A Top Ten Guide...
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Hadn't seen these till now Sun! Love them!
I see you lurking. What's up? How you been?
Sun, if ever there was a race in need of your Magic Touch, Jerez was it!
Won't you please bless us unworthy rabble with your Blessed Presence?!
Definately Sun - we need you for this one.
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Hmmm... yes, well... as it happens I do have some free time this weekend. Watch this space, people!
Geonerd
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Hmmm... yes, well... as it happens I do have some free time this weekend. Watch this space, people!
Look, up in the sky!!
A bird?
A plane?!
No, it's Super Sun!
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A Top Ten Guide to Jerez, Spain, 2011
10. Colin Edwards. The ‘Texan Sound Bite’ was forced to watch Hayden mug for the cameras with another trophy that should have had his name on it, when his Tech 3 Yamaha spluttered to a halt at the beginning of the last lap, with a fuel pump-or-engine problem-no, definitely a fuel pump problem, denying our man Col his first podium for over 20 months. I guess Karma is not done with you, ......
9. Toni Elias. I wonder how much Lucio Cecchinello still enjoys being boss of LCR Honda. Good points: the Playboy sponsorship has its obvious perks, and you get to hang out in the GP paddock all the time. Bad points: in return for propping your team up financially, Dorna demands you sign a grid-filling Spanish rider every few years (Elias currently, Checa previously) who will be dog slow, or crash prone, or both. The rain in Spain saved Toni from the pain of a dead last stain—actually letting him sneak into the top ten; he won’t be back there again until Brno/Misano at contract time—but a return to Moto2 or a jump to WSBK looks on the cards—after all, Bautista will need a ride in 2011 if Suzuki take their GP downsizing operation to its logical conclusion.
8. The Keystone Marshals. Spain’s finest did their nation proud during their moment in the sun, er... drizzle at Jerez. In the gravel trap of turn 1, 8 or 9 svelte and not-so-svelte specimens bounded enthusiastically towards the tangle of Repsol Honda and MALBORO Ducati bikes, making a beeline for the glow-in-the-dark custard-vomit-coloured leathers of His Rossifuminess as he struggled out from under his bike, whilst keeping a limpet-like grip on the clutch. Meanwhile, Stoner the mighty—he’s been known to bench press 20kg, if he gets a chocolate bar afterwards—struggled alone to pull his bike off of the MALBORO Ducati that had so terribly wronged him. Rossi, who received pats of encouragement for managing to stand up all by his little self, quickly mounted up and was pushed by his well-wishers back into the fray. But one marshal, unable to reach through the sea of his comrades and feel up Rossi, had belatedly noticed that Stoner needed help. Yet such is the inertia surrounding HRC it takes a lot of force to push them in any direction, and one bedraggled marshal was no match for the big H. Stoner blew a gasket, since the other 6 or 7 men-in-white-ponchos had turned to go, happy in the knowledge that Vale was away. On hearing Casey’s screams, comically, they all rushed as one to Stoner, to see if he, too, wanted some pats on the back; all he wanted was a push start. But Spanish men can only run fast when being chased by a bull, and they soon ran out of puff, dropping off one by one, until only a lone, brave soul was left, huffing Stoner all the way back onto the racing line—alas! for naught—thence into retirement and trackside spectating.
7. Nicky Hayden. If this is what it takes for Tricky Nicky to get on the podium in 2011—a wet race, his team mate taking out the championship favourite, and a further 5 other riders with better pace either crashing/running off track/having bike or tyre issues—then the GP12 had better turn out to be a damn good bike if he wants to spray champers again in his GP career.
6. Valentino Rossi. Disappointing effort that, from Mr 9 times. If only he’d applied himself properly, surely he could’ve found a way to collect Lorenzo as well when he failed to apply the brakes correctly/attempted an overly ambitious pass. Surprisingly, Vale’s little mistake generated a lot of press, but there wasn’t really anything to it—we’ve seen this thing kind of thing happen before: some guy from back on the fourth row, on normally uncompetitive machinery tries to be a hero in the wet, riding above himself and/or the bike, crashes and takes out a contender. Close your eyes, and it’s easy to imagine the sticker on the bike said Cagiva, Kawasaki, or Suzuki instead of Ducati + #46. But the pièce de résistance took place following the end of the race. After an apology dripping with sincerity and with entirely too much awareness of the horde of media watching, Rossi joked that Stoner’s comments implied he didn’t know who he was talking to. No ...., Sherlock! If you hadn’t gone to the Repsol pits wearing race leathers, helmet and gloves—Stoner possibly thought it was Uccio playing dress ups—and looked him square in the eye when you apologised, maybe a mountain would not have been made out of this molehill.
5. Ben Spies. Having managed three narrow championship victories over Mladin (who couldn’t cut it in grand prix racing a decade previously) in the Yoshimura Cup in America (a.k.a. the AMA), and then defeated a bunch of Grand Prix rejects and cast-offs in taking a WSBK title, ....-for-a-name hasn’t exactly set the world on fire during his time in MotoGP. Sure, he ground his way to Rookie of the Year in 2010 with a podium here and a pole position there, and most likely will grind his way to a win or two in 2011 and a top five points finish, but whatever happened to the fine tradition of Roberts, Spencer, Lawson & co? Americans used to dominate this sport—an ironic achievement, since no one in their country really gives two ..... about grand prix racing. As Edwards clanged to a halt, Hayden durdled around aimlessly, and ...... Spies slid off in sight of the chequered flag it’s clearly going to be a long time before we get sick of hearing ‘The Star Spangled Banner’ again.
4. Marco Simoncelli. To see the Hair Bear Bunch running up at the front in a wet race was no great shock; his maiden 125cc win was achieved at Jerez in similar conditions in 2004, and he always excelled in the wet during his 250cc days. But, having waited 11 laps for Dovizioso or someone Spanish to crash into/run off track, Marco could wait no more and took himself out with a highside-tank slapper-highside combo that Wayne Gardner would’ve been proud of. The trackside marshals—all relatives of Bautista and Barbera—were laughing too much to offer any assistance.
3. Casey Stoner. I thought ambition bites the nail of success, but the angry little Alfred E Neuman lookalike certainly knows about ambition exceeding talent. Following on from his histrionics with marshals and the trackside-nice-one, ......-clapping of the human bowling ball, Valentino Rossi, in the Repsol pits following the race, Stoner was grinning like a man in a state of post coital bliss, insufferably smug at holding the moral high ground, and wicked chuffed at the ‘brilliant’ witticisms—which he’d spent the intervening 30 minutes thinking up—that he was about to deliver. Given the floating bone (was it a piece of your brain?) in his wrist in 2008, that only hurt when he didn’t win, and the parc ferme post-race collapses in 2009 brought on by a glass of milk before bedtime, that prompted a 3 race fishing trip and a subsequent tirade directed at Kevin Schwantz, it was quite a bold move from Stoner to ‘worry’ about poor Vale’s shoulder. ‘Ambition outweighing talent’ might get a few knowing chuckles in club racing circles back in Australia, but Rossi could’ve replied: ‘How’s Sete’s collarbone?’ And then Stoner could’ve added: ‘My ankle is fine, and foot-peg free, thanks,’ or, ‘Did you think I was Randy de Puniet?’ and so on… Neither came out of this debacle well, and Stoner wouldn’t want to have another DNF at Estoril, descending red mist induced, or otherwise.
2. Dani Pedrosa. When Pedrosa crossed the line in second, quite a distance behind Lorenzo, Alberto Puig went wild on the pit wall with lots of emotional fist pumping. It’s funny how things can change in a year; twelve months ago, Pedrosa also finished second to Lorenzo, but there were no great fisting celebrations in the pits for #26 on that day. Despite being intermittently-injured, Pedrosa (isn’t it interesting how all these injuries to riders only cause a problem some of the time) is sitting in second place in the championship—a dream come true for Alberto, since Dani’s recently operated-on shoulder will have a full month to heal, following the postponement of the Japanese GP, and, more importantly, his rival-for-HRC’s-loving-affection Stoner is back in third, 11 points behind.
1. Jorge Lorenzo. The new King of MotoGP (I read it somewhere, so it must be true) was a man of conflicting emotions after the race. A win and a second from the opening two races, events that he no doubt feared would be dominated by all the factory Hondas; 9 points ahead of his perennially-injured rival, Pedrosa; 20 points ahead of the favourite for the championship, Stoner; comfortably #1 in the factory Yamaha team; and, his former teammate struggling along, already 26 points behind… life looks pretty good in Lorenzo land. Or does it? Rossi and Stoner are hogging all the headlines that should rightfully be his; people with agendas are always trying to diminish his championship; despite being a weedy little runt, Pedrosa is still more popular than Lorenzo in Spain; and, his post-race celebration, in which he planned to jump over the lake, rather than jump in it, failed rather pathetically when he slipped and fell unceremoniously onto his arse into the water—but at least he didn’t almost drown this year. Nonetheless, Lorenzo is planning on turning this negativity and lack of attention completely around at Estoril; he’s quite cunning, you know. First up, he’s going for four-in-a-row at one of his favourite tracks. I hear that he’ll revert to his dazzling look-at-me, look-at me gold boots and gloves for race day, wear his spaceman’s helmet, and perform his ever popular moonwalk when he goes to claim Estoril for Lorenzo land for the umpteenth time. That ought to sell a few more copies of his latest opus, ‘The greatest story ever told: the story of my life.’
10. Colin Edwards. The ‘Texan Sound Bite’ was forced to watch Hayden mug for the cameras with another trophy that should have had his name on it, when his Tech 3 Yamaha spluttered to a halt at the beginning of the last lap, with a fuel pump-or-engine problem-no, definitely a fuel pump problem, denying our man Col his first podium for over 20 months. I guess Karma is not done with you, ......
9. Toni Elias. I wonder how much Lucio Cecchinello still enjoys being boss of LCR Honda. Good points: the Playboy sponsorship has its obvious perks, and you get to hang out in the GP paddock all the time. Bad points: in return for propping your team up financially, Dorna demands you sign a grid-filling Spanish rider every few years (Elias currently, Checa previously) who will be dog slow, or crash prone, or both. The rain in Spain saved Toni from the pain of a dead last stain—actually letting him sneak into the top ten; he won’t be back there again until Brno/Misano at contract time—but a return to Moto2 or a jump to WSBK looks on the cards—after all, Bautista will need a ride in 2011 if Suzuki take their GP downsizing operation to its logical conclusion.
8. The Keystone Marshals. Spain’s finest did their nation proud during their moment in the sun, er... drizzle at Jerez. In the gravel trap of turn 1, 8 or 9 svelte and not-so-svelte specimens bounded enthusiastically towards the tangle of Repsol Honda and MALBORO Ducati bikes, making a beeline for the glow-in-the-dark custard-vomit-coloured leathers of His Rossifuminess as he struggled out from under his bike, whilst keeping a limpet-like grip on the clutch. Meanwhile, Stoner the mighty—he’s been known to bench press 20kg, if he gets a chocolate bar afterwards—struggled alone to pull his bike off of the MALBORO Ducati that had so terribly wronged him. Rossi, who received pats of encouragement for managing to stand up all by his little self, quickly mounted up and was pushed by his well-wishers back into the fray. But one marshal, unable to reach through the sea of his comrades and feel up Rossi, had belatedly noticed that Stoner needed help. Yet such is the inertia surrounding HRC it takes a lot of force to push them in any direction, and one bedraggled marshal was no match for the big H. Stoner blew a gasket, since the other 6 or 7 men-in-white-ponchos had turned to go, happy in the knowledge that Vale was away. On hearing Casey’s screams, comically, they all rushed as one to Stoner, to see if he, too, wanted some pats on the back; all he wanted was a push start. But Spanish men can only run fast when being chased by a bull, and they soon ran out of puff, dropping off one by one, until only a lone, brave soul was left, huffing Stoner all the way back onto the racing line—alas! for naught—thence into retirement and trackside spectating.
7. Nicky Hayden. If this is what it takes for Tricky Nicky to get on the podium in 2011—a wet race, his team mate taking out the championship favourite, and a further 5 other riders with better pace either crashing/running off track/having bike or tyre issues—then the GP12 had better turn out to be a damn good bike if he wants to spray champers again in his GP career.
6. Valentino Rossi. Disappointing effort that, from Mr 9 times. If only he’d applied himself properly, surely he could’ve found a way to collect Lorenzo as well when he failed to apply the brakes correctly/attempted an overly ambitious pass. Surprisingly, Vale’s little mistake generated a lot of press, but there wasn’t really anything to it—we’ve seen this thing kind of thing happen before: some guy from back on the fourth row, on normally uncompetitive machinery tries to be a hero in the wet, riding above himself and/or the bike, crashes and takes out a contender. Close your eyes, and it’s easy to imagine the sticker on the bike said Cagiva, Kawasaki, or Suzuki instead of Ducati + #46. But the pièce de résistance took place following the end of the race. After an apology dripping with sincerity and with entirely too much awareness of the horde of media watching, Rossi joked that Stoner’s comments implied he didn’t know who he was talking to. No ...., Sherlock! If you hadn’t gone to the Repsol pits wearing race leathers, helmet and gloves—Stoner possibly thought it was Uccio playing dress ups—and looked him square in the eye when you apologised, maybe a mountain would not have been made out of this molehill.
5. Ben Spies. Having managed three narrow championship victories over Mladin (who couldn’t cut it in grand prix racing a decade previously) in the Yoshimura Cup in America (a.k.a. the AMA), and then defeated a bunch of Grand Prix rejects and cast-offs in taking a WSBK title, ....-for-a-name hasn’t exactly set the world on fire during his time in MotoGP. Sure, he ground his way to Rookie of the Year in 2010 with a podium here and a pole position there, and most likely will grind his way to a win or two in 2011 and a top five points finish, but whatever happened to the fine tradition of Roberts, Spencer, Lawson & co? Americans used to dominate this sport—an ironic achievement, since no one in their country really gives two ..... about grand prix racing. As Edwards clanged to a halt, Hayden durdled around aimlessly, and ...... Spies slid off in sight of the chequered flag it’s clearly going to be a long time before we get sick of hearing ‘The Star Spangled Banner’ again.
4. Marco Simoncelli. To see the Hair Bear Bunch running up at the front in a wet race was no great shock; his maiden 125cc win was achieved at Jerez in similar conditions in 2004, and he always excelled in the wet during his 250cc days. But, having waited 11 laps for Dovizioso or someone Spanish to crash into/run off track, Marco could wait no more and took himself out with a highside-tank slapper-highside combo that Wayne Gardner would’ve been proud of. The trackside marshals—all relatives of Bautista and Barbera—were laughing too much to offer any assistance.
3. Casey Stoner. I thought ambition bites the nail of success, but the angry little Alfred E Neuman lookalike certainly knows about ambition exceeding talent. Following on from his histrionics with marshals and the trackside-nice-one, ......-clapping of the human bowling ball, Valentino Rossi, in the Repsol pits following the race, Stoner was grinning like a man in a state of post coital bliss, insufferably smug at holding the moral high ground, and wicked chuffed at the ‘brilliant’ witticisms—which he’d spent the intervening 30 minutes thinking up—that he was about to deliver. Given the floating bone (was it a piece of your brain?) in his wrist in 2008, that only hurt when he didn’t win, and the parc ferme post-race collapses in 2009 brought on by a glass of milk before bedtime, that prompted a 3 race fishing trip and a subsequent tirade directed at Kevin Schwantz, it was quite a bold move from Stoner to ‘worry’ about poor Vale’s shoulder. ‘Ambition outweighing talent’ might get a few knowing chuckles in club racing circles back in Australia, but Rossi could’ve replied: ‘How’s Sete’s collarbone?’ And then Stoner could’ve added: ‘My ankle is fine, and foot-peg free, thanks,’ or, ‘Did you think I was Randy de Puniet?’ and so on… Neither came out of this debacle well, and Stoner wouldn’t want to have another DNF at Estoril, descending red mist induced, or otherwise.
2. Dani Pedrosa. When Pedrosa crossed the line in second, quite a distance behind Lorenzo, Alberto Puig went wild on the pit wall with lots of emotional fist pumping. It’s funny how things can change in a year; twelve months ago, Pedrosa also finished second to Lorenzo, but there were no great fisting celebrations in the pits for #26 on that day. Despite being intermittently-injured, Pedrosa (isn’t it interesting how all these injuries to riders only cause a problem some of the time) is sitting in second place in the championship—a dream come true for Alberto, since Dani’s recently operated-on shoulder will have a full month to heal, following the postponement of the Japanese GP, and, more importantly, his rival-for-HRC’s-loving-affection Stoner is back in third, 11 points behind.
1. Jorge Lorenzo. The new King of MotoGP (I read it somewhere, so it must be true) was a man of conflicting emotions after the race. A win and a second from the opening two races, events that he no doubt feared would be dominated by all the factory Hondas; 9 points ahead of his perennially-injured rival, Pedrosa; 20 points ahead of the favourite for the championship, Stoner; comfortably #1 in the factory Yamaha team; and, his former teammate struggling along, already 26 points behind… life looks pretty good in Lorenzo land. Or does it? Rossi and Stoner are hogging all the headlines that should rightfully be his; people with agendas are always trying to diminish his championship; despite being a weedy little runt, Pedrosa is still more popular than Lorenzo in Spain; and, his post-race celebration, in which he planned to jump over the lake, rather than jump in it, failed rather pathetically when he slipped and fell unceremoniously onto his arse into the water—but at least he didn’t almost drown this year. Nonetheless, Lorenzo is planning on turning this negativity and lack of attention completely around at Estoril; he’s quite cunning, you know. First up, he’s going for four-in-a-row at one of his favourite tracks. I hear that he’ll revert to his dazzling look-at-me, look-at me gold boots and gloves for race day, wear his spaceman’s helmet, and perform his ever popular moonwalk when he goes to claim Estoril for Lorenzo land for the umpteenth time. That ought to sell a few more copies of his latest opus, ‘The greatest story ever told: the story of my life.’
Acerbic and brilliant as usual, as well as even-handed.
Perhaps a bit tough on spies.
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Great work Sun.
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Equal opportunity offender. Brillant!!!
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As always, thanks for the compliments guys. This is turning out to be a great season; I hope I'll get time to write a few more before the end of it...
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My god you're good !!!!
Piss funny, acurate......and I can't wait for more !
Thank you.
Piss funny, acurate......and I can't wait for more !
Thank you.
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Our own Moliere of MotoGP!!!!
somedamnwriter
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cheers sun!
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