A Top Ten Guide to Le Mans, France, 2008
10. Colin Edwards. The Texan ‘storm in a teacup’ proved that he can certainly talk the talk with the “I’m gonna win at Le Mans” statement he uttered after disappointing—sorry—living up to everyone’s expectations in Shanghai. But in spite of that and for someone who finished in a ‘follow-around-the-big-boys-and-get-lucky’ third place, he looked overjoyed on the podium. Can’t really blame him, though. Dominating practice and finishing 3rd is a lot better than dominating practice and finishing 12th (and 3 laps down). Onya, Col. By the way, are you sure your name’s Col, Col? Seems like Wally would be a better fit. Can I call you Wally, Col?
9. Kawasaki. The green team just keeps on giving in the comedy department. It wasn’t enough that they signed Westy up last year for the sole reason that he was faster than Jacque (psst... hot tip: so is Schumacher’s grandmother), and that he kept his ride for 2008 in spite of jumped starts, lining up in 250cc grid slots, and losing a battle with a one-armed man at Valencia. Now Mon$ter Johnny has got in on the act. I mean... .... me! A broken chain? That’s a $5.00 part. Can’t Kwaka afford to change it at least once every now and then? The bit that Capirossi ran over had “Gazza was ’ere” stamped on every link...
8. James Toseland. ‘The Tose’ finally came unstuck with the biff ’n bash approach to overtaking at Le Mans. He tried to force a pass that relied on the other rider sitting up mid-corner and screaming like a little girl (also known as doing a Vermuelen). But Andrea, despite the fact he looks a bit like an ugly girl, is made of sterner stuff. Dovi doesn’t mind a bit of ....-cheese colour on his leathers, and he doesn’t get ruffled by a little backdoor contact. So while ‘the Tose’ was left chewing on Gallic dirt, Dovizioso had his first decent result since Qatar.
7. Ducati. The Bologna factory found an unorthodox way to answer their critics on the weekend. Who says they always give their satellite team the shaft? The Alice Ducatis both finished comfortably ahead of the factory efforts at Le Mans. No favours or team orders there. Back in your box, Barros, you 20 year career hack.
6. Dani Pedrosa. The current title holder (and multi defending champion) of ‘the world’s fastest/shortest man competition’ was settling for a solid second (again)—because he didn’t get the hole-shot off the line—when a few spots of rain on his visor made him settle instead for a timid fourth. What gives, Peddles? Last year at Le Mans you finally found your water wings; looks like you’ve lost them again. A renewed aversion to water because of ‘submarine’ A. Puig specials or not, how could you let Edwards finish in front of you? The only thing worse would have been Hayden beating you...
5. Yamaha. A 1 – 2 – 3 for the piano and drum-making company. Result! But not unexpected, frankly. Le Mans is a Yamaha track. If you take the words “Le Mans Bugatti Circuit” and rearrange the letters (plus take some out, and then add others in), you get: “Yamaha (nearly) always win here!” Biaggi and Checa (the dynamic duds) once had a 1 – 2 finish at Le Mans—the high point of their time calling the shots for the factory team. You have to wonder at the link between a Japanese company and a French circuit, though. Maybe it’s some kind of voodoo magic involving a crashed Yamaha, pro-link suspension and Daryl Beattie’s toes?
4. Casey Stoner. Picking up the ‘Westy’ (trophy given to the only guy who finishes the race outside the points; comes with a free kidney) probably wasn’t what you were looking for, but look on the bright side, Casey—you didn’t cry in the back of a minivan when your engine broke down, unlike a previous defending champion in the recent past. Sure, you’re 41 points down in the championship race, but it’s not the end of the world. Just get one of your graphic design friends [Er, you do have friends don’t you? Your groupie—I mean, wife, and misery-loves-company-partner Pedrosa not withstanding.] to make a funky-looking sticker symbolising how far off the points lead you are and slap it on the back of your bike. Oh, wait... that didn’t work out so well last time, did it? Forget it, jug ears, you’re screwed. New goal for 2008: concentrate on getting another Italian rider railroaded out of the factory Ducati team.
3. The Passing Game.
Some guys can; some guys can’t/
Some guys make half-arsed attempts
... and some guys won’t.
[Any ‘Racey’ fans out there by any chance? God, I hope not.]
The passing game is a bit like a movie. Nothing happens for the first few laps, everyone riding line astern, then some guy with balls unexpectedly shows up and turns everything on its head. The experts say that these days, with the 800cc formula and TC, it’s soooooo hard to pass. Well, Rossi never seems to have any problems going from P-oops!-another-crap-start to P1 faster than Dorna shill, Nick Harris, can say: “Absolutely Flying!” Lorenzo is of a similar bent. [Bent, geddit? Heh heh; that’s one of them entendres that double. Hah hah, I kill me. Ahem... I’ll get Ben’s coat.] Stoner seems to have it, too. Hayden, Edwards, Pedrosa et al... not so much. Take Pedrosa’s laughable attempt to pass Stoner early in the proceedings: out of control, lurching wildly offline, desperately clamping on the brakes to avoid taking Stoner out, and running wide at the end of it... reminds me of his similarly unsuccessful attempt to get past Melandri early on during the 2006 British GP at Donnington—which means he hasn’t learned anything in two years... beyond how to act like a bigger .....
2. Jorge Lorenzo. So far so good for J-Lo in 2008. The Stoner plan of crashing in practice, but never in the races is working perfectly. The androgynous look obviously appeals to Rossi, too. Notice how solicitous his Italian teammate was to Boy-Jorge’s condition in parc ferme and on the podium and their friendly banter—compared with the jokes Rossi had at a previously-injured Pedrosa’s expense in Malaysia in 2006. In other J-Lo news, a 4th edition of his mega-selling biography has been delayed. There was no new material (Dani’s still a ......, he’s still overcoming adversity to finish higher than a mere mortal should), and Amatriain doesn’t have enough money to keep buying every copy.
1. Valentino Rossi. “The Doctor is back!” thundered every journalist to lazy to write some decent copy (Did Rossi go away somewhere that I missed?). Victory at Le Mans marks his first back to back wins in something like two seasons, and his first time to head the points table for since March 2007. And people had the nerve to suggest his best days might be behind him! Le Mans also saw the return of teflon-Rossi. Despite taking two basically uncontested race wins (once he hit the front he was never headed) with comfortable winning margins, there’s been a noticeable absence of the endless moaning about the bore-fest that MotoGP has become that crop up when other riders win. Breads and Circuses, I suppose.
While the canary tifosi are dancing (to Ace of Base) like it’s 1996, there was one guy who looked distressed in parc ferme last Sunday: Uccio. There was anguish on his face as he held the towel for Rossi. They spoke and it appeared he wanted assurances that there would be no biting of the towel this time—especially not in conjunction with coquettish looks at Lorenzo. But Rossi was having none of it, and Uccio eventually had to give him the towel (it’s his job, after all). It’s my understanding that when Rossi sat on Lorenzo’s lap for the podium photograph Uccio fainted...
On a personal note, I’d just like to add: Rossi, you .......! When you stopped on your victory lap, surrounded by a sea of yellow, I thought: aha! The ego is back. Here comes another staged celebration. This top ten will write itself even more than they normally do. But then you had to go and ruin it by celebrating your 90th Grand Prix win with pure class. Having Angel Nieto ride your bike and carrying the 90 + 90 flag was a wonderful gesture. It was respectful of your place in history alongside another great, and, more importantly, brought renewed recognition to Nieto’s fantastic achievements to an audience who might previously have known little about the man. Top stuff.
