A Top Ten Guide...
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Son of Doohan @ Mar 15 2008, 01:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Wow, the remarks are stinging..............and very very funny! I love it1
Cheers.
Heh, yeah I couldn't be quite this mean when Rossi was the main focus. But everyone's fair game this season, and since I'm spreading it around, I can punch harder
Cheers.
Heh, yeah I couldn't be quite this mean when Rossi was the main focus. But everyone's fair game this season, and since I'm spreading it around, I can punch harder
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Mar 14 2008, 03:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>3. James ‘Jimmy, Jim, Jimbo... call me James’ Toseland. He’s English. He’s an ex-WSBK rider (and champion) moving over to MotoGP. He’s riding for Yamaha—for Tech 3, no less—and on Michelins. That’s a lot of reasons right there to be crap. And yet... he wasn’t! A bit of SBK-style biff ’n bash with J-Lo in the early laps was great to see, although if he’d clashed with Pedrosa like that, he’d probably have sent the little (pile of) #2 into a low-earth orbit. James was apologetic about the incident after the race, saying, in an exclusive interview with Powerslide.net: “I was just trying to scrape some of that .... cheese colour off me bike.”
Those two almost had me in tears!
Keep up the good work, you're an asset to this place.
Those two almost had me in tears!
Keep up the good work, you're an asset to this place.
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (phleg @ Mar 15 2008, 03:19 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Those two almost had me in tears!
Keep up the good work, you're an asset to this place.
OMG... you're a stronger person than I am Phleg.... they DID have me in tears! The whole thing was an absolute crack-up again!
And if the punches will be coming harder this year than so much the better!
Keep up the good work, you're an asset to this place.
OMG... you're a stronger person than I am Phleg.... they DID have me in tears! The whole thing was an absolute crack-up again!
And if the punches will be coming harder this year than so much the better!
BEN
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Mar 14 2008, 03:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>but it’s a bit hard to disappear completely when your bike fairing is the colour of radioactive .... cheese.
fook me thats the funniest thing I've read on here for ages, post of the month award hands down!!
Qaulity post again RS, cheers mate.
Ben.
fook me thats the funniest thing I've read on here for ages, post of the month award hands down!!
Qaulity post again RS, cheers mate.
Ben.
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Mar 14 2008, 01:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>But everyone's fair game this season, and since I'm spreading it around, I can punch harder
eeeeexcellent sun. always worth the wait!
eeeeexcellent sun. always worth the wait!
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Mar 14 2008, 10:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Cheers.
Heh, yeah I couldn't be quite this mean when Rossi was the main focus. But everyone's fair game this season, and since I'm spreading it around, I can punch harder
Great post once again. Genius as usual! I like the new format, (even though I enjoyed the Rossi focus), but now that you are spreading the wealth, I know I'm going to enjoy the Pedrosa highlights. Haha.
Heh, yeah I couldn't be quite this mean when Rossi was the main focus. But everyone's fair game this season, and since I'm spreading it around, I can punch harder
Great post once again. Genius as usual! I like the new format, (even though I enjoyed the Rossi focus), but now that you are spreading the wealth, I know I'm going to enjoy the Pedrosa highlights. Haha.
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Jumkie @ Mar 19 2008, 01:31 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Great post once again. Genius as usual! I like the new format, (even though I enjoyed the Rossi focus), but now that you are spreading the wealth, I know I'm going to enjoy the Pedrosa highlights. Haha.
Hard to focus on Rossi of course when he is just another mid pack rider looking towards retirement, but it sure was funny to see Pedrosa get stood up and pushed away by Stoner's inside pass. Of course Pedrosa will make a great comeback in the next race, because he has the full farce, er uh force of mighty Hunda behind him.....(and way behind him, as in Hayden the ultimate test rider at Respol, which is spanish for teamwork)
Hyper
Hard to focus on Rossi of course when he is just another mid pack rider looking towards retirement, but it sure was funny to see Pedrosa get stood up and pushed away by Stoner's inside pass. Of course Pedrosa will make a great comeback in the next race, because he has the full farce, er uh force of mighty Hunda behind him.....(and way behind him, as in Hayden the ultimate test rider at Respol, which is spanish for teamwork)
Hyper
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A Top Ten Guide to Jerez, Spain, 2008.
10. Colin Edwards and Randy de Puniet. The ‘Texan Vacuum Cleaner’ and the ‘Frog in a Blender’ make quite a duo: they show promise in the preseason, are great at qualifying, and then shrivel up like an old man’s nutsack in the middle of an arctic winter on race day itself. Personally, I think it’s a great thing that Tech 3 tune-up Colin’s bike and run it with a thimbleful of fuel for qualifying, then de-tune it for the race to make a slow, moving road block that the genuinely fast riders are forced to deal with during the opening laps. More F1-style tactics for MotoGP, please! And, Randy: awesome result for your 150th GP, dude—sums up your whole career.
9. Andrea Dovizioso. Girly-man (WTF is that you put on your head before you put your helmet on?) continues to disappoint. Not only is he yet to win a race on the “....-me-it’s-so-easy-to-ride-it-feels-like-a-tricycle” 800, but he threw away 5th place on the last corner. I suppose you can’t always rely on aging Italian riders to make things easy for you...
8. Ducati. At one stage during the race the tiny, tiny, tiny Italian factory (we’ll ignore for the moment the bottomless coffers of Philip Morris at their disposal) had a bona fide marketing wet dream on their hands... 4 Dukes in line astern, and with an Italian proudly leading the formation! I’m sure any creative advertising agency worth its salt can put a positive spin on the unfortunate fact that they were in P13, 14, 15 and 16 at the time—after all, PR types have convinced some that Rossi is sexy.
Bonus Melandri fact: After the Jerez race last year, Marco locked himself in his motor home and screamed himself into laryngitis. After the race this year, Marco was heard crying himself to sleep. Be careful what you wish for, people.
Bonus, bonus Melandri fact: those numbers don’t look so random now!
7. Nicky Hayden. He must’ve got that kiss from his Mother... good to see him back sniffing around at the sharp end again, as ever failing to make a pass on a frontrunner. Although, to be fair, he did at least manage to get by a non-contender, Stoner, as opposed to more recent adventures in overtaking: Sepang, 2007, Elias. Hayden’s also validated the pre-season yapping of his good pal, Pedrosa: Nicky always takes the slow and steady conservative approach to testing; humbly putting in so many laps that even the Japanese (who actually have a word for death from overworking—karoshi) are impressed. But all that testing gets him nowhere and makes no improvements. Pedders, on the other hand, petulantly demands new and untried parts which he then whips into shape on a race weekend (see Losail, Qatar, 2008 or Mugello, Italy, 2007), causing Nicky to claim: “No fair! I want what the runt’s got.” But these things happen in racing and unfortunately Nicky can’t talk about it and it happens.
6. Casey Stoner. The little angry red man hates Jerez... whenever he goes there it’s like ants in his pants (this, incidentally, was his facial expression all weekend long). Ducati and Bridgestone suck at this track—they always have, and always will; Capirossi’s win in 2006 was probably the last time the Ducati/Bridgestone combination won a race because of the rider! So Stoner knew that he’d have to race sensibly and settle for whatever points he could get—he even said as much in his pre-race comments. Thus we saw a tactically astute race from the defending champion, echoing the maturity which had commentators fumbling for the superlatives all last season.
5. Sylvain Guintoli. You have to feel sorry for the ‘big’ Frenchman, don’t you? I know that big (he’s only 1.79m tall) is a relative term, considering most MotoGP riders barely reach his shoulders, and Dani wouldn’t need to get on his knees to give him an ‘A. Puig Special.’ Ahem, anyway, Ginters was the only rider to finish the race and not have any world championship points to show for it. He probably feels as happy as Ant ‘I should’ve stayed in WSS’ West looks...
4. Valentino Rossi. Crap race from #46, IMHO.
...
...
...
Oh, you want me to explain that? Well, he has the best bike, the official best tyres, and could only manage a nothing race. He worked his way up to second place with ease, and then... stopped. Interesting to note that he attended the Wayne Rainey and Kenny Roberts Junior School of Lap Counting. Despite that, he managed to snag his 100th podium and steal Stoner’s hat in the process. But I wonder if finishing as 1st. loser lets him be the Valentino Rossi he wants to be?
3. Jorge Lorenzo. The boy wonder wore a go-fast red helmet and boots throughout practice and qualifying. Result: he dominated, and took pole by a huge margin. Stupidly, he then switched back to the look-at-me, look-at-me gold boots and helmet for the main event. Result: another crap nothing race from a Fiat Yamaha rider. (Chubba) Chump. Boy-Jorge also released the story of his life in the week of the Jerez race—despite not yet being old enough to do anything fun in the U.S. of A. This brings up an interesting point; which is the biggest number: his age, the page count, or his hat size? I’d guess the hat size...
2. James “Jim, Jimmy, Jimbo... .... off it’s James!” Toseland. When our JT (everyone loves him!) showed up for Friday practice, he gave new meaning to the term pale Englishman. He looked like death, and kinda rode like it too—still desperate to scrap that .... cheese colour off on anyone he can. Eventually, he bashed his way to 6th place. Can’t wait to see him punt Rossi off his racing line at Estoril.
1. Daniel Pedrosa. Yawn. .... me, you’re a boring ..... Have you ever smiled... like, ever? What a miserable little #2 you are. Sure, you can put in the fast laps and you can win flag-to-flag races, but what’s so special about that? Just like Stoner and Hayden (and almost anyone not named Rossi) you’ve never won ‘properly’. No balls, no heart, no guts, no glory.
On the other hand, you shouldn’t feel too down about all this, because this is exactly what ‘they’ said about your idol, Doohan, all those times when he disappeared off in the distance, taking processional win after processional, uncontested win and grumping his way through his press obligations afterwards. I’m sure it was said that Mick’s only skill-set was “to have a ......-up right foot that allowed him to use a thumb-operated rear brake.”
Actually, I spoke with Dani in his motor home after the race, in a Powerslide.net exclusive. He seemed quite upbeat and relaxed, sitting there on Alberto’s knee. When I asked him to explain all that left hand gesturing as he crossed the finish line, Dani gave a manic grin and said, “As you know, I haven’t been able to have a .... with my right hand for months now, so I’ve been using the left. Not being as skilled with it, I find it’s a different sensation, so I can last longer. This in turn has helped to build my endurance. Arm strength and stamina have been the missing x factors from my race performances. The power of my left hand won the race for me, and now that my right hand has healed, I’m thinking of using two hands next.”
So there you have it, by the end of the 2008 season Pedrosa could well be a world champion ......... oops, Freudian slip... I mean, he could well end up wanking his way to a world championship.
10. Colin Edwards and Randy de Puniet. The ‘Texan Vacuum Cleaner’ and the ‘Frog in a Blender’ make quite a duo: they show promise in the preseason, are great at qualifying, and then shrivel up like an old man’s nutsack in the middle of an arctic winter on race day itself. Personally, I think it’s a great thing that Tech 3 tune-up Colin’s bike and run it with a thimbleful of fuel for qualifying, then de-tune it for the race to make a slow, moving road block that the genuinely fast riders are forced to deal with during the opening laps. More F1-style tactics for MotoGP, please! And, Randy: awesome result for your 150th GP, dude—sums up your whole career.
9. Andrea Dovizioso. Girly-man (WTF is that you put on your head before you put your helmet on?) continues to disappoint. Not only is he yet to win a race on the “....-me-it’s-so-easy-to-ride-it-feels-like-a-tricycle” 800, but he threw away 5th place on the last corner. I suppose you can’t always rely on aging Italian riders to make things easy for you...
8. Ducati. At one stage during the race the tiny, tiny, tiny Italian factory (we’ll ignore for the moment the bottomless coffers of Philip Morris at their disposal) had a bona fide marketing wet dream on their hands... 4 Dukes in line astern, and with an Italian proudly leading the formation! I’m sure any creative advertising agency worth its salt can put a positive spin on the unfortunate fact that they were in P13, 14, 15 and 16 at the time—after all, PR types have convinced some that Rossi is sexy.
Bonus Melandri fact: After the Jerez race last year, Marco locked himself in his motor home and screamed himself into laryngitis. After the race this year, Marco was heard crying himself to sleep. Be careful what you wish for, people.
Bonus, bonus Melandri fact: those numbers don’t look so random now!
7. Nicky Hayden. He must’ve got that kiss from his Mother... good to see him back sniffing around at the sharp end again, as ever failing to make a pass on a frontrunner. Although, to be fair, he did at least manage to get by a non-contender, Stoner, as opposed to more recent adventures in overtaking: Sepang, 2007, Elias. Hayden’s also validated the pre-season yapping of his good pal, Pedrosa: Nicky always takes the slow and steady conservative approach to testing; humbly putting in so many laps that even the Japanese (who actually have a word for death from overworking—karoshi) are impressed. But all that testing gets him nowhere and makes no improvements. Pedders, on the other hand, petulantly demands new and untried parts which he then whips into shape on a race weekend (see Losail, Qatar, 2008 or Mugello, Italy, 2007), causing Nicky to claim: “No fair! I want what the runt’s got.” But these things happen in racing and unfortunately Nicky can’t talk about it and it happens.
6. Casey Stoner. The little angry red man hates Jerez... whenever he goes there it’s like ants in his pants (this, incidentally, was his facial expression all weekend long). Ducati and Bridgestone suck at this track—they always have, and always will; Capirossi’s win in 2006 was probably the last time the Ducati/Bridgestone combination won a race because of the rider! So Stoner knew that he’d have to race sensibly and settle for whatever points he could get—he even said as much in his pre-race comments. Thus we saw a tactically astute race from the defending champion, echoing the maturity which had commentators fumbling for the superlatives all last season.
5. Sylvain Guintoli. You have to feel sorry for the ‘big’ Frenchman, don’t you? I know that big (he’s only 1.79m tall) is a relative term, considering most MotoGP riders barely reach his shoulders, and Dani wouldn’t need to get on his knees to give him an ‘A. Puig Special.’ Ahem, anyway, Ginters was the only rider to finish the race and not have any world championship points to show for it. He probably feels as happy as Ant ‘I should’ve stayed in WSS’ West looks...
4. Valentino Rossi. Crap race from #46, IMHO.
...
...
...
Oh, you want me to explain that? Well, he has the best bike, the official best tyres, and could only manage a nothing race. He worked his way up to second place with ease, and then... stopped. Interesting to note that he attended the Wayne Rainey and Kenny Roberts Junior School of Lap Counting. Despite that, he managed to snag his 100th podium and steal Stoner’s hat in the process. But I wonder if finishing as 1st. loser lets him be the Valentino Rossi he wants to be?
3. Jorge Lorenzo. The boy wonder wore a go-fast red helmet and boots throughout practice and qualifying. Result: he dominated, and took pole by a huge margin. Stupidly, he then switched back to the look-at-me, look-at-me gold boots and helmet for the main event. Result: another crap nothing race from a Fiat Yamaha rider. (Chubba) Chump. Boy-Jorge also released the story of his life in the week of the Jerez race—despite not yet being old enough to do anything fun in the U.S. of A. This brings up an interesting point; which is the biggest number: his age, the page count, or his hat size? I’d guess the hat size...
2. James “Jim, Jimmy, Jimbo... .... off it’s James!” Toseland. When our JT (everyone loves him!) showed up for Friday practice, he gave new meaning to the term pale Englishman. He looked like death, and kinda rode like it too—still desperate to scrap that .... cheese colour off on anyone he can. Eventually, he bashed his way to 6th place. Can’t wait to see him punt Rossi off his racing line at Estoril.
1. Daniel Pedrosa. Yawn. .... me, you’re a boring ..... Have you ever smiled... like, ever? What a miserable little #2 you are. Sure, you can put in the fast laps and you can win flag-to-flag races, but what’s so special about that? Just like Stoner and Hayden (and almost anyone not named Rossi) you’ve never won ‘properly’. No balls, no heart, no guts, no glory.
On the other hand, you shouldn’t feel too down about all this, because this is exactly what ‘they’ said about your idol, Doohan, all those times when he disappeared off in the distance, taking processional win after processional, uncontested win and grumping his way through his press obligations afterwards. I’m sure it was said that Mick’s only skill-set was “to have a ......-up right foot that allowed him to use a thumb-operated rear brake.”
Actually, I spoke with Dani in his motor home after the race, in a Powerslide.net exclusive. He seemed quite upbeat and relaxed, sitting there on Alberto’s knee. When I asked him to explain all that left hand gesturing as he crossed the finish line, Dani gave a manic grin and said, “As you know, I haven’t been able to have a .... with my right hand for months now, so I’ve been using the left. Not being as skilled with it, I find it’s a different sensation, so I can last longer. This in turn has helped to build my endurance. Arm strength and stamina have been the missing x factors from my race performances. The power of my left hand won the race for me, and now that my right hand has healed, I’m thinking of using two hands next.”
So there you have it, by the end of the 2008 season Pedrosa could well be a world champion ......... oops, Freudian slip... I mean, he could well end up wanking his way to a world championship.
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"Thus we saw a tactically astute race from the defending champion, echoing the maturity which had commentators fumbling for the superlatives all last season."
The whole thing was an absolute classic yet again. Thanks Sun - keep 'em coming.
The whole thing was an absolute classic yet again. Thanks Sun - keep 'em coming.
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