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When Chris Vermeulen went to bed on Saturday night things weren't looking too good. He'd had a rotten day qualifying - he'd finished 14th which was second to last if you wisely didn't include Anthony 'going' West and Marco Melandri. Worse still was that his team-mate, Loris Capirossi, had unqualified him and the dwarven Italian was, like KR Senior's Ford Escort, very old and very broken.
As he sat in his motorhome bed munching on his imported flash-grilled shrimps his two eyes and one mole turned to face the table. Lying there, next to his copy of 'What Chazlewoz', was the letter of interest from a top World Superbike team. It was typed out on thick paper - not like the chic MotoGP letter paper that's thin and watermarked - this paper was solid. There were also two sheets with some support papers between.
For Chris MotoGP had not lived up to the promise. These riders were faster and the competition harder. No wonder, he contemplated, that Foggy never made the move. Better to be a big fish in a small pond and then tell everyone that you'd have also had been big in a big pond than actually try to prove it. 'Yes' thought Chris 'I'm outta here'.
But things were about to change. On Sunday morning when Vermin was awoken by his 'once a jolly a swagman' alarm clock he sat up, opened the curtains and saw it was raining…and raining hard. The only sun shining that morning was from his heart.
Like it or not Australians riders seem to go well in the wet. Why? Well some say it's an inbred thing that goes back to the fond memories of their criminal forefathers being shipped off to 'the island' and leaving the dull, grey skies of the UK forever. But the real reason is probably far more medical.
'Water babies' are the poncy concept of mothers giving birth in swimming pools - only so they can then say 'I had a water birth'. Well down under a variant of this birth has been the norm for as long as their bad haircut heritage. The Australian version is for the mother to 'drop the new 'un' into a barrel of beer' to help it adapt to its new environment and avoid the dreaded 'Australian bends' later in life. It's a birth method that's not without its dangers though - especially if the birth is delayed and the nominated father consumes the beer leaving young Bruce to bang his mullet on the bottom of the barrel on re-entry.
So this may be the real reason why the Aussies are brilliant riders in the wet. Even Anthony West, a rider strongly associated with being Melandri's riding buddy, can suddenly chirp up in the top ten once the rain falls.
However the biggest improver in the wet must be Chris 'vermin' Vermeulen. As soon as God urinates on a circuit the 'usually confined to lower edge of the mid-field' rider is like an Aussie at a salad-free barbeque and springs into life. He claims he doesn't like riding in the wet…but then does he like not being noticed? A wet podium visit is better than a dry visit to nowhere.
That folks is 534 words without mentioning the race. Gripping stuff.
Today Vermin would finish a strong third as the Krauten rain soaked up the pain and ended his and Suzuki's drought.
You'd think it would be funny when it rained in Germany. A soggy Kraut is a funny Kraut? Sadly it doesn't happen as for the Germans, with their overly structured lives, rain is just something that happens. Their laser-precision Audi engineered umbrellas mean they never get a single warmongering drop of water on their humourless skin - there's none of the shambolic 'blowing inside out' and 'broken struts finger entrapment' for these people. Then when the day is over they return to their leak free automobile that starts first time and doesn't cough and splutter thanks to dampness on the HT leads.
So we can't really laugh at the German's in the rain - so their haircut's it is then.
Onto the race and it was Casey Stoner who was unstoppable again with Rossi coming second in an 'almost unstoppable' role.
But let's talk about Dani 'Thumbelina' Pedrosa. The three most commonly used adjectives for the sour-faced Spaniard's riding are "unexciting", "consistent" and "crap in the wet". But Dani was about to blow all three completely out of the water. All we then would need is an Australian with a literature qualification and the parallel universe would be complete.
From the off Pedrosa was away and flying like there were hormone tablets on offer. Not even Stoner in second had answer to Pedrosa's squeaky-voiced question as he put one and half seconds on everyone each lap. With 'crap in the wet' crossed off the list Thumbelina then showed everyone on lap five that he could be both 'exciting' and 'inconsistent' with one 160mph crash.
The crowd gasped at the excitement. Then they gasped again at the fact it was Pedrosa who's excited them. The double gasp resulted in many requiring oxygen - and many more an explanation.
The crash ruined his bike and his hand. Laguna is now in doubt. Hopefully Thumbelina will make a fast recovery as like him or loathe him he is an outstanding rider who is probably only one of two who can now keep pace with Stoner.
Unaccredited ride of the day probably came from the gay-pride hero Alex de Angelis. Having being criticised earlier by his manager for being hot-headed the hot-headed youngster used the rain to keep cool keeping pace with Vermin all race (< try saying that when drunk). It was a show of real pace and skill that left him as the top Honda finisher.
Losers
Having burst onto the scene at Qatar suddenly James Toseland's season is bursting. With no wet weather testing time the simple Yorkshireman found the tricky conditions too tricky and faded away faster than his season. No interview for Burnett then.
But that was nothing compared to the horrors that Nicky Hayden had. Like the time he dreamt he'd married someone from outside of his family the Kentuckian was to have a real nightmare. But you can't help thinking that someone's got it in for him. Maybe Honda? Or Puig? Or maybe the devil after he sold him his soul in exchange for the 2005 championship? Last time in Assen he ran out of fuel 50 metres from the line after his bike mysteriously malfunctioned. This time his rear race tyre was replaced with one that was once used for a tyre swing for Garry McCoy. The result was a trip to Ellisonland by the first corner followed by a race ruining pit stop.
Finally spare a thought, although not a big thought, for Marco Melandri. Having had his 2009 Ducati contract annulled this weekend he was then advised to 'up his game' to keep his ride from the smug wolf Gibernau for the rest of the season. Having qualified last things looked consistent for the race...and they were until suddenly he posted the fastest lap. Honestly. Thankfully a balance was restored as his balance was lost causing the Italian to crash out.
So there we have it. On a twisty circuit in the wet Stoner still won. "It's the Ducati power" the Rossi fans shout. He's now 20 points from the championship lead meaning that at worst in four rounds time he'll be leading it.
When Chris Vermeulen went to bed on Saturday night things weren't looking too good. He'd had a rotten day qualifying - he'd finished 14th which was second to last if you wisely didn't include Anthony 'going' West and Marco Melandri. Worse still was that his team-mate, Loris Capirossi, had unqualified him and the dwarven Italian was, like KR Senior's Ford Escort, very old and very broken.
As he sat in his motorhome bed munching on his imported flash-grilled shrimps his two eyes and one mole turned to face the table. Lying there, next to his copy of 'What Chazlewoz', was the letter of interest from a top World Superbike team. It was typed out on thick paper - not like the chic MotoGP letter paper that's thin and watermarked - this paper was solid. There were also two sheets with some support papers between.
For Chris MotoGP had not lived up to the promise. These riders were faster and the competition harder. No wonder, he contemplated, that Foggy never made the move. Better to be a big fish in a small pond and then tell everyone that you'd have also had been big in a big pond than actually try to prove it. 'Yes' thought Chris 'I'm outta here'.
But things were about to change. On Sunday morning when Vermin was awoken by his 'once a jolly a swagman' alarm clock he sat up, opened the curtains and saw it was raining…and raining hard. The only sun shining that morning was from his heart.
Like it or not Australians riders seem to go well in the wet. Why? Well some say it's an inbred thing that goes back to the fond memories of their criminal forefathers being shipped off to 'the island' and leaving the dull, grey skies of the UK forever. But the real reason is probably far more medical.
'Water babies' are the poncy concept of mothers giving birth in swimming pools - only so they can then say 'I had a water birth'. Well down under a variant of this birth has been the norm for as long as their bad haircut heritage. The Australian version is for the mother to 'drop the new 'un' into a barrel of beer' to help it adapt to its new environment and avoid the dreaded 'Australian bends' later in life. It's a birth method that's not without its dangers though - especially if the birth is delayed and the nominated father consumes the beer leaving young Bruce to bang his mullet on the bottom of the barrel on re-entry.
So this may be the real reason why the Aussies are brilliant riders in the wet. Even Anthony West, a rider strongly associated with being Melandri's riding buddy, can suddenly chirp up in the top ten once the rain falls.
However the biggest improver in the wet must be Chris 'vermin' Vermeulen. As soon as God urinates on a circuit the 'usually confined to lower edge of the mid-field' rider is like an Aussie at a salad-free barbeque and springs into life. He claims he doesn't like riding in the wet…but then does he like not being noticed? A wet podium visit is better than a dry visit to nowhere.
That folks is 534 words without mentioning the race. Gripping stuff.
Today Vermin would finish a strong third as the Krauten rain soaked up the pain and ended his and Suzuki's drought.
You'd think it would be funny when it rained in Germany. A soggy Kraut is a funny Kraut? Sadly it doesn't happen as for the Germans, with their overly structured lives, rain is just something that happens. Their laser-precision Audi engineered umbrellas mean they never get a single warmongering drop of water on their humourless skin - there's none of the shambolic 'blowing inside out' and 'broken struts finger entrapment' for these people. Then when the day is over they return to their leak free automobile that starts first time and doesn't cough and splutter thanks to dampness on the HT leads.
So we can't really laugh at the German's in the rain - so their haircut's it is then.
Onto the race and it was Casey Stoner who was unstoppable again with Rossi coming second in an 'almost unstoppable' role.
But let's talk about Dani 'Thumbelina' Pedrosa. The three most commonly used adjectives for the sour-faced Spaniard's riding are "unexciting", "consistent" and "crap in the wet". But Dani was about to blow all three completely out of the water. All we then would need is an Australian with a literature qualification and the parallel universe would be complete.
From the off Pedrosa was away and flying like there were hormone tablets on offer. Not even Stoner in second had answer to Pedrosa's squeaky-voiced question as he put one and half seconds on everyone each lap. With 'crap in the wet' crossed off the list Thumbelina then showed everyone on lap five that he could be both 'exciting' and 'inconsistent' with one 160mph crash.
The crowd gasped at the excitement. Then they gasped again at the fact it was Pedrosa who's excited them. The double gasp resulted in many requiring oxygen - and many more an explanation.
The crash ruined his bike and his hand. Laguna is now in doubt. Hopefully Thumbelina will make a fast recovery as like him or loathe him he is an outstanding rider who is probably only one of two who can now keep pace with Stoner.
Unaccredited ride of the day probably came from the gay-pride hero Alex de Angelis. Having being criticised earlier by his manager for being hot-headed the hot-headed youngster used the rain to keep cool keeping pace with Vermin all race (< try saying that when drunk). It was a show of real pace and skill that left him as the top Honda finisher.
Losers
Having burst onto the scene at Qatar suddenly James Toseland's season is bursting. With no wet weather testing time the simple Yorkshireman found the tricky conditions too tricky and faded away faster than his season. No interview for Burnett then.
But that was nothing compared to the horrors that Nicky Hayden had. Like the time he dreamt he'd married someone from outside of his family the Kentuckian was to have a real nightmare. But you can't help thinking that someone's got it in for him. Maybe Honda? Or Puig? Or maybe the devil after he sold him his soul in exchange for the 2005 championship? Last time in Assen he ran out of fuel 50 metres from the line after his bike mysteriously malfunctioned. This time his rear race tyre was replaced with one that was once used for a tyre swing for Garry McCoy. The result was a trip to Ellisonland by the first corner followed by a race ruining pit stop.
Finally spare a thought, although not a big thought, for Marco Melandri. Having had his 2009 Ducati contract annulled this weekend he was then advised to 'up his game' to keep his ride from the smug wolf Gibernau for the rest of the season. Having qualified last things looked consistent for the race...and they were until suddenly he posted the fastest lap. Honestly. Thankfully a balance was restored as his balance was lost causing the Italian to crash out.
So there we have it. On a twisty circuit in the wet Stoner still won. "It's the Ducati power" the Rossi fans shout. He's now 20 points from the championship lead meaning that at worst in four rounds time he'll be leading it.
