A Top Ten Guide...

excellent! another quality post. thankyou rising sun

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Jul 19 2008, 01:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'> Obscure ‘Fargo’ reference; if even one person gets it, I’ll be happy!
Everything I know about gay .... DVDs I learned from Uccio
Wait, that didn’t come out right, and fails to sufficiently prove my heterosexualness. I meant to say, Uccio showed me Rossi’s collection.
Okay, okay, I admit it. I went to one of their gay orgies.
But just to take pictures!
Valentino likes to have some photos taken with a topless girl first, but after that... it’s raining men!

top stuff again

but why oh why do we have the texts above?

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Jul 19 2008, 07:46 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>10. Colin Edwards. The Texan ‘Karma Chameleon’ is an accordion player...Unfortunately for the Nurburgring stone-thrower, he suffers from performance anxiety (not all the time, of course, he does have two children, after all)



<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE <div class='quotemain'>7. James Toseland. Yeah, yeah, we know you really can play the piano, smart arse. Can you tell us the name of that little ditty you were playing last weekend, then? Was it: ‘Crap in the rain’ or, perhaps, ‘The P6 party’s over’ or maybe it was a sad, heartfelt ballad, called... ‘Ellison’?

That Ellison bit just had me in stiches!

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE <div class='quotemain'> Obscure ‘Fargo’ reference; if even one person gets it, I’ll be happy!
Everything I know about gay .... DVDs I learned from Uccio
Wait, that didn’t come out right, and fails to sufficiently prove my heterosexualness. I meant to say, Uccio showed me Rossi’s collection.
Okay, okay, I admit it. I went to one of their gay orgies.
But just to take pictures!
Valentino likes to have some photos taken with a topless girl first, but after that... it’s raining men!

Your best yet, Sun! Thanks for the

Ah Sun!
A pure symphony!!!
Well done! You're as adaptable in changing writing style as Vale is at changing riding style

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Jul 19 2008, 12:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>A Top Ten Guide to Sachsenring, Germany, 2008

Unfortunately for the Nurburgring stone-thrower, he suffers from performance anxiety (not all the time, of course, he does have two children, after all), often losing all feeling for his instrument when it’s show time and rarely displaying the talent his practice form would suggest.

Luckily for Dani, there is something called a synclavier. It lets him do everything without the need for interacting with people. He has often been criticised for his compositions: fast and impressive openings that settle into endlessly repetitive rhythms, lacking in soul and emotion. Previously, this electronic wonder was vulnerable to damp conditions, but advances in waterproofing have led to spectacular results (although system failures can cause occasional disasters).


Obscure ‘Fargo’ reference; if even one person gets it, I’ll be happy!
Everything I know about gay .... DVDs I learned from Uccio
Wait, that didn’t come out right, and fails to sufficiently prove my heterosexualness. I meant to say, Uccio showed me Rossi’s collection.
Okay, okay, I admit it. I went to one of their gay orgies.
But just to take pictures!
Valentino likes to have some photos taken with a topless girl first, but after that... it’s raining men!


Man, u simply rock with this one.
This must be the best of the Top Tens.
You are the real maestro in writing this!!

It's FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Will Sun deliver the goods? Or will the excitement of the race at Laguna have been too much for our Maestro to weave into a composition in this short a space of time??
Watch this space to find out.....

Damn you! I clicked here all excited about Laguna being posted!

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Sally @ Jul 25 2008, 01:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Damn you! I clicked here all excited about Laguna being posted!
Damn moi???

Cheers, glad to hear everyone liked the German edition. Laguna Seca is almost done!

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (somedamnwriter @ Jul 19 2008, 04:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>but why oh why do we have the [gay orgy] texts above?
It was especially for you!

Oh, and Sally... be careful of Bikergirl. She says she can be a mean .....; and if a woman says she can be a mean ........ she's probably telling the truth! Walk softly.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Bikergirl @ Jul 25 2008, 09:12 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Damn moi???
Yeah, for gettin' us all excited.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (mattsteg @ Jul 25 2008, 05:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Yeah, for gettin' us all excited.
Nice to know I still have it in me to get a bunch of guys and the odd girl all excited

well i've been really busy as all hell & have had no time to get on the forum of late. but as usual sun never dissapoints me with his brillance! you never dissapoint brother!

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Bikergirl @ Jul 25 2008, 10:15 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Nice to know I still have it in me to get a bunch of guys and the odd girl all excited
oh you deffinately have it sweetie!

A Top Ten Guide to Laguna Seca, United States of America.

10. Colin Edwards. The ‘Texan Flatulence’ was a disappointment in his home GP. For the second year in a row he turned up with flash kit, only to go home with his tail between his legs. His arrogant friends at Michelin (you know, the ones with whom he’s had the famous, long-standing, ‘special’ relationship) ...... him over. Result: tyre ‘issues’ and a piss-poor 14th place. The ever-so-predictable post-race quotes: “I just didn't have any confidence in the front and everybody knows I am a front-end guy.” Leaving aside the fact that ‘front-end guy’ is Texan slang meaning he ‘pitches’ but doesn’t ‘catch,’ crap tyres didn’t stop the other Michelin runners from all finishing inside the top ten, including a 4th, 5th and 6th. But isn’t it great news that the 'Texan Excuse machine' will be going round again in 2009?

9. Adriana Tuchyna. The on track action caused suffocating levels of tension in the pits. Uccio chewed his fingernails to bloody stumps, dumped a load in his shorts (front and back) and sweated out a year’s worth of cooking oil. In the Malboro Ducati pit bay it was a different story: Adriana watched the race progress with arms folded, lips pursed and maintained an icy coolness that even Mika Kallio couldn’t match in deepest, darkest Finland during the depths of a really, really deep, dark, cold and icy winter. She didn’t even flinch when her man went down on (...ahem, kind of awkward wording, that…) lap 24. But don’t be thinking Adriana is an emotionless vacuum: she did smile when TomKat (in their matching bowl haircuts) dropped by before the race. No doubt Adriana was thinking that Tom Cruise looked a bigger dork in leather than Casey and that she had frumpy Katie Holmes well covered.

8. Jorge Lorenzo. Clearly J-lo still hasn’t fully recovered from that clout on the noggin he received in Catalunya. Since the 250cc class (where Lorenzo had spent the last three years) doesn’t run at Laguna Seca, he thought he was in California to take part in an Xtreme Games event. Had that actually have been the case, there’s no doubt the judges would have been impressed with his hang time, but his landing was more ....... than class, and he would have lost out on points for that...

7. The post-race whine. When things don’t go your way, there are several different approaches a rider can take. You can fume in silence, and not turn up on the podium (Lawson); you can throw spanners and toolboxes, push and scream (Capirossi & Harada’s mechanics, plus Mrs. Harada!); you can be attacked by mosquitoes (Biaggi); you can take the high road initially, then moan about it later for all eternity (Gibernau); or, you can choose to bleat to anyone in the press who will listen (every ....... rider that’s ever ridden in the sport). Of course, when loaded words like ‘dangerous’ or ‘dirty’ enter the conversation, there ought to be one golden rule: Put Up (i.e. lodge an official protest with race control), or Shut The .... Up. Valentino ‘That’s racing, Casey’ Rossi cried and sobbed uncontrollably about Elias in Istanbul 2007, but lodged no protest, and now Stoner is the latest in long, long line of unhappy and ungracious losers to throw all of his toys out of the pram, but who won’t dare ask Mummy to give the other boy a smack...

6. John Hopkins. Still recovering from his injuries (and probably in no rush to get back on the green heap of ..... that masquerades as a GP bike), John ‘yeah, definitely’ Hopkins was in the commentators’ booth at Laguna Seca. Commentating for the MotoGP.com feed, alongside Gavin ‘I’ll-say-any-stupid-....-when-I’m-excited’ Emmett and Chas ‘Hi, I’m-Casey’s-friend!’ Davies, Hopper actually had more gravitas and sounded more knowledgeable than the other two. And, sometimes he even changed it up, and said, ‘yeah, for sure’ in response to a question. You could tell it was killing him to say nice things about Hayden, and that he was delighted with Dovizioso’s 4th place—and that, in spite of himself he was impressed with Rossi’s round-the-outside move in Turn 5. Who knows—if he stays with Kawasaki—he might have more chance for success in MotoGP as a commentator.

5. Dani Pedrosa. The diminutive fan favourite wasn’t able to race, but typical big-picture awareness from Vale the Doctor Rossifumi meant Pedrosa wasn’t forgotten. Rossi’s amateurish, desperate, out-of-control, clamp-on-the-brakes-and-run-wide-while-almost-crashing overtaking maneuver at the Corkscrew brought a lump to our collective throats, and made us all realise how much we missed Dani. The only thing stopping it from being a 100% genuine Pedrosa-style passing attempt was the fact that Rossi made the ‘pass’ stick.

4. Andrea Dovizioso. Track knowledge is not something you can fake. It can only be earned through 867 laps. No one can turn up to a track as ‘notoriously difficult’ to learn as Laguna Seca and expect to do well first time out. And you certainly can’t expect to do better than a guy who’s won 66.6% of his premier class victories at this, his home track; not when said rider is on a factory bike and is higher on the Michelin food chain. So, there’s no way Andy really beat Nicky for 4th place—Dorna’s experimenting with mass hypnotism and mind control or something…

3. Laguna Seca. Yeah, yeah, we all know about the ....... Corkscrew... a blind approach, and then it’s like riding off a cliff... blah, blah-blah, blah-blah. What about the rest of the track? Laguna Seca is a piddly-little circuit... not even four kilometres long and with a tiny straight that’s... bent (typical for California, I guess). Without the changes in elevation it would be duller than watching F1 at the Hungaroring or Magny-Cours. And throughout all previous iterations of premier class Grand Prix in sunny So Cal, the most excitement seen previously during races was confined to: Kevin Schwantz trying to pick up his bike with a broken wrist; Nicky taking his Dad for a spin; and the comedy duo of Hayden and Hopkins in Turn 1 last year. No wonder we were all shocked, stunned, amazed and thrilled at the race of the season happening in little old Laguna...

2. Casey Stoner. If they awarded points for dominating practice and taking pole in a cakewalk Stoner would be leading the championship by a country mile. But having done all that you can’t just turn up and expect to be handed the winner’s trophy after 45 minutes of riding in solitude every time—occasionally, other riders might just have the gall to try and race you. When that happens, it’s important to have a Plan B. [Plan A obviously was to go as fast and hard as possible and attempt to lap the entire field... twice.] Please note that Plan B shouldn’t be to try and get to the front as soon as possible (in a series of error-ridden, frustrated/pressure induced mistakes) in order to resume Plan A. You see, Plan B needs a sub-heading: race-craft. You might think the taste of bile in your throat is because of ‘Simoncelli-esque’ racing from #46, Casey, but deep down you know you pissed away a race you should have won.

1. Valentino Rossi. School was in session on July 19th, 2008, and the Doctor gave a lecture. Topics included:

- Defensive riding 101: how to make your bike wider than Kenny Roberts Junior in
silhouette (after a year out of competition).
- Rough-house tactics: how to get in front and stay in front, by blurring the ‘line’ between
desperate and reckless, and by noting that when there are hard passes to be made, ’tis
better to give than to receive...
- Brake-tes—.... er, I mean, Track position on corner entry: how to maximise your ability
to force your opponent to second guess.
- Race for fun: how to manage a race from the front on a slower bike, on a track where
there is no rest, for 25 laps or more, with a faster, younger opponent anxious to seize any
opening... and enjoy it!

There were 18 students on hand for the lecture, but only one cocky little bugger was gifted enough to keep up with the presentation, and even he wilted after about 35 minutes. The class nerd might have been able to follow, but he’d already gone home, sick. As for the rest... one American boy was naughty and needed to be spanked (for swearing at French men) and the others were all sitting at the back of class and couldn’t see (and had no idea) what was going on; one guy even bailed on the lecture just as the overhead projector was warming up.















Everyone tends to keep pretty quiet about it these days, but, yes, the red and white decals on their fairings means that Ducati are getting sacks of cash from the evil Philip Morris Empire...
Hopkins has always been fairly guarded in his assessment of Rossi, because he ‘knows’ he could beat him, if only he had a decent factory ride... like the Ducati offer he turned down in 2006.
Official research has shown that this is in fact the exact number of laps required to acquire ‘real’ track knowledge, and is not some arbitrary number I pulled out of my arse during lunchtime.
The sad thing is that while Stoner might feel entitled to this, Pedrosa actually believes it’s the only way to win...
Throwing a bone to the Spanish readers in the audience!

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Rising Sun @ Jul 25 2008, 04:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Oh, and Sally... be careful of Bikergirl. She says she can be a mean .....; and if a woman says she can be a mean ........ she's probably telling the truth!

As a fellow female, a piece of advice for you here for you Sun. When we say we are, it is not a case of probably

Loved the write up as usual.

^ spot on sally


and sun...i know those [gay orgy] texts were made with me in mind , thanks a lot...you are such a mate

i'm surprised you tamed it a lot for the laguna edition,

Awesome stuff again. Thanx Sun!!

Bring motoGP to the Bathurst track and then the corckscrew will look like a ..... f..cing corner compared to the esses, the dipper and forest elbow and then onto conrod straight that will sieve the .... from the clay, but then again the wingers will always persist no matter what.

Great write up sun as usual...ur a beauty mate!!!

by the way if you dont know what or how the 'bathurst mount panorama circuit' looks like or how it is then here is the link

http://www.bathurstregion.com.au/visitors/...ircuitMapA4.pdf

and i really hope that some day motogp will come to bathurst, but then again everyone will think that it will be suicide 'i hope not'!!! all the aussies will know and understand what im talking about