") Casey used the coin and, of course, chose the wrong tyres.

5. All You Need Is Love. Having picked up Barros' old helmet by mistake, Rossi was initially at a loss for his "Mugello theme" this year. But when his eyes met Uccio's across the pit garage on the Friday evening he realised that it would be wrong to deny the strength of his feelings any longer. And so, riding with his heart and his head, Rossi's aura was so strong that he was unbeatable. Hopkin's jealousy was evident in the early laps, but he soon wilted in the face of true love. Melandri is in love with Biaggi so he stayed as far away as possible. Stoner and Capirossi dropped back because--being happily married men--they're not into that sort of thing. Barros isn't like that either--he just wanted his helmet back. Predictably, Pedrosa was the only one to get close to Rossi, but his own "special relationship" doesn't hold a candle to Rossi and Uccio, making victory a forgone conclusion for the love Doctor.

4. Ex-Forum Member Toni Elias. Now that Rossi's post-MotoGP career has been sorted, the curly-headed one is able to concentrate on racing again, without worrying about F1, rally cars, or how to keep Uccio looking seductively cherubic in his retirement years. From 2009 onwards expect to see a Dial-a-Rossi's-Pizzeria near you. Unless, of course, you live in Turkey, or China, or the USA, or near Motegi, Japan, because Rossi doesn't deliver at these locations...

3. Bridgestone. Having been unofficial Bridgestone spokesman for much of the last two months, Rossi receieved a secret shipment of 'stones the night before the race. It's rumoured they were previously earmarked for Melandri. Poor "Random Numbers"--he changed tyre manufacturers in the off-season and STILL Rossi gets preferential treatment.

2. Jeremy Burgess and the Fiat Yamaha Crew. Having been made to look a bit stupid at Le Mans, JB and co. redeemed themselves at Mugello. What amazing feat of genius did they perform? They stopped trying to make the bike go faster. Who knew that was the key to success in MotoGP? Brilliant.

And, the number one reason why Rossi won at Mugello:

All riders and teams suffered from a lack of dry set-up time--a situation tailor-made for the acknowledged master of riding around problems. Rossi's bad start made things interesting for a few laps, but after that the race was very much like Jerez. At a track where Michelin held the advantage, only Pedrosa could match Rossi's pace--and only while tyre performance was at its optimum. Once Rossi hit the front, the result was never really in doubt.

oh please please...stop giving me nightmares...isn't the post-race bit where uccio hugged vale enough to torment me for a long time? why do you have to reiterate that?




Cheers matey! Bravo!

see pinning this thread was a given!!! brilliant stuff sun!

I've only ever lurked on this forum...but I finally have to post to say, this stuff is too funny. Thanks!!!

Great stuff.....somehow the potential for funnies is bigger when the doc doesnt win though....

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (somedamnwriter @ Jun 6 2007, 02:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>oh please please...stop giving me nightmares...isn't the post-race bit where uccio hugged vale enough to torment me for a long time? why do you have to reiterate that?
All the Uccio comments are for you!

BTW, who took the photo you're using for you avatar? Uccio, I'll bet!

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Bikergirl @ Jun 7 2007, 03:55 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>somehow the potential for funnies is bigger when the doc doesnt win though....
True. It's always more dramatic whenever a champion suffers a defeat or misfortune. And where there's drama, comedy is never far away. Plus it's easier to write excuses as to why something didn't happen.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (somedamnwriter @ Jun 6 2007, 02:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>oh please please...stop giving me nightmares...isn't the post-race bit where uccio hugged vale enough to torment me for a long time? why do you have to reiterate that?


Cheers matey! Bravo!



nyahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Jun 7 2007, 09:20 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>All the Uccio comments are for you!

BTW, who took the photo you're using for you avatar? Uccio, I'll bet!

I hate you...













And I was the one who took that pic...

so where's the catalunya report then?

Round Seven

The Top Ten Reasons Why Rossi Didn't Win In Catalunya.

10. Hector Barbera. The rider known more for his hatred of Chubba-chump than for anything that he's actually done on the track fluffed his start from second on the 250cc grid and no one got as close to Mr. MotoGP-bound for the rest of the race. Thus we were inflicted with another of Lorenzo's "special celebrations" (like Pedrosa, Lorenzo looks very coordinated on a bike, and very uncoordinated off of one). This so-called tribute to the Red Hot Chili Peppers caused an ever so slight delay to the start of the MotoGP race. For a man as meticulous as Rossi--all that squatting, stretching, tugging, picking, adjusting and footpeg fondling is choreographed and timed to the nth degree--a 0.070 second delay is everything...

9. The blindingly fast Ducati. Err, I mean, the brilliance of Stoner. No... it's the bike. No... it's the man. The man, the bike? The chicken, the egg?

Come on, people, it's the bike. How else could a washed-up hack riding for a god-awful team get a podium in the dry on a track like Mugello? Or: Come on, people, it's the man. Stoner has 140 points. Barros, Capirossi and Hoffman have only managed 146 points between them.

8. He was running on a full tank. Unlike Pedrosa the leaky, Rossi elected not to make a 'pitstop' after the sighting lap. For reasons that are unclear (perhaps he wanted to shower Uccio with gold after he'd won the race) Rossi held it in. But he was never comfortable, couldn't settle into a rhythm, and couldn't make a pass on Stoner stick because he kept having to clench up all the time.

7. Nicky Hayden and Colin Edwards. Actually, they had nothing to do with Rossi's race--not being anywhere near the front--but it was amusing to see them battling it out in 10th and 11th for 'most irrelevant American' in the field (the Roberts clan don't count; they would struggle to beat the 250cc guys). Edwards eventually triumphed. Figures.

6. ....... Elias. Stoner was next on his hit list (he just can't quite nail the ....... in practice), but it turns out that the dangerous lunatic is also red/green colourblind. His bump on de Puniet was foiled only because Randy's pus-filled swollen bloody knee acted like an air-fence and easily absorbed the impact.

5. The Michelin Excuse. No, Rossi didn't complain about tyre performance after the race--but then he didn't say anything of the kind straight after Estoril and Valencia either. So let's wait 6-8 months and then see...

4. His on track stalker. The rider whose height is measured in millimetres (to make him sound taller) attached himself like a limpet to Rossi's back door and stayed there for most of the race. Rossi couldn't concentrate fully on his racing--he felt vulnerable and exposed. "The raw aggression (and anal fixation) was like Uccio when he's drunk," a concerned Rossi told reporters after the race. "I need to talk to Alberto about this. Dani will have to accept that I'm taken."

3. He ignored Alex Hoffman's advice. Rossi spends more time trying to extract his derps from his crack than a man who has no toilet paper suffering from diarrhoea. If channeled the time and energy he spends on pick, pick, picking into his race effort he would win comfortably every time. Look how much Alex is enjoying his racing this season--he was ecstatic after qualifying when he crossed the line and found himself in position, uh, 10. He's out there, swinging free and loving it. If you want to win at Donington, Valentino, for the love of god, go commando!

2. His diminished aura. Riding with the red heart--to be forever known as the symbol of Rossi and Uccio's true love--tucked away next to his own heart, instead of emblazoned on his helmet for all to see meant that Stoner wasn't put off this weekend. Refreshingly PC for an Aussie country bloke, Stoner is of the opinion that "whatever you do in private is no one's business, just don't flaunt your lifestyle choices in front of my face."

And the number one reason why Rossi didn't win in Catalunya:

The tension built slowly from the middle section of the race, as Rossi recovered from a modest start to join Pedrosa and Stoner at the front. Stoner stayed cool throughout, and Pedrosa could hang with them, but never seriously threatened. The flurry of lead changes during the last third of the race, in places all over the circuit, made for the best race of the season. This was a race that Rossi could've--and perhaps should've--won. Sure, Stoner rode superbly under pressure and didn't make any mistakes, but Rossi was clearly superior under heavy braking and had a more nimble machine through the turns (most obviously in the first third of the lap). Perhaps because he was worried about a passing attempt from Pedrosa costing him track position at a crucial time, Rossi seemed a bit too anxious to lead the race. Maybe he should have waited, saving the pass that he made stick for a lap or so, until right at the end. Nevertheless, it was great riding by all three riders on the podium, and Rossi should feel confident heading to Donington in two weeks (a track he loves, and one Stoner does not).

Heehee...the ................GOLD!

Rising Sun...Oh...Oh....I know what you are going to write for Cataluña...here goes....

And the number one reason why Rossi didn't win in Cataluña is because at the start he had to adjust his leathers unexpectedly just when the green lights went off, they got caught in his arse and he had to stand up and adjust them while at the same time he had to adjust the front part as his balls fell lope sided while all this was happening Hopkins deicide that after all his last podium was the last time he scored and his girlfriend was in the pits he had to prove something to not miss out and while all this was going on poor Val was being held up ...hilarious write ups....love them....keep it up!!! Looking forward to the next one!!!

Rising Sun...Oh...Oh....sorry I missed out reading the Catalunya report that is why I put that comment above but this is just an addendum to your conclusion...

“And the number one reason why Rossi didn't win”

At the start Val had to adjust his leathers unexpectedly also...and just when the green lights went, they got caught in his arse and he had to stand up and adjust them while at the same time he had to adjust the front part as his balls that fell lope sided and while all this was happening poor Hopkins deicide that after all, his last podium was the last time the poor guy scored and his girlfriend was in the pits and man was this guy hot to trot, the guy is desperate he’s on an ultimatum...NO podiums - NO ......and then there are conditions to the ... with the podium standings.... and while all this was going on poor Val was being held up at the start after all that was one the reasons...

Rising Sun...hilarious write ups....love them....keep it up!!! Looking forward to the next one!!!

i love this thread!

Very funny! Keep it up!

[Rising Sun,
very very funny and cant wait for the Donnington report

keep em coming