A Top Ten Guide...
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Rising Sun @ Nov 10 2007, 12:12 AM) [snapback]99950[/snapback]<div class='quotemain'>
Round Eighteen
The Top Ten Reasons Why Rossi Didn’t Win In Valencia.
9. during Rossi’s now-annual gravel-kissing ceremony at Valencia.
8. Ant West. Actually, Westy didn’t have anything to do with Rossi not
2. Doctor Costa. That was the mysterious bike problem, people, his engine was numb!
And the number one reason why Rossi didn’t win in Valencia:
Traction Control is for whinging Aussie .......... I guess what Capirossi said is true: that most of the grid, if given a 500cc monster, wouldn’t make it to the end of the first lap.
en core!
Round Eighteen
The Top Ten Reasons Why Rossi Didn’t Win In Valencia.
9. during Rossi’s now-annual gravel-kissing ceremony at Valencia.
8. Ant West. Actually, Westy didn’t have anything to do with Rossi not
2. Doctor Costa. That was the mysterious bike problem, people, his engine was numb!
And the number one reason why Rossi didn’t win in Valencia:
Traction Control is for whinging Aussie .......... I guess what Capirossi said is true: that most of the grid, if given a 500cc monster, wouldn’t make it to the end of the first lap.
en core!
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Been reading a few of these, raised a chuckle or too. And so true as well! Great work, hope to see more of these next season.
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Hi all,
Haven't really had the chance to post much in the last month, just lurking occasionally. I'd just like to add a belated thanks to everyone for their comments about the Top Ten for Valencia--for the whole season, actually. I can't believe this thread has had over 10,000 views! (Probably due to Frosty pinning it at the top of the page.
) I also can't believe that there weren't any negative comments about it during the whole year, despite the fact I tried to make it as controversial as possible.
And as a Christmas present to those who have enjoyed them this year, I think I'll be able to find time between now and March to post a couple of Top Ten guides to the off-season...
Haven't really had the chance to post much in the last month, just lurking occasionally. I'd just like to add a belated thanks to everyone for their comments about the Top Ten for Valencia--for the whole season, actually. I can't believe this thread has had over 10,000 views! (Probably due to Frosty pinning it at the top of the page.
And as a Christmas present to those who have enjoyed them this year, I think I'll be able to find time between now and March to post a couple of Top Ten guides to the off-season...
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Rising Sun @ Dec 7 2007, 10:03 PM) [snapback]103768[/snapback]<div class='quotemain'>
Haven't really had the chance to post much in the last month, just lurking occasionally.
Ditto. I've been out of the loop too. I just read your last two rounds! I have to again say your lyrical genius is truly amazing. You’re a word smith of the highest order, and I am grateful for the time you take to make these posts as clever as possible. I was rolling with laughter many times. Thanks for the comic relief!
Haven't really had the chance to post much in the last month, just lurking occasionally.
Ditto. I've been out of the loop too. I just read your last two rounds! I have to again say your lyrical genius is truly amazing. You’re a word smith of the highest order, and I am grateful for the time you take to make these posts as clever as possible. I was rolling with laughter many times. Thanks for the comic relief!
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Dec 8 2007, 06:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Hi all,
Haven't really had the chance to post much in the last month, just lurking occasionally. I'd just like to add a belated thanks to everyone for their comments about the Top Ten for Valencia--for the whole season, actually. I can't believe this thread has had over 10,000 views! (Probably due to Frosty pinning it at the top of the page.
) I also can't believe that there weren't any negative comments about it during the whole year, despite the fact I tried to make it as controversial as possible.
And as a Christmas present to those who have enjoyed them this year, I think I'll be able to find time between now and March to post a couple of Top Ten guides to the off-season...
Amazing, given the rest of his forum, but that just goes to show how overriding your "top ten" has been. Everyone has enjoyed it, regardless of who they support.
Please, please keep up the good work - even some none forum members I have pointed this way wait with baited breath for your next installment.
Who says you won't be famous soon...
Haven't really had the chance to post much in the last month, just lurking occasionally. I'd just like to add a belated thanks to everyone for their comments about the Top Ten for Valencia--for the whole season, actually. I can't believe this thread has had over 10,000 views! (Probably due to Frosty pinning it at the top of the page.
And as a Christmas present to those who have enjoyed them this year, I think I'll be able to find time between now and March to post a couple of Top Ten guides to the off-season...
Amazing, given the rest of his forum, but that just goes to show how overriding your "top ten" has been. Everyone has enjoyed it, regardless of who they support.
Please, please keep up the good work - even some none forum members I have pointed this way wait with baited breath for your next installment.
Who says you won't be famous soon...
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- Adelaide, Australia
A Top Ten Guide to the 2008 Off-season 1
10. Rossi switches to Bridgestones. One or two of you might have read something somewhere about this in the past few months. On the scale of things, some say it ranks right up there with Rossi changing his (Wile E. Coyote) socks, others that it bears all the hallmarks of a (Freemason) conspiracy. Rossi’s own take on the matter was brilliantly captured on film during this weeks test in Malaysia: coming hard out of turn 2 (admittedly, separated from his bike) Rossi shrugged his shoulders, threw up his hands, and exclaimed: “Is no big deal. Right now I’m thinking Bridgestone is .... like Michelin.”
9. Edwards is back at the sharp-end. It’s Sepang, in January. That must mean the ‘Texan pre-season bluster’ is back doing what he does best: looking like a contender. I see no reason why he can’t finish in the top two of the championship this year.
8. De Puniet shows surprising pace. When LCR Honda took on the crash-prone Frenchman (following on from a certain crash-prone Spaniard, and a certain crash-prone Australian before him) many speculated over which would happen first: Cecchinello’s lynching by his long-suffering mechanics or HRC finally running out of fairing replacements. But Randy-boy has proven to be not-crap, and so far kept himself out of Dr. Costa’s office. It’s too bad he doesn’t know about the not-factory-Honda-golden-rule: you only get a limited time in the sun (see: T. Elias). Expect him to be battling for P(osition)-Nakano (also known as 10th) during the season proper.
7. The second coming of Loris. Now that he doesn’t have the most sophisticated traction control and electronic aids known to mankind at his disposal it’s only natural that he would automatically be faster on totally unfamiliar machinery. Or maybe it’s just that fairy blue is his colour.
6. A tale of two Team Fiat Yamahas. A jealous Uccio, not different tyre manufacturers, is the reason there will be a dividing wall in the Fiat Yamaha pits this season. Why would Uccio be jealous of a little prick like Lorenzo? I hear you asking. Sure it’s true that Rossi and Uccio have more in common (a love of all things Rossi), but Rossi and Lorenzo could actually talk shop during those moments of post-coital bliss. Nor can we forget that Lorenzo has an oral fixation, which he’s not shy about showing off. And, really, it looks like Uccio put the wall up not a moment too soon: already, our Valentino has made it clear that curls are out in 2008, and a simpering J-Lo has gotten himself a matching ‘solidarity-with-boyish-lesbians-haircut’—which Rossi publicly fondled during the team launch event. Things could get messy in this pit box during the season...
5. The TC kid is back in town. Casey ‘I don’t get no respect’ Stoner was finally able to prove to the world that traction control wasn’t the reason he went from zero to hero in 2007. During the end of season testing in November last year he managed to crash three times, despite riding a bike with more electronic aids than an Adult Toy Shop. Finishing the Sepang tests second behind a Michelin qualifying effort pretty much followed his modus operandi during the 2007 season. He might be on his whining way to another championship.
4. Repsol Rivalry. Over at Team Orange it’s not all beer and skittles, either. ‘Being-small-is-my-skill-set’ Pedrosa wants to be like Rossi sooooooooo much. He wants his own one-man team and to be the centre of his motorcycle manufacturer’s universe. He also wants Bridgestones and a constant companion more like a cherubic Italian than a washed-up ex-500cc racer with an eye for spotting talent in young boys—obviously these last two demands are just impossible. Hayden, however, is not a complicated guy; he just wants a bike that fits him (and his father). Quite why Peddles hates Haydo is a mystery; sure #69’s development strategy consists of doing 867 aimless laps off the pace, then one quick lap on a qualifier (and then declaring “we’ve found something that works”), but is that any reason to get snippy about it in the press? Or maybe he’s just pissed that despite Hayden having logged over six months of time in his country, Hayden still doesn’t know a single word of Spanish.
3. Another big mouth 250cc champion joins the premier class. Awesome. That makes three. It’s too bad the fantasy of Biaggi riding for Gresini was nixed by a Nakano farewell tour; then we could’ve had four. It’s also a shame that Loris only opens his mouths when he’s happy, or to moan about unfair treatment by Ducati (Ha! Too funny by half!)—then we could have had a potential of five panicky 250 children creating enough hot air to give those global warming experts something to really worry about. Anyway, about J-Lo the lollipop-sucker... so far so good, actually. Perhaps his naivety over demanding equal equipment has left him somewhat abashed. Of course you can’t ask Yamaha to give you equal equipment to Rossi. You ride with what you’re born with, son. The tuning fork company can (on occasion) engineer technical marvels, but not even the most radical experimental surgery could transform your tiny Spanish todger into something approximating Rossi’s monster (his mates in London don’t call him ‘John the Prong’ for nothing, you know).
2. Can robots break bones? Everyone’s favourite rider took a tumble this week, and had to fly back to Spain to give a press conference (that’s right, take shots at Nickle from half a world away, big boy). It is not expected that his injury will affect his championship chances (because he wasn’t going to win it anyway). Ever the optimist, Daniel is taking the opportunity to work more on smiling during this period of down time. To do this, he stares intently at a mirror, clenches his teeth and engages in self-stimulation (at some point his lips automatically peel back to reveal that famous maniacal smile we glimpse during rollercoaster rides and in strip clubs). It’s a win-win all round, as it also helps build up the muscles in his non-preferred wanking arm.
Stop Press...
The number one story of the off season to date:
I’m sure you all remember Rossi’s unfortunate retirement from the Grand Prix of Valencia last year, and that—equally unfortunately—none of the highly skilled Fiat Yamaha crew could determine the mechanical problem that had caused it. Davide Brivio, a man whose integrity is beyond reproach, assured us that the engine in question would be sent back to Japan for thorough analysis with a detailed explanation soon to follow. Well, as it happens, Davide has just given me a sheet of paper hot off the fax machine from Japan. So, now, in a Powerslide.net exclusive, I can reveal exactly what the problem was:
Hey! Wait a minute... there’s nothing written on this fax!
Hmmm... so that must mean...
10. Rossi switches to Bridgestones. One or two of you might have read something somewhere about this in the past few months. On the scale of things, some say it ranks right up there with Rossi changing his (Wile E. Coyote) socks, others that it bears all the hallmarks of a (Freemason) conspiracy. Rossi’s own take on the matter was brilliantly captured on film during this weeks test in Malaysia: coming hard out of turn 2 (admittedly, separated from his bike) Rossi shrugged his shoulders, threw up his hands, and exclaimed: “Is no big deal. Right now I’m thinking Bridgestone is .... like Michelin.”
9. Edwards is back at the sharp-end. It’s Sepang, in January. That must mean the ‘Texan pre-season bluster’ is back doing what he does best: looking like a contender. I see no reason why he can’t finish in the top two of the championship this year.
8. De Puniet shows surprising pace. When LCR Honda took on the crash-prone Frenchman (following on from a certain crash-prone Spaniard, and a certain crash-prone Australian before him) many speculated over which would happen first: Cecchinello’s lynching by his long-suffering mechanics or HRC finally running out of fairing replacements. But Randy-boy has proven to be not-crap, and so far kept himself out of Dr. Costa’s office. It’s too bad he doesn’t know about the not-factory-Honda-golden-rule: you only get a limited time in the sun (see: T. Elias). Expect him to be battling for P(osition)-Nakano (also known as 10th) during the season proper.
7. The second coming of Loris. Now that he doesn’t have the most sophisticated traction control and electronic aids known to mankind at his disposal it’s only natural that he would automatically be faster on totally unfamiliar machinery. Or maybe it’s just that fairy blue is his colour.
6. A tale of two Team Fiat Yamahas. A jealous Uccio, not different tyre manufacturers, is the reason there will be a dividing wall in the Fiat Yamaha pits this season. Why would Uccio be jealous of a little prick like Lorenzo? I hear you asking. Sure it’s true that Rossi and Uccio have more in common (a love of all things Rossi), but Rossi and Lorenzo could actually talk shop during those moments of post-coital bliss. Nor can we forget that Lorenzo has an oral fixation, which he’s not shy about showing off. And, really, it looks like Uccio put the wall up not a moment too soon: already, our Valentino has made it clear that curls are out in 2008, and a simpering J-Lo has gotten himself a matching ‘solidarity-with-boyish-lesbians-haircut’—which Rossi publicly fondled during the team launch event. Things could get messy in this pit box during the season...
5. The TC kid is back in town. Casey ‘I don’t get no respect’ Stoner was finally able to prove to the world that traction control wasn’t the reason he went from zero to hero in 2007. During the end of season testing in November last year he managed to crash three times, despite riding a bike with more electronic aids than an Adult Toy Shop. Finishing the Sepang tests second behind a Michelin qualifying effort pretty much followed his modus operandi during the 2007 season. He might be on his whining way to another championship.
4. Repsol Rivalry. Over at Team Orange it’s not all beer and skittles, either. ‘Being-small-is-my-skill-set’ Pedrosa wants to be like Rossi sooooooooo much. He wants his own one-man team and to be the centre of his motorcycle manufacturer’s universe. He also wants Bridgestones and a constant companion more like a cherubic Italian than a washed-up ex-500cc racer with an eye for spotting talent in young boys—obviously these last two demands are just impossible. Hayden, however, is not a complicated guy; he just wants a bike that fits him (and his father). Quite why Peddles hates Haydo is a mystery; sure #69’s development strategy consists of doing 867 aimless laps off the pace, then one quick lap on a qualifier (and then declaring “we’ve found something that works”), but is that any reason to get snippy about it in the press? Or maybe he’s just pissed that despite Hayden having logged over six months of time in his country, Hayden still doesn’t know a single word of Spanish.
3. Another big mouth 250cc champion joins the premier class. Awesome. That makes three. It’s too bad the fantasy of Biaggi riding for Gresini was nixed by a Nakano farewell tour; then we could’ve had four. It’s also a shame that Loris only opens his mouths when he’s happy, or to moan about unfair treatment by Ducati (Ha! Too funny by half!)—then we could have had a potential of five panicky 250 children creating enough hot air to give those global warming experts something to really worry about. Anyway, about J-Lo the lollipop-sucker... so far so good, actually. Perhaps his naivety over demanding equal equipment has left him somewhat abashed. Of course you can’t ask Yamaha to give you equal equipment to Rossi. You ride with what you’re born with, son. The tuning fork company can (on occasion) engineer technical marvels, but not even the most radical experimental surgery could transform your tiny Spanish todger into something approximating Rossi’s monster (his mates in London don’t call him ‘John the Prong’ for nothing, you know).
2. Can robots break bones? Everyone’s favourite rider took a tumble this week, and had to fly back to Spain to give a press conference (that’s right, take shots at Nickle from half a world away, big boy). It is not expected that his injury will affect his championship chances (because he wasn’t going to win it anyway). Ever the optimist, Daniel is taking the opportunity to work more on smiling during this period of down time. To do this, he stares intently at a mirror, clenches his teeth and engages in self-stimulation (at some point his lips automatically peel back to reveal that famous maniacal smile we glimpse during rollercoaster rides and in strip clubs). It’s a win-win all round, as it also helps build up the muscles in his non-preferred wanking arm.
Stop Press...
The number one story of the off season to date:
I’m sure you all remember Rossi’s unfortunate retirement from the Grand Prix of Valencia last year, and that—equally unfortunately—none of the highly skilled Fiat Yamaha crew could determine the mechanical problem that had caused it. Davide Brivio, a man whose integrity is beyond reproach, assured us that the engine in question would be sent back to Japan for thorough analysis with a detailed explanation soon to follow. Well, as it happens, Davide has just given me a sheet of paper hot off the fax machine from Japan. So, now, in a Powerslide.net exclusive, I can reveal exactly what the problem was:
Hey! Wait a minute... there’s nothing written on this fax!
Hmmm... so that must mean...
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Jan 25 2008, 10:12 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>A Top Ten Guide to the 2008 Off-season 1
10. hallmarks of a (Freemason) conspiracy. Rossi’s own take on the matter was brilliantly captured on film during this weeks test in Malaysia: coming hard out of turn 2 (admittedly, separated from his bike) Rossi shrugged his shoulders, threw up his hands, and exclaimed: “Is no big deal. Right now I’m thinking Bridgestone is .... like Michelin.”
9. That must mean the ‘Texan pre-season bluster’ is back doing what he does best: looking like a contender.
8. De Puniet ...a certain crash-prone Spaniard, and a certain crash-prone Australian before him) ... to be battling for P(osition)-Nakano (also known as 10th)
6. A tale... Rossi and Uccio have more in common (a love of all things Rossi), but Rossi and Lorenzo could actually talk shop during those moments of post-coital bliss. Nor can we forget that Lorenzo has an oral fixation, which he’s not shy about showing off.... J-Lo has gotten himself a matching ‘solidarity-with-boyish-lesbians-haircut’
5. The TC kid ...with more electronic aids than an Adult Toy Shop.
4. Repsol Rivalry. ‘Being-small-is-my-skill-set’ Pedrosa wants to be like Rossi sooooooooo much.... constant companion more like a cherubic Italian than a washed-up ex-500cc racer with an eye for spotting talent in young boys
sure #69’s development strategy consists of doing 867 aimless laps off the pace, then one quick lap on a qualifier (and then declaring “we’ve found something that works”)
3. Another big mouth 250cc champion ...then we could have had a potential of five panicky 250 children creating enough hot air to give those global warming experts something to really worry about.
2. Can robots break bones? Everyone’s favourite rider took a tumble this week, and had to fly back to Spain to give a press conference (that’s right, take shots at Nickle from half a world away, big boy). It is not expected that his injury will affect his championship chances (because he wasn’t going to win it anyway). Ever the optimist, Daniel is taking the opportunity to work more on smiling during this period of down time. To do this, he stares intently at a mirror, clenches his teeth and engages in self-stimulation (at some point his lips automatically peel back to reveal that famous maniacal smile we glimpse during rollercoaster rides and in strip clubs). It’s a win-win all round, as it also helps build up the muscles in his non-preferred wanking arm.
Stop Press...
The number one story of the off season to date:
I’m sure you all remember Rossi’s unfortunate retirement from the Grand Prix of Valencia last year...
Hey! Wait a minute... there’s nothing written on this fax!
Ah, how do you do it?
10. hallmarks of a (Freemason) conspiracy. Rossi’s own take on the matter was brilliantly captured on film during this weeks test in Malaysia: coming hard out of turn 2 (admittedly, separated from his bike) Rossi shrugged his shoulders, threw up his hands, and exclaimed: “Is no big deal. Right now I’m thinking Bridgestone is .... like Michelin.”
9. That must mean the ‘Texan pre-season bluster’ is back doing what he does best: looking like a contender.
8. De Puniet ...a certain crash-prone Spaniard, and a certain crash-prone Australian before him) ... to be battling for P(osition)-Nakano (also known as 10th)
6. A tale... Rossi and Uccio have more in common (a love of all things Rossi), but Rossi and Lorenzo could actually talk shop during those moments of post-coital bliss. Nor can we forget that Lorenzo has an oral fixation, which he’s not shy about showing off.... J-Lo has gotten himself a matching ‘solidarity-with-boyish-lesbians-haircut’
5. The TC kid ...with more electronic aids than an Adult Toy Shop.
4. Repsol Rivalry. ‘Being-small-is-my-skill-set’ Pedrosa wants to be like Rossi sooooooooo much.... constant companion more like a cherubic Italian than a washed-up ex-500cc racer with an eye for spotting talent in young boys
sure #69’s development strategy consists of doing 867 aimless laps off the pace, then one quick lap on a qualifier (and then declaring “we’ve found something that works”)
3. Another big mouth 250cc champion ...then we could have had a potential of five panicky 250 children creating enough hot air to give those global warming experts something to really worry about.
2. Can robots break bones? Everyone’s favourite rider took a tumble this week, and had to fly back to Spain to give a press conference (that’s right, take shots at Nickle from half a world away, big boy). It is not expected that his injury will affect his championship chances (because he wasn’t going to win it anyway). Ever the optimist, Daniel is taking the opportunity to work more on smiling during this period of down time. To do this, he stares intently at a mirror, clenches his teeth and engages in self-stimulation (at some point his lips automatically peel back to reveal that famous maniacal smile we glimpse during rollercoaster rides and in strip clubs). It’s a win-win all round, as it also helps build up the muscles in his non-preferred wanking arm.
Stop Press...
The number one story of the off season to date:
I’m sure you all remember Rossi’s unfortunate retirement from the Grand Prix of Valencia last year...
Hey! Wait a minute... there’s nothing written on this fax!
Ah, how do you do it?
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Jumkie @ Feb 15 2008, 07:27 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>
Ah, how do you do it?
It's like Skid says. I just post the truth... as I see it!
Ah, how do you do it?
It's like Skid says. I just post the truth... as I see it!
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2006
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- 445
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- Adelaide, Australia
A Top Ten Guide to Losail, Qatar, 2008.
10. Colin Edwards. The Texan “multiple preseason champion” Breeze-air might have finished down in P7, but he was at least closer to the race winner this year, compared with the last time he wasted a front row start at Qatar. Sure, he tried to do his usual trick of disappearing backwards at a rapid rate (going from 2nd back to 7th in the blink of an eye), but it’s a bit hard to disappear completely when your bike fairing is the colour of radioactive .... cheese.
9. Andrea Dovizioso. The disappointment of the race, in my opinion. With all his off-season talk about how piss-easy it is to ride an 800, I expected him to smoke the field or at least prevail over Roger Lee Hayden in a thriller. Instead, he barely managed to squeak by some washed-up old hack for fourth place. Also, free fashion tip, Dovi: get a haircut.
8. Night racing. Did you know that there was enough lighting at the track to: light up 6797 football pitches, or be visible from Mars, or provide enough street lighting for a road stretching from Losail to Moscow to Tuvalu, or light up an average family home for 163 years? It was so bright that De Puniet had to wear shades. And in a region where there is widespread conflict, loss of life and poverty, it was a tactful and sensitive example of what humanity (personified by Dorna) is capable of... all so a bunch of pampered Europeans could go to work on Monday having had a good night’s sleep. It did look bloody cool, though.
7. Dani Pedrosa. The most popular rider in the history of everything everywhere ever had quite a good result: he led the race for more laps than Hayden has in his entire MotoGP career (outside of the U.S.A.); he passed Rossi on the straight and then held him off under brakes; and he didn’t cry when Lorenzo beat him. Considering the monumental struggles he’s had to overcome... a massive, life-threatening hand injury that makes it impossible to sit in an aircraft flying to Japan (Spain and Qatar are apparently okay); riding a bike developed by a fat, talentless, directionless American; not having the use of his preferred wanking hand for almost two months; and having to stay up way past his bed time... it was a magnificent achievement. Running out of petrol on the slow-down lap, his incredible popularity with his peers was confirmed when the entire field rushed over to fight for the privilege of giving him a free tow back to the pits.
6. Alex De Angelis. You can set your watch by this guy: if he doesn’t finish 2nd, 3rd, or 4th he crashes out. Now that’s a proper rookie debut.
5. Valentino Rossi. Mr. Mid-pack did the best he could with a ..... bike and ..... tyres. Our Vale is in for a long season if a certain incident during practice is anything to go by—the speed at which Pedrosa closed with (and then crashed into) Rossi (when #46 4 EVA was barely under lap record pace) shows us that the Yamaha is still the useless lump of .... that it’s always been. I say that if Yamaha can’t give Rossi a great bike, so he can continue to prove that it’s the rider (named Rossi) that makes the difference like it did in 2004 and 2005, he should cut his losses and go join a team that can. And as for the tyre situation... what does a hopeless tax-dodger have to do to find a set of tyres that can last race distance? First Michelin, and now Bridgestone suck, suck, suck! The common denominator of the set-up of a certain Yamaha is irrelevant, in my opinion. After all, Rossi and Burgess were brilliant at setting up the bike for those Rossi-only Michelin Saturday night specials, so that he had more grip than any other rider at the end of the race...
4. Nicky Hayden. Riding his preferred ’07 spec Repsol Honda (and why wouldn’t you love a bike that you finished 8th in the championship on), Hayden managed to come last out of all the Michelin runners on a day (um, night) where Michelin were not totally .......... And if Nakano hadn’t spent the whole race in rapt fascination over Hopkin’s swollen tackle, he might have been last Honda as well. Clearly, the whole race weekend he was just testing for Pedrosa—because their set-up needs are identical, and because Nicky works so fast he always tests parts in 3 laps or less. Being beaten home by satellite Hondas is actually pretty standard stuff for the ex #1—look back through the records and you can see that Biaggi, Gibernau, Melandri, Tamada, and company did it with embarrassing regularity. Still, I wouldn’t write the ex-champ off just yet. All he needs is another kiss on the lips from his mother and he’ll be back at the sharp end of the grid for sure...
3. James ‘Jimmy, Jim, Jimbo... call me James’ Toseland. He’s English. He’s an ex-WSBK rider (and champion) moving over to MotoGP. He’s riding for Yamaha—for Tech 3, no less—and on Michelins. That’s a lot of reasons right there to be crap. And yet... he wasn’t! A bit of SBK-style biff ’n bash with J-Lo in the early laps was great to see, although if he’d clashed with Pedrosa like that, he’d probably have sent the little (pile of) #2 into a low-earth orbit. James was apologetic about the incident after the race, saying, in an exclusive interview with Powerslide.net: “I was just trying to scrape some of that .... cheese colour off me bike.”
2. Jorge Lorenzo. And, speaking of the man with the golden... helmet—we won’t. He loves attention, and too many people have been feeding that insatiable ego already since his move to MotoGP. Okay, maybe once short comment, then: watching him go to town on that chubba chub in park ferme brought to mind that old saying: “... could suck the chrome off a bumper bar.”
1. Casey Stoner. What can you say about the reigning world champion? A guy who’s so like Doohan, but also... not? Sure, Casey whinges when he wins, and, like Mick, I imagine his perfect race weekend would be when he tops all practice sessions (although, conversely doesn’t care so much about pole, just a front row start) and then goes on to blitz the field, setting a new lap record every lap, and then tells Michael Scott to .... off when he wants an interview after the race (well, okay, maybe the last part’s just Mick). But, having said that, Howdy-Doody Stoner doesn’t seem the type to hang out in strip clubs (probably because they won’t let him in) and in the 35 starts he’s had in the premier class, Stoner has managed to win more, crash less, and become a world champion as compared to Doohan’s first couple of years on the 500s. Obviously comparisons are meaningless!
As to the race itself, Stoner showed his ‘maturity’ by fluffing the start, getting clouted in the first corner and shuffled back to 6th. From there, he found himself behind Lorenzo and was desperate to get past, no doubt worried that first Pedrosa, then Rossi might gap the chasing pack. Ultimately, their efforts wilted, Lorenzo got tired, and Stoner cruised to a comfortable victory.
10. Colin Edwards. The Texan “multiple preseason champion” Breeze-air might have finished down in P7, but he was at least closer to the race winner this year, compared with the last time he wasted a front row start at Qatar. Sure, he tried to do his usual trick of disappearing backwards at a rapid rate (going from 2nd back to 7th in the blink of an eye), but it’s a bit hard to disappear completely when your bike fairing is the colour of radioactive .... cheese.
9. Andrea Dovizioso. The disappointment of the race, in my opinion. With all his off-season talk about how piss-easy it is to ride an 800, I expected him to smoke the field or at least prevail over Roger Lee Hayden in a thriller. Instead, he barely managed to squeak by some washed-up old hack for fourth place. Also, free fashion tip, Dovi: get a haircut.
8. Night racing. Did you know that there was enough lighting at the track to: light up 6797 football pitches, or be visible from Mars, or provide enough street lighting for a road stretching from Losail to Moscow to Tuvalu, or light up an average family home for 163 years? It was so bright that De Puniet had to wear shades. And in a region where there is widespread conflict, loss of life and poverty, it was a tactful and sensitive example of what humanity (personified by Dorna) is capable of... all so a bunch of pampered Europeans could go to work on Monday having had a good night’s sleep. It did look bloody cool, though.
7. Dani Pedrosa. The most popular rider in the history of everything everywhere ever had quite a good result: he led the race for more laps than Hayden has in his entire MotoGP career (outside of the U.S.A.); he passed Rossi on the straight and then held him off under brakes; and he didn’t cry when Lorenzo beat him. Considering the monumental struggles he’s had to overcome... a massive, life-threatening hand injury that makes it impossible to sit in an aircraft flying to Japan (Spain and Qatar are apparently okay); riding a bike developed by a fat, talentless, directionless American; not having the use of his preferred wanking hand for almost two months; and having to stay up way past his bed time... it was a magnificent achievement. Running out of petrol on the slow-down lap, his incredible popularity with his peers was confirmed when the entire field rushed over to fight for the privilege of giving him a free tow back to the pits.
6. Alex De Angelis. You can set your watch by this guy: if he doesn’t finish 2nd, 3rd, or 4th he crashes out. Now that’s a proper rookie debut.
5. Valentino Rossi. Mr. Mid-pack did the best he could with a ..... bike and ..... tyres. Our Vale is in for a long season if a certain incident during practice is anything to go by—the speed at which Pedrosa closed with (and then crashed into) Rossi (when #46 4 EVA was barely under lap record pace) shows us that the Yamaha is still the useless lump of .... that it’s always been. I say that if Yamaha can’t give Rossi a great bike, so he can continue to prove that it’s the rider (named Rossi) that makes the difference like it did in 2004 and 2005, he should cut his losses and go join a team that can. And as for the tyre situation... what does a hopeless tax-dodger have to do to find a set of tyres that can last race distance? First Michelin, and now Bridgestone suck, suck, suck! The common denominator of the set-up of a certain Yamaha is irrelevant, in my opinion. After all, Rossi and Burgess were brilliant at setting up the bike for those Rossi-only Michelin Saturday night specials, so that he had more grip than any other rider at the end of the race...
4. Nicky Hayden. Riding his preferred ’07 spec Repsol Honda (and why wouldn’t you love a bike that you finished 8th in the championship on), Hayden managed to come last out of all the Michelin runners on a day (um, night) where Michelin were not totally .......... And if Nakano hadn’t spent the whole race in rapt fascination over Hopkin’s swollen tackle, he might have been last Honda as well. Clearly, the whole race weekend he was just testing for Pedrosa—because their set-up needs are identical, and because Nicky works so fast he always tests parts in 3 laps or less. Being beaten home by satellite Hondas is actually pretty standard stuff for the ex #1—look back through the records and you can see that Biaggi, Gibernau, Melandri, Tamada, and company did it with embarrassing regularity. Still, I wouldn’t write the ex-champ off just yet. All he needs is another kiss on the lips from his mother and he’ll be back at the sharp end of the grid for sure...
3. James ‘Jimmy, Jim, Jimbo... call me James’ Toseland. He’s English. He’s an ex-WSBK rider (and champion) moving over to MotoGP. He’s riding for Yamaha—for Tech 3, no less—and on Michelins. That’s a lot of reasons right there to be crap. And yet... he wasn’t! A bit of SBK-style biff ’n bash with J-Lo in the early laps was great to see, although if he’d clashed with Pedrosa like that, he’d probably have sent the little (pile of) #2 into a low-earth orbit. James was apologetic about the incident after the race, saying, in an exclusive interview with Powerslide.net: “I was just trying to scrape some of that .... cheese colour off me bike.”
2. Jorge Lorenzo. And, speaking of the man with the golden... helmet—we won’t. He loves attention, and too many people have been feeding that insatiable ego already since his move to MotoGP. Okay, maybe once short comment, then: watching him go to town on that chubba chub in park ferme brought to mind that old saying: “... could suck the chrome off a bumper bar.”
1. Casey Stoner. What can you say about the reigning world champion? A guy who’s so like Doohan, but also... not? Sure, Casey whinges when he wins, and, like Mick, I imagine his perfect race weekend would be when he tops all practice sessions (although, conversely doesn’t care so much about pole, just a front row start) and then goes on to blitz the field, setting a new lap record every lap, and then tells Michael Scott to .... off when he wants an interview after the race (well, okay, maybe the last part’s just Mick). But, having said that, Howdy-Doody Stoner doesn’t seem the type to hang out in strip clubs (probably because they won’t let him in) and in the 35 starts he’s had in the premier class, Stoner has managed to win more, crash less, and become a world champion as compared to Doohan’s first couple of years on the 500s. Obviously comparisons are meaningless!
As to the race itself, Stoner showed his ‘maturity’ by fluffing the start, getting clouted in the first corner and shuffled back to 6th. From there, he found himself behind Lorenzo and was desperate to get past, no doubt worried that first Pedrosa, then Rossi might gap the chasing pack. Ultimately, their efforts wilted, Lorenzo got tired, and Stoner cruised to a comfortable victory.
- Status
