A Top Ten Guide...

Thanks Sun !!! Brilliant as usual ..

fantastico.. Thanx Sun

How could you pick on that old dog Loris???
Quality Sun.....thanks for taking the time...

thanks sun...just in time for the indy gp.

and sorry. i won't pressure you from now on.

Most exellent Sun, Thanks!

Brilliant job so far. Thanks. The next ones going to be a real challenge, me thinks.

always worth the wait brother!

The best one yet Sun.

A Top Ten Guide to Indianapolis, United States of America, 2008.

10. Colin Edwards. The ‘Texan Pipe Dream’ turned up at Indianapolis, his bikes all tricked-out in red, white and blue claiming victory was a ‘real possibility’. But a tornado is no match for a hurricane, and 15th place was all he could manage. Remarkably he didn’t complain about his tyres after the race (of course, even for Wally, that would be hard to do with a straight face considering there were 3 Michelin runners in the top 5), but he did climb onto his second favourite excuse hobby-horse: set-up woes. Sayeth Wally, “We spent too much time in practice on a new setting, and I couldn’t get the bike to turn.” Again, I ask, how is it that Edwards has this reputation for being a development and set-up wunderkind? Oh well, at least he beat his teammate for the first time since Assen.

9. de Twins. Arrrgghh... my... head... is still ....... killing me one week later. As soon as I found out it would be a wet race I knew I needed the hard stuff for de Drinking game: Wood’s Old Navy Rum and Tequila. I figured there was no way both Randy and Alex would survive more than a handful of laps, and I didn’t want to repeat the sober disappointment of Misano. As the race progressed, I took a shot of each in turn, lap after lap as the useless fuckers refused to crash. Drinking games are supposed to get you pissed, not put you into a coma. Needless to say, I was red flagged long before the race was...

8. Bridgestone. Uh oh... here we go again. Remember the Michelin days when first Biaggi, then Gibernau and finally Melandri were always moaning that because Rossi was getting special tyres they couldn’t have he was always stronger at the end of races? In an article entitled ‘Bridgestone acknowledge difficulties after latest win’ I noticed the following quote: “The wet conditions at Indianapolis caused problems for Bridgestone MotoGP riders, with the notable exception of race winner, Valentino Rossi.” Since a way was found for him to join up with the Japanese tyre manufacturer this season, Rossi certainly has been throwing his weight around... disparaging the work of the Bridgestone test riders, and demanding a qualifying front tyre (which he clearly needs since Stoner has 7 poles this year, and Rossi only 2). How long before Stoner and Pedrosa start whining about special treatment?

7. Andrea Dovizioso. It’s about bloody time Pimp “Oh-my-god,-800s-are-soooooo-easy-to-ride-and-if-I-fall-off,-it’s-because-I’ve-fallen-asleep’ Dovi (he of girly, white headband and questionable taste in hat wear fame) finally did something of note in his MotoGP career. He actually led the race for a couple of laps before relinquishing the position to the undisputed master of the 800cc formula... Nicky Hayden. Still no podiums, poles, race wins or fastest laps for Dovi in 2008, though. Even Guintoli and Westy have managed to top the time sheets in a practice session before. With all those blanks on his resume, it’s no wonder Andy is a lock for Respol HRC... that’s the trend these days in MotoGP; after all, Hayden, Melandri and possibly even Charlie Chuka will be on factory bikes for 2009.

6. Dani Pedrosa. No one can bring together the MotoGP-loving public the way that Peders does—not even Rossi in his wildest dreams could draw such a united response as when #2 was introduced to the crowd on the starting grid. A wet race on a track with sixty-five different surfaces is no time to debut a new set of boots (especially when the much-vaunted superiority of said boots fails to materialise), but it’s so much harder when you aren’t allowed to run your favourite donk. Poor Dani looked all at sea using the pneumatic; his best lap was almost a second slower than Dovizioso. A radical change in his ....-viewing habits (less buff boys on parade, more valley girls) might help him get a better, uh, handle on the benefits of pneumatic technology.

5. Ben Spies. In a race where the top-finishing Honda rider was an American who won’t be riding for Honda next year, it was only fitting that the top-finishing Suzuki should be piloted by another American—who definitely won’t be turning out in fairy blue in 2009. How did it come to pass that Texas’ greatest gift to the motorcycling universe is without a MotoGP ride for next year? Why give ....-for-a-name Speeees 2 wildcards (plus have him sub for Capirossi at Donington, and invite him to ride at Assen) only to fail to sign him up for a full time spot? In a Powerslide.net exclusive I can reveal the shocking truth as to why the courtship of Ben and Suzuki is over. First, let me set a few facts straight: Spies’ salary demand of $47,000,000 per race (to be doubled in 2010 after he wins the 2009 championship) was not a factor in their failure to come terms. Nor was the probable full-time Grim Reaper-like presence of Mary ‘Jocasta’ Spies in the pits a deal breaker (except perhaps with Stuart Shenton, who thought she would be a definite downgrade over Vermin’s bird or Caper’s missus). It wasn’t even an issue that ....-for-a-name wanted a lifetime’s supply of horse tranquilizers for his in-flight relaxation. No, the straw that broke the Rizla’s back (see what I did there!) was Nobuatsu Aoki. Did you see the two of them cuddling in the garage after the race was red flagged? Aoki, sporting a yanki tan and a Rossi/Lorenzo-style boyish-lesbian haircut, was practically sitting in Spies’ lap, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Nick Harris, commentating on the MotoGP.com feed could only mumble awkwardly when confronted with such blatant ....-erotic imagery. Apparently, they became acquainted during an offseason Malaysian test that had to be abandoned because of heavy rain (leaving them holed up in their hotel rooms with lots of time on their hands), but they didn’t go public until the testing sessions held at Indianapolis in July this year (now we know why Spies refused the ride at Assen; he wanted to make sure everything was perfect for his date with Nobu). Despite the potential distractions and pitfalls, Suzuki were still trying to make something happen with Spies, until Carmelo Ezpeleta and Dorna blocked the deal. In the continuing push to mass-market MotoGP and appeal more to families, Ezpeleta was worried that MotoGP was becoming too camp in the premier class (and it doesn’t help having the 125cc class filled with skinny little teenage boys). Nobu, of course, was heartbroken, telling anyone who would listen, “My big Ben, my poor big Ben, he look so good in sky blue.”

4. John Hopkins. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Someone is definitely telling pork pies, that’s for sure. In the previous Top Ten I reported that Johnny Mon$ter, after injuring himself for the 724th time in his career during testing in Brno, sat out of Friday practice at Misano. This was Kawasaki’s official explanation. The absence of his wife had tongues in the GP paddock wagging, with suggestions that Hopkins had actually injured himself for the 725th time in his career the night before, and that this time a bottle of Jack Daniels or three was the culprit. Did Ashleigh cheat on Hooper and fly home? Did Hopper cheat on Ashleigh, get caught, and thus she flew home? Did Kawasaki call for his immediate dismissal? Does anyone but National Enquirer readers and Julian Ryder really care? On his own website, Hopkins posted the following:

“Hey Guys,
wanted to calm all the speculation and speak with my fans direct.
I had severe pain in my ribs from the previous Inury on Friday morning before practise and was obviously unable to make it out. But im back on the bike and im feeling a little stronger with a good nights rest last night. Fingers crossed for tomorrow and will keep you posted on my thoughts. Noticed alot in the press about me and Ashleigh's personal life and it is sad because she wanted to keep it between us.
Unfortunatly Ashleigh's grandma passed away recently and she was extremely upset and wanted to be with her family at this time so took the next flight home. I wanted her by my side this weekend as my injury was getting me down, so she flew back over to keep me going and stop all the chatter in the paddock. thankyou for understanding guys”

The grammatically-challenged sentences and spelling mistakes tend to suggest that Hopper himself really did post this on his website (possibly straight from his cell-phone). Aside from the fact that this makes Hopkins seem particularly selfish and needy, if this is the true version of events, then score 0 for the gutter GP paddock press. But if this is true, why would Hopkins’ manager, Bob Moore, make this statement: "John is riding for Kawasaki next year in MotoGP. We have cleared everything up."? What was there to clear up? Of course, if it’s not true, then Hopkins is too pathetic for words...

3. Hurricane Ike. Meet Ike Storm, a late wildcard entrant for the race. Mr. Storm lists his hobbies as blowing out birthday candles, and causing widespread destruction and misery. He’s not popular with the fans, officials and most of the riders, but counts West, Guintoli and Vermeulen as personal friends. He took Friday practice by, uh, storm, making himself at home, reveling in the conditions (he caused). But the pressure of qualifying on Saturday was much too high for Ike, who didn’t even put in an appearance. He wasn’t to be denied on race day, however, forcing his way onto the grid and having a strong say during the opening laps. Mid-race, however, he faded, showing a lack of fitness. When he realised he was no longer a chance to win the race, Ike gathered himself for one last effort, deciding that if he couldn’t be king, he could at least be kingmaker and brought proceedings to a screeching halt. While it is unlikely that Ike will ever race again, there is a chance his cousin, Typhoon no. 14, might make a wildcard appearance at the next race in Motegi.

2. Nicky Hayden. Amazing... up until Sunday it had been over two years since Hayden last led a race, and over a year since his last podium finish. Even more amazing (or possibly just sad)... Colin Edwards has done so much better in comparison. But, gimpy foot and all, Hay Bales was determined to put on a good show for 4,000 of his closest relatives who traveled up from Owensboro to fill a 2,000 seat section of the main straight stand. Watching the ‘epic’ battle between Rossi and Hayden was like all those times in 2005-2006 where Nicky almost held his own against Vale for a while, before finishing behind him. Following the official confirmation that he’ll be riding for Ducati next season, Hayden was introduced to a gathering of U.S. Ducati dealers—the rapturous reception he received from this not-involved-in-racing group makes it quite clear why Ducati signed him to ride for them in 2009 (and 2010 if he sells enough bikes).

1. Valentino Rossi. Congratulations on win number 69 in the premier class, Vale. It’s a shame that Agostini was too ‘cool’ to participate in any post-race celebration either in Misano or at Indianapolis, a la Angel Neito. Still, I’m sure a crushing hug from Uccio is some consolation—we all saw how happy Rossi looked as the cherubic one gleefully reminded him how the two of them planned to celebrate win number 69. There was a moment of drama in the midst of all the celebrating, however, when Carmelo Ezpeleta came running up with the rule book. Here’s a transcript of the conversation:

“I won. I won. Is good, no? Number 69!” said Rossi, as Carmelo came over.
“Yeah, baby,” said Uccio in the background, adding under his breath: “That hot tub is gonna feel sooooo good.”
“Yes, wonderful, Valentino. You are the best, of course. We are very happy to see you winning.”
“I know, I know. Is good, no?”
“But, there is a problem,” said Carmelo, “We can’t declare you the winner just yet.”
Rossi blinked. “A what? Why not? I am winner.”
“The race, it didn’t run the full distance. And the rules state that we must complete it.”
“Is impossible. I won. The conditions were very terrible. There was a red flag, no? You see, the race is over. I won.”
“Of course you did, Vale, of course. But the rules say we must run an eight lap sprint if the conditions improve.”
“Improve? Is a ....... hurricane out there—that wasn’t angry American F1 fans throwing .... onto the track, you know.”
“I know,” said Carmelo, aware of all the cameras trained on their conversation. “But the conditions have eased a little since we stopped the race. And the 250cc class has not yet run; many of the riders are anxious to race. How would it look if we said it was too dangerous to complete the MotoGP race, but run the 250s afterwards?”
“Is impossible, Carmelo. I won. 8 laps is a joke, no? Besides, my starts are so bad that 8 laps might not be enough for me to get to the front.”
“Yes, yes, I see,” said Carmelo. He thought for a moment. “Very well, we will cancel the 250s... then there can be no awkward questions about completing the MotoGP race.”
“Oh, Carmelo,” said Vale, “where would MotoGP be without you?”

So, as we head to across the Pacific to Motegi, Rossi now has both hands firmly on the championship cup and is getting ready to give it a big sloppy kiss.














Remember what ‘ben’ means in Japanese, people!

wonderfully sweet of you sun for giving us that transcript

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Sep 21 2008, 02:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Carmelo Ezpeleta came running up with the rule book. Here’s a transcript of the conversation:

“I won. I won. Is good, no? Number 69!” said Rossi, as Carmelo came over.
“Yeah, baby,” said Uccio in the background, adding under his breath: “That hot tub is gonna feel sooooo good.”
“Yes, wonderful, Valentino. You are the best, of course. We are very happy to see you winning.”
“I know, I know. Is good, no?”
“But, there is a problem,” said Carmelo, “We can’t declare you the winner just yet.”
Rossi blinked. “A what? Why not? I am winner.”
“The race, it didn’t run the full distance. And the rules state that we must complete it.”
“Is impossible. I won. The conditions were very terrible. There was a red flag, no? You see, the race is over. I won.”
“Of course you did, Vale, of course. But the rules say we must run an eight lap sprint if the conditions improve.”
“Improve? Is a ....... hurricane out there—that wasn’t angry American F1 fans throwing .... onto the track, you know.”
“I know,” said Carmelo, aware of all the cameras trained on their conversation. “But the conditions have eased a little since we stopped the race. And the 250cc class has not yet run; many of the riders are anxious to race. How would it look if we said it was too dangerous to complete the MotoGP race, but run the 250s afterwards?”
“Is impossible, Carmelo. I won. 8 laps is a joke, no? Besides, my starts are so bad that 8 laps might not be enough for me to get to the front.”
“Yes, yes, I see,” said Carmelo. He thought for a moment. “Very well, we will cancel the 250s... then there can be no awkward questions about completing the MotoGP race.”
“Oh, Carmelo,” said Vale, “where would MotoGP be without you?”

That was pure gold Sun, this part really had me rolling, Thanks

Great stuf Sun. And once again he rises above the sun.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Sep 21 2008, 07:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>A Top Ten Guide to Indianapolis, United States of America, 2008.


“I won. I won. Is good, no? Number 69!” said Rossi, as Carmelo came over.
“Yeah, baby,” said Uccio in the background, adding under his breath: “That hot tub is gonna feel sooooo good.”
“Yes, wonderful, Valentino. You are the best, of course. We are very happy to see you winning.”
“I know, I know. Is good, no?”
“But, there is a problem,” said Carmelo, “We can’t declare you the winner just yet.”
Rossi blinked. “A what? Why not? I am winner.”
“The race, it didn’t run the full distance. And the rules state that we must complete it.”
“Is impossible. I won. The conditions were very terrible. There was a red flag, no? You see, the race is over. I won.”
“Of course you did, Vale, of course. But the rules say we must run an eight lap sprint if the conditions improve.”
“Improve? Is a ....... hurricane out there—that wasn’t angry American F1 fans throwing .... onto the track, you know.”
“I know,” said Carmelo, aware of all the cameras trained on their conversation. “But the conditions have eased a little since we stopped the race. And the 250cc class has not yet run; many of the riders are anxious to race. How would it look if we said it was too dangerous to complete the MotoGP race, but run the 250s afterwards?”
“Is impossible, Carmelo. I won. 8 laps is a joke, no? Besides, my starts are so bad that 8 laps might not be enough for me to get to the front.”
“Yes, yes, I see,” said Carmelo. He thought for a moment. “Very well, we will cancel the 250s... then there can be no awkward questions about completing the MotoGP race.”
“Oh, Carmelo,” said Vale, “where would MotoGP be without you?”

So, as we head to across the Pacific to Motegi, Rossi now has both hands firmly on the championship cup and is getting ready to give it a big sloppy kiss.

Excellent Sun. Thanks again

As usual totally fab! Especially loved the description of Mr Storm

Glad to hear everyone liked the Misano and Indianapolis entries. Cheers.

I really hope that I'll be able get the Motegi entry done on time (i.e. before Phillip Island). I can only marvel at the brilliance of the MotoGP News guy; he seems to have his written and posted before the podium ceremony is even finished!

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (somedamnwriter @ Sep 21 2008, 10:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>wonderfully sweet of you sun for giving us that transcript
Heh, I knew you'd appreciate the insight into the murky politics of international motorsport at the top echelons.

[quote name='Rising Sun' date='Sep 22 2008, 11:33 PM' post='155048']
Glad to hear everyone liked the Misano and Indianapolis entries. Cheers.

I can only marvel at the brilliance of the MotoGP News guy; he seems to have his written and posted before the podium ceremony is even finished!


Yes but his report is based on facts and he gets paid. Yours is pure humor and creativeness and requires far greater skills. Can’t be compared. If he saw your posts he would probably pay you. Keep up the excellent work Sun.

Hilarious as usual Sun, you had me in stitches through my lunch break.


Thank you

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Sep 23 2008, 12:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Heh, I knew you'd appreciate the insight into the murky politics of international motorsport at the top echelons.

murky politics?! it was quite clear to us...and you've forgotten to insert a word on that phrase

Wow...this guy Rising Sun is pretty full of himself.