A Top Ten Guide...

classic!

brilliant as always!

Great Sun.

You never fail to impress with the Top Ten.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Oct 4 2008, 12:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>9Andrea ‘Rocky Balboa’ Dovizioso (does Stallone know you’ve nicked his hats?)

3. Dani Pedrosa. Did you see the little git standing on the podium, chuffed to be wearing a red Bridgestone hat that was a few sizes to big for him?

..............attempted ... with an air fence in Germany

hahha - the best bits for me, simple - yet very funny! Nice work!

Everybody who thought there was an update. Sorry.
But I do really really really want one.

puppy eyes at Sun

Brillant as always Sun....I knew that there was something off about J-Lo, I mean, I like the guy now....so very twilight zone!

Hey everyone,

Sorry about the long delay for the Phillip Island entry. But I managed to post it before the Sepang race... just!

A Top Ten Guide to Phillip Island, Australia, 2008

10. Alberto Puig. The most popular man in the MotoGP paddock proved it once again this past week, with his fascinating insights into Nicky Hayden’s career. It was awfully kind of him to so magnanimously clear the air, and put forth all the facts (it was also an equally wonderful gesture for MotoGP.com to provide him with a platform from which to speak). But I’m left with just one question: if Alby’s version of reality was projected onto the world at large, what it would look like, I wonder... perhaps a touch North Koreanesque? We might see Our Dear Pedrosa appear in public wearing elevated shoes (anyone who laughed would be shot), towering blonde Fembots might crush him against their chest or kiss him with clenched teeth under the watchful gaze of Our Great Puig (wait... those things have actually happened), and Dorna’s TV coverage might wax lyrical about his achievements (not that it doesn’t already), such as the time where evil capitalist pigs sabotaged his PRC Pugang 800 in qualifying, forcing Our Dear Pedrosa to start from the back of grid, yet still he managed to pass all the riders to lead the first lap—going on to win so convincingly that only he was awarded championship points (and the eternal championship), so far behind did the rest of the field finish...

9. Shinya Nakano. Nakers favourite Kylie song is ‘I should be so lucky’ and it’s not hard to see why: rumours circulating at the Island suggested he was a likely prospect for the 3rd (apparently Aspar) Kawasaki, despite being noticeably non-Spanish and in the race itself he finished 5th, despite hovering Nicky Hayden-style at the back of a pack of riders for half the race, and failing to pass any of them. NB: He didn’t actually ‘pass’ Dovi and ..... Tonk on the last lap—he simply maintained the normal racing line for that lap, while they... didn’t. 5th place also helps keep his P-Nakano (9th/10th) finishing record average for 2008 bang on 9.5. How lucky is that?

8. Seagulls. There are only a handful of constants at any outdoor Australian public event (sporting or otherwise). They are, in order of importance: beer, meat (preferably well-burnt), chips (meaning: potatoes, fried and salted... vegetables are an important part of the diet, after all), and tomato sauce (WTF is ‘ketchup’ ...sounds like an STD, or something... if an alternative name must be used, the generic ‘sauce’ will do fine (really, what other kind is there?), or, if you want to sound 100% Oker, you can say: ‘dead horse’). A rudimentary knowledge of English can help, with some of the key phrases being: Howz-it-goin-mate? Get-that-into-ya. Are-you-blind-ya-......-white-maggot? Footwear is optional, as is a shirt, and personal hygiene, but without exception there will always be seagulls... even 1000km inland. Phillip Island, being, well... an island, has coastline and nearby sea (imagine that!) so seagulls are always in abundance at the track, drawn by the raucous, sweaty Aussie masses, and unable to resist the lure of hot chips tossed away in idle amusement. All this explains why year after year half a dozen of the stupid birds on average end up as fairing or helmet ornaments each race weekend. Bautista was particularly unlucky in the 250s, baulked in the latter stages for the second race in succession... this time by a bloody seagull.

7. Michelin. Well now, this feels awkward, but... you can’t help feeling kind of sorry for the famous French manufacturer of molded rubber. The tone of somber regret throbbing between the lines of their fax announcing they would not be tendering for the 2009 single tyre proposal should have brought a tear to any true fan’s eye; it’s also quite the cliché for the French to surrender without a fight. Having dominated the sport for the last twenty years with their custom-built, specially allocated products, Michelin is limping along to the finish line—technically and politically out-maneuvered by a Japanese company with more R & D money than God. [Who says you can’t buy success in Motorsport? Er... probably that bunch of Toyota F1 executives looking nervously at their feet in the corner.] What exactly this all means for Tech 3 and Colin Edwards, given they both draw their pay checks from the fat, white man-blob, remains to be seen; the end of a ‘beautiful’ friendship? On a personal note, I’ll miss Michelin too; it won’t be the same, without slagging them off at least once every Top Ten...

6. James Toseland. The man with a 6th place finish fetish, finished in 6th place for the 6th time this year, but not before providing fans at the track and watching on TV some much needed excitement—a word hardly synonymous with the 800cc class. Mr. ..... Tonk made his two-tone ....-cheese and cordon-bleu coloured Tech 3 Yamaha wider than the holes in Dorna’s credibility, managing to ensure that Lorenzo and Dovizioso wouldn’t be tasting any champagne after this race, and that Rossi wouldn’t get anywhere near the top step. There was thrilling passing and re-passing action aplenty, but things went pear-shaped on the last lap when Jimmy T tried to punt Dovi off of the track, in revenge for Le Mans earlier this year, but only succeeded in gifting 5th place to Shinya ‘I had the best seat in the house’ Nakano. In the pits after the race, Dovi was sobbing uncontrollably and birthday boy Jimbo sounded like his dog had just been shot; if this is what effect close racing has on the competitors, it’s no wonder that MotoGP has turned into the fastest bore on Earth.

5. Dani Pedrosa. Whoops! Bridgestones don’t appear to heat up quite as quickly as your Michelins used to, Dani boy; it’s too bad you can’t share data with Stoner (and when I say share data, I mean look at his, without giving him access to yours, of course).

4. Nicky Hayden. Way to go, Nicky. Another podium! That makes two for the year, the same as Elias. Great PR, too. By choosing soft tyres—against the wishes of your Michelin tyre technicians—you were able run close to Stoner’s pace (giving everyone something to think about for next year) for about 9 laps, before your tyres gave up the ghost. Sure, if you’d chosen harder tyres, you would have had more grip for the last few laps, but then you would’ve likely been stuck in that battle for 4th for the whole race. It was a much better plan to fade from 2nd and let Rossi catch you. And in typical Rossi/Hayden fashion he did it at the start of the last lap; you tried and failed to overtake on the inside at Honda corner (a move no one managed the whole race; weren’t you watching it on the big screen TVs?) and settled for a somewhat lame-duck third. But, hey! you beat the guy who almost cost you the 2006 championship quite convincingly.

3. Casey Stoner. Lap One, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Two, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Three, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Four, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Five, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Six, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Seven, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Eight, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Nine, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Ten, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Eleven, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Twelve, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Thirteen, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Fourteen, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Fifteen, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Sixteen, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Seventeen, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Eighteen, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Nineteen, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Twenty, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Twenty-one, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Twenty-two, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Twenty-three, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Twenty-four, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Twenty-five, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Twenty-six, 1st place: Casey Stoner. Lap Twenty-seven, 1st place: Casey Stoner. At least the bogans went home happy.

2. Valentino Rossi. Is there anything that this multi-talented genius can’t do? Another storming ride saw him power through the field from 12th on the grid to 2nd at the chequered flag, in the process overtaking Wally and Nakers in one go, at one of the fastest corners in racing—all the while nonchalantly making adjustments to his clutch/brake/remote-controlled anal probe. Of course, Vale was injured in a qualifying crash the previous day, complaining of whiplash and headaches (there’s a rumour that Uccio’s new nickname, ‘Thunder Thighs,’ was actually the source of those particular injuries), and so not at his best. Otherwise he would’ve won.

1. Alberto Puig Redux. A lot of harsh, negative and unfair criticism has been leveled at Alberto in recent times, so I’d like to take this opportunity to say something about the great things this great man has done for Grand Prix motorcycle racing.
...
...
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Nope... I can’t do it—not even as the set up for a joke. Puig is a ........ of the highest order. He is a ...... of such epic proportions that even if you had a lifetime’s supply of .... of your choice (and all the KY Jelly to keep things lubricated)—you wouldn’t be able to keep pace. The fact Puig has managed to piss away all the sympathy that existed towards him, following his horrific, career-ending crash at Le Mans in 1995, shows what lengths this bitter, myopic, driven, shriveled-turd of a human being will go to in an attempt to ensure that his rider can win/wins.
















‘El Shinya’ used to live in Barcelona at one time, actually, and his favourite cosplay outfit is that of a matador. He also speaks as much Spanish as Manuel from Fawlty Towers. Apparently, all that wasn’t enough for Aspar, though: it was announced on October 18th that there will be no 3rd Kawasaki on the grid in 2009.
Traditionally, this is said—frequently, and at high volume—while watching winter sporting contests, but when enough alcohol is involved, it’s been known to be reflexively shouted randomly at any event.
Of course, de Puniet could’ve kept pace with Stoner for a while, if he’d chosen to run a qualifying tyre in the race...
Actually, just going by this race weekend, there are a few things that come to mind: Vale doesn’t crash gracefully; he’s also not as good at Vermeulen at keeping the bike upright on greasy Phillip Island grass; he couldn’t gain positions going into the first corner of an opening lap if his life depended on it.
Much is made of Rossi’s ability to scythe through the field, following a crap start in 2008. Why is this a surprise? He’s riding demonstrably the best package on the grid. Yes, really. Where is Rossi in the world championship? Already crowned world champion with 3 races left. Where are Yamaha in the constructer’s championship? Holding an unassailable lead. Where are Fiat Yamaha in the team standings? Holding an unassailable lead. Which brand of tyre has dominated in 2008? Bridgestone. All that points to Rossi being on demonstrably the best package, to me; we all know that numbers don’t lie. Besides, if you have the set-up correct and the pace to almost match the race leader/winner, doesn’t it stand to reason that you must inevitably gravitate towards the front?

you da man sun!

Talking 'bout cutting it close Sun!

When I see you have posted, I go get a cup of tea, get comfy and then read and sniggers.

Enjoyable as always!

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE <div class='quotemain'>Alberto Puig Redux. A lot of harsh, negative and unfair criticism has been leveled at Alberto in recent times, so I’d like to take this opportunity to say something about the great things this great man has done for Grand Prix motorcycle racing.
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Oct 19 2008, 05:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>A Top Ten Guide to Phillip Island, Australia, 2008

Michelin is limping along to the finish line—technically and politically out-maneuvered by a Japanese company with more R & D money than God. [Who says you can’t buy success in Motorsport? Er... probably that bunch of Toyota F1 executives looking nervously at their feet in the corner.] ...


You are amazing Sun. Thanks again.

LOVED NUMBER 1!

now, we await for the sepang edition

So, uh, about the Sepang edition. It's coming, but not before the race in Valencia. Sorry about that. Maybe Monday night (Japan time)? Hope to have the Valencia edition done by next weekend, too.

Anyways, here's a taste of things to come:

9. Track Invasion. Right at the end of the race, a future candidate for the Darwin Awards (he tried hard, but didn’t quite eliminate himself from the gene pool this time around)—who’d obviously had a Tiger brew or twelve—staggered onto the track (he managed this, how?) took off his shirt (revealing a chest that a fresh-plucked chicken would be proud of) and proceeded to ‘wave the riders home.’ For his troubles he received a richly-deserved ‘Biaggi salute’ from Rossi and a good kicking from 25 of the bravest ‘better-late-than-never’ track officials you’ll ever see. Afterwards, bloodied, tired and emotional (but apparently not yet arrested) he was consoled in the arms of a friend. Apparently their choice of footwear identified them as Singaporean (an important point, I’m sure). As we’re left to ponder this bizarre event, many will be thinking: How? Why? And, ouch, that’s gonna hurt come winter. All I can say is: Ma-laaaay-sia, Truuuu-ly Aaa-sia!

Sun, oh sun...

no pressure really

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (somedamnwriter @ Oct 31 2008, 05:32 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Sun, oh sun...

no pressure really


Nope...none at all. Mainly because I only just got round to reading the PI ones!
Actually here's what...why don't you give them to us one paragraph at a time? With 19 entries left to go that should just about see us through the off season at one per week....

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Bikergirl @ Oct 31 2008, 11:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Nope...none at all. Mainly because I only just got round to reading the PI ones!
Actually here's what...why don't you give them to us one paragraph at a time? With 19 entries left to go that should just about see us through the off season at one per week....

haha, good idea

Heh, don't you love the whooshing sound those (self-imposed) deadlines make as they go rushing by! Last Monday night turned out to be wildly optimistic, seeing as it's now Saturday night, but the Sepang edition will be going up shortly. Not sure when I'll have the Valencia edition done, but this gives me an idea:

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Bikergirl @ Nov 1 2008, 12:30 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Actually here's what...why don't you give them to us one paragraph at a time? With [10] entries left to go that should just about see us through the off season at one per week....
Don't tempt me!

A Top Ten Guide to Sepang, Malaysia, 2008

10. Nobuatsu Aoki. First, the facts: FP1, 4.8 seconds off the pace; FP2, 3.3 seconds off the pace; FP3, 2.9 seconds off the pace (the only good thing about those numbers was that at least they were heading in the right direction); QP, 3.3 off the pace; RAC, 1:48 seconds down on the race winner. Now we know what might have happened had Akiyoshi managed to keep it upright beyond one corner at Motegi. [Perhaps Kosuke deliberately crashed to save himself some embarrassment?] Clearly, Nobby was still pining over the loss of Ben Spies from fairy blue Suzuki—but that’s no excuse for being beaten by Melandri. The scary thing is, Nobby was “testing new parts” for Suzuki... is this a sign of things come for 2009, then?

9. Track Invasion. Right at the end of the race, a future candidate for the Darwin Awards (he tried hard, but didn’t quite eliminate himself from the gene pool this time around)—who’d obviously had a Tiger brew or twelve—staggered onto the track (he managed this, how?) took off his shirt (revealing a chest that a fresh-plucked chicken would be proud of) and proceeded to ‘wave the riders home.’ For his troubles he received a richly-deserved ‘Biaggi salute’ from Rossi and a good kicking from 25 of the bravest ‘better-late-than-never’ track officials you’ll ever see. Afterwards, bloodied, tired and emotional (but apparently not yet arrested) he was consoled in the arms of a friend. Apparently their choice of footwear identified them as Singaporean (an important point, I’m sure). As we’re left to ponder this bizarre event, many will be thinking: How? Why? And, ouch, that’s gonna hurt come winter. All I can say is: Ma-laaaay-sia, Truuuu-ly Aaa-sia!

8. Anthony West. Westy returned to Sepang, the scene of his ‘greatest’ moment in MotoGP, a little older, none the wiser (about setting up a MotoGP bike), and sounding even more bitter than ever before (how is that even physically possible?). His stated goal for the last four rounds of the season was to stay ahead of Hopkins and Melandri, because he ‘likes’ saying ‘I’m losing my ride to give room to two riders who are slower than me’ (sic). Putting to one side the fact that Hopkins is already riding for Kawasaki as his team-mate, when Westy made these comments post-Sepang he had already failed to beat both Hopkins and Melandri first at Motegi, then at Sepang itself. Way to totally set yourself retroactive goals in public that you can’t even meet, dude. Does the Malaysian heat induce these moments of comedy gold, or are you testing the waters for a post-racing career?

7. Shinya Nakano. Wow, Nakers, what’s happened to you?!? Another 5th place—this time ahead of Stoner. If this keeps up you’ll need to ask Edwards for some of his ‘high altitude medication’ (although I think you’ll find he ran out of tablets after Assen). Laguna Seca (10th) was the last time we saw a P(Nakano)9/10 finish from you. Did someone mess with your metronome over the summer break, or set the speed a little faster?

6. Marco Melandri. At Sepang last year, Melandri was second; this year, second last. It seems hard to believe, doesn’t it—that he actually came second in a race once! But wait, there’s more... #33 (coincidently, his number is also the speed in km/h that he laps at) is a 5 time MotoGP race winner, former 250cc world champion, and very nearly a former 125cc world champion (and if he’d succeeded in punting Alzamora off track in the final race of that season he would’ve been). So how is it—and we’ve seen this several times this season—that riders who have crashed and rejoined the race or been delayed by a jump-start penalty are able to comfortably beat Melandri to the finish line? A prime seat on a factory bike hasn’t been wasted to this extent since formerly-‘Fast’ Freddie Spencer’s ill-fated comeback in 1989. Even Jacques Villeneuve tried harder during his time at BAR Honda.

5. Casey Stoner. How to prepare the perfect ‘friendly stranger,’ by Casey ‘winners-don’t-feel-pain’ Stoner (a Powerslide.net exclusive). Step 1: Lots of hard braking (oh yeah, baby, hard braking) to completely numb an already injured hand. Step 2: Overcompensate with your ‘good’ hand, leading to cramps (and thus lessen the temptation to ruin the ‘friendly stranger’ aspect by using two hands). Step 3: A private motor-home, some gum leaf scented lubricant, a furry glove (turned inside out), a box of Kleenex, and the Complete DVD collection of Stoner’s 41 Australian Dirt track titles and 70 State titles. If you thought Casey looked ...... in the pits after the running of the race, that’s nothing compared to how he was when staggering out of his motor-home around midnight, in search of a bucket of ice and some soothing ointment.

4. Nicky Hayden. What a disappointing race for/by Hayden. I’m not talking about the fact that the factory-riding six-year veteran and ex-world champ was beaten straight up by a MotoGP rookie on a satellite bike. I’m not even talking about the fact that every ‘pass’ or passing attempt he makes looks about as coordinated as Hopkin’s wardrobe, Vermeulen’s headgear or Westy’s hairstyle. I’m talking about the fact that since Hayden failed to beat Dovizioso for 3rd place and get on the podium, we didn’t get to see old chums, Nicky and Alberto, on camera in close proximity in Parc Ferme after the race!

3. Andrea Dovizioso. It’s about time! Finally, after seventeen races of failure Dovi showed us all how easy it is to ride in the premier class by claiming his first podium. Now, how about topping a practice session, or taking pole, or clocking a fastest race lap sometime, eh?

2. Dani Pedrosa. You can say what you like about the little #2 (and plenty of people have), but there’s no denying he’s a fast learner. After only a handful of races with Bridgestone tyres (and the ‘new’ pneumatic engine), he managed to snag pole, grab the hole-shot and race away to an early lead. Of course, he often managed to do all of those things on Michelin tyres, so you have to wonder what all the fuss was about. And, unlike Catalunya (the scene of Pedrosa’s last successful runaway triumph), this time he was closed down, passed at mid-race distance, and then gapped quite easily. Maybe it would’ve have been a different story with Michelins (which were quite strong at Sepang last year)? In other news, did anyone notice that shiny, wet sheen on Pedder’s face during the post-race Dorna interview? That wasn’t sweat, people, but Pedrobot plastic melting...

1. Valentino Rossi. A reasonable start for the Doctor this time saw him only lose one place into the first corner from his starting position. He was soon sniffing at the back door of early race leader, Pedrosa, and he must've liked what he smelled because he stayed there in close company for almost half the race. But on lap 10 the melting plastic possibly became a bit too pungent, and at turn 9, throwing out his left leg like a dog cocking it to take a piss, Rossi took the lead. From there it was just a matter of grinding out 11 laps to the end... a seemingly interminable period of time for both Valentino and everyone watching. And, while he didn't look like he was ready to keel over in the post-race interview (unlike Sideshow Simoncelli), Rossi’s thin, drawn and pinched face did look like he’d aged about 5 years in the space of an hour. Is an off-season visit to a Botox clinic on the cards?