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MotoGP Race Report, Valencia
Stoner stoned
(26/10/2008)
The phone call came in the middle of the night. At least I thought it was the night. But it wasn’t. It was 7:30am in the morning on Sunday 19th October and despite three cups of coffee, I was slumped, unconscious in my comfy chair. It was Stuey.
”I can’t take much more of this, Gareth. You have to help me. It was sooo dull. It was like a film by Al ...., or a BBC period drama. I can’t write about MotoGP anymore you will have to do it for Valencia. I’ll do anything.”
”Anything? Ok – you do the 250s and I’ll do the MotoGP.” What was I letting myself in to? After being a scribe for these hallowed pages for many years, I’ve smiled to myself dipping in and out of the MotoGP races wondering how I can describe Beaker or Bautista. Now I was faced with the real possibility of having to watch and report and not fall asleep in front of the MotoGP masters.
Was I hopeful? Well, qualifying and the lovely (we used to hate him, but now think he’s a good sort) Haystacks who did all the running up the front. How we all cheered with the thought that he was going to shove that Honda right up Pedrosa’s widened orifice.
Hayden, who is looking forward to wrecking his career with the Marlboro mafia next year, and was looking forward to getting his gene pool to have all three thumbs and two index fingers, just missed out on putting one over the Repsol reeker and lined up third. Danni, as called by his friends, was in second place.
I used to like Pedrosa, I really did. But man, after turning his back on his tyre company and being and acting like Albert ‘Funny Bit On Lip’ Puig’s sultry glove puppet he’s lost his only Brit fan. Will the Tiny ... make it three Donkey wins in a row? Possibly.
Pole position though went to weak-wristed Stoner. Moaning about the rain, the fact that it’s October and Christmas decorations are being put up in BHS and Littlewoods, he nabbed number one.
But hang-on, where was our pin up and World Champion? Well, Rossi, who made Uccio nervous last week by replacing his old dog 15 seconds after losing it with a younger, firmer model, was down in 10th place. He called his bike unrideable. Funny. We all saw him riding it. The Valencian curse struck the gangly champion once again.
Anyone else interesting about? Well Lorenzo, that modest skin head decided that he’d paint his bike in the flags of all the races he’d won at.
The team had painted his fairing in lead paint. But, Lorenzo, the nutty Chuppa Chupp he is started to feel ill as he secretly licks his bike in the evenings when everyone’s gone home, to ‘bond’ with his machine.
The lead was getting him down and he was just straight infront of Rossi in 7th place. I was expecting a good race. I had visions of Haystacks hitting both Pedrosa and Stoner, Rossi coming through and Lorenzo taking the win from Dozy, Pedrosa and Rossi by 0.00000045 of a second I was hopeful.
But in the end, we didn’t get much. Stoner led from lap 1 and won. Pedrosa was second and second. Rossi came through to finish third. Marco, incredibly did something and started to push through the pack, but finished in 16th in the end after missing a gear. What else can we write about to make the chuckle? Well, I discovered that all of these MotoGP riders are obsessed with Facebook. And update their profiles straight after all of their sessions. So at 4pm, I became friends with them all to show you all what sort of people they are:
Casey Stoner is wrist hurts
Danni Pedrosa is looking forward to a holiday without his dad in tow
Valentino Rossi is trying to find the number for female dates direct for tonight
Andrea Dovizioso is looking forward to flicking Danni in the eye tomorrow
Nicky Hayden is now wearing red ;-)
Colin Edwards is relieved that he’s got another year with the minimum effort
Shinya Nakano is looking for a new job. Sushi cutter would do
Jorge Lorenzo is sad ☹
Loris Capirossi is set your status here (he’s too old to figure this all out)
Alex DeAngelis is flaming!!
James Toseland is wishing Suzi Perry would leave him alone
Slyvain Guintolii is not looking forward to a paycut and the British weather
Chris Vermulen’s mole hurts
John Hopkins is hungover
Randy DePuniet is shocked he didn’t crash
Marco Melandri thinks 16th place is dignified
Anthony West is peeved
Toni Elias gfsgasfghjadflhjdlh (Toni hasn’t figured out a computer yet)
So there you have it. The season’s over. We’ve had highs and we’ve had lows. We’ve had Dozy’s hats, Hayden being everyone’s fav and Rossi winning.
We’ve had Stoner being booed and Toseland being cheered. But we’ve also had Edwards poking his tounge out everytime he’s on camera and wobbling about in 5th place and Rossi winning.
The more that changes, the more stays the same. Next year, we’ve got control tyres and Gibbers. We’ve got Kallio and Canepe on their Ducatis and Marco ‘Career Rebuilding’ Melandri on the Kawasaki.
Who knows what will happen? Perhaps, once, it’ll be interesting.
MotoGP Race Report, Valencia
Stoner stoned
(26/10/2008)
The phone call came in the middle of the night. At least I thought it was the night. But it wasn’t. It was 7:30am in the morning on Sunday 19th October and despite three cups of coffee, I was slumped, unconscious in my comfy chair. It was Stuey.
”I can’t take much more of this, Gareth. You have to help me. It was sooo dull. It was like a film by Al ...., or a BBC period drama. I can’t write about MotoGP anymore you will have to do it for Valencia. I’ll do anything.”
”Anything? Ok – you do the 250s and I’ll do the MotoGP.” What was I letting myself in to? After being a scribe for these hallowed pages for many years, I’ve smiled to myself dipping in and out of the MotoGP races wondering how I can describe Beaker or Bautista. Now I was faced with the real possibility of having to watch and report and not fall asleep in front of the MotoGP masters.
Was I hopeful? Well, qualifying and the lovely (we used to hate him, but now think he’s a good sort) Haystacks who did all the running up the front. How we all cheered with the thought that he was going to shove that Honda right up Pedrosa’s widened orifice.
Hayden, who is looking forward to wrecking his career with the Marlboro mafia next year, and was looking forward to getting his gene pool to have all three thumbs and two index fingers, just missed out on putting one over the Repsol reeker and lined up third. Danni, as called by his friends, was in second place.
I used to like Pedrosa, I really did. But man, after turning his back on his tyre company and being and acting like Albert ‘Funny Bit On Lip’ Puig’s sultry glove puppet he’s lost his only Brit fan. Will the Tiny ... make it three Donkey wins in a row? Possibly.
Pole position though went to weak-wristed Stoner. Moaning about the rain, the fact that it’s October and Christmas decorations are being put up in BHS and Littlewoods, he nabbed number one.
But hang-on, where was our pin up and World Champion? Well, Rossi, who made Uccio nervous last week by replacing his old dog 15 seconds after losing it with a younger, firmer model, was down in 10th place. He called his bike unrideable. Funny. We all saw him riding it. The Valencian curse struck the gangly champion once again.
Anyone else interesting about? Well Lorenzo, that modest skin head decided that he’d paint his bike in the flags of all the races he’d won at.
The team had painted his fairing in lead paint. But, Lorenzo, the nutty Chuppa Chupp he is started to feel ill as he secretly licks his bike in the evenings when everyone’s gone home, to ‘bond’ with his machine.
The lead was getting him down and he was just straight infront of Rossi in 7th place. I was expecting a good race. I had visions of Haystacks hitting both Pedrosa and Stoner, Rossi coming through and Lorenzo taking the win from Dozy, Pedrosa and Rossi by 0.00000045 of a second I was hopeful.
But in the end, we didn’t get much. Stoner led from lap 1 and won. Pedrosa was second and second. Rossi came through to finish third. Marco, incredibly did something and started to push through the pack, but finished in 16th in the end after missing a gear. What else can we write about to make the chuckle? Well, I discovered that all of these MotoGP riders are obsessed with Facebook. And update their profiles straight after all of their sessions. So at 4pm, I became friends with them all to show you all what sort of people they are:
Casey Stoner is wrist hurts
Danni Pedrosa is looking forward to a holiday without his dad in tow
Valentino Rossi is trying to find the number for female dates direct for tonight
Andrea Dovizioso is looking forward to flicking Danni in the eye tomorrow
Nicky Hayden is now wearing red ;-)
Colin Edwards is relieved that he’s got another year with the minimum effort
Shinya Nakano is looking for a new job. Sushi cutter would do
Jorge Lorenzo is sad ☹
Loris Capirossi is set your status here (he’s too old to figure this all out)
Alex DeAngelis is flaming!!
James Toseland is wishing Suzi Perry would leave him alone
Slyvain Guintolii is not looking forward to a paycut and the British weather
Chris Vermulen’s mole hurts
John Hopkins is hungover
Randy DePuniet is shocked he didn’t crash
Marco Melandri thinks 16th place is dignified
Anthony West is peeved
Toni Elias gfsgasfghjadflhjdlh (Toni hasn’t figured out a computer yet)
So there you have it. The season’s over. We’ve had highs and we’ve had lows. We’ve had Dozy’s hats, Hayden being everyone’s fav and Rossi winning.
We’ve had Stoner being booed and Toseland being cheered. But we’ve also had Edwards poking his tounge out everytime he’s on camera and wobbling about in 5th place and Rossi winning.
The more that changes, the more stays the same. Next year, we’ve got control tyres and Gibbers. We’ve got Kallio and Canepe on their Ducatis and Marco ‘Career Rebuilding’ Melandri on the Kawasaki.
Who knows what will happen? Perhaps, once, it’ll be interesting.
