I have some .... called Barretts oesophagus - meaning that I manufacture a veritable vat of acid reflux to order in my gut which is permanently intruding as far as my ......' throat. I
,,,
during my life I've ingested practically every recreational drug synthesised by man, I forget to take that morning the one tablet that is legitimately prescribed to me on the NHS
...Tecates, almost a quarter of a bottle of rum, a stack of Bud, and several bottles of Blue Moon, not to mention devouring half a tray of Tommy's burgers and then wonder why at two thirty in the next morning I'm writhing around like a floundering fish out of water. It was no use - I needed instant relief. I clambered down from my bunk, and promptly trod on Jumkies head - (who has selflessly made a bed for himself on the RV floor - I kid you not, while all of us were on the benches and the bunks, that guy silently crashed on the floor of his own van), I then proceeded to rummage and forage for some Rennie - which is basically instant relief in a tablet of chalk. 'Dude turn the ......' light on' called Jum - and in my confused state, blinded by the dark and 'rummified' inebriated incompetence, I blindly staggered around searching for the elusive switch and managed to .... up the air con in the process. Apparently it was on the ceiling and not the wall. The other occupants of the RV were impervious to my ineptitude, and having located my bag and ingested half a ton of calcium carbonate, I was able somehow to haul myself back into my bunk and douse the gastric inferno.
Had I remembered the altercation in the hotel car park, I would have no doubt had a vision of some shambling monstrous taxi driving freak awaiting with a chain saw to decapitate them both and gorge on the R6 for breakfast. I've no doubt he'd probably ate his taxi overnight - I've read about people eating entire vehicles in the Guinness Book of Records as a kid.