- Joined
- Oct 20, 2006
- Messages
- 445
- Location
- Adelaide, Australia
[I'm just trying out something here; if it works I might inflict one of these on you all after every race.
]
[Or it might just die a sad and unlamented death
]
Round One
The Top Ten Reasons Why Rossi Didn't Win In Qatar:
10. Colin Edwards. The "Texas pre-season bluster" has a new pity clause in his contract, which states that "His Rossifuminess shalt not finish more than 4 places higher than I in 2007."
9. His bike is crap; you know, the one that won a shiny BMW just a couple of weeks beforehand.
8. He thought that it was Gibernau riding that Ducati. "Is ok, no problem. He is fast, but always make little mistake. So I beat him again for sure." And there was that whole curse thing, too.
7. Stoner coats his leathers liberally with Vegemite. Sensitive Latin-type that he is, Rossi's eyes were watering from the strong odour instantly recognisable as the world's greatest breakfast condiment, and that made it impossible for him to stay in Stoner's draft. He could only get close on the slow corners, where there was no wind.
6. His bike is a steaming pile of .....; you know, the one that dominated preseason testing, and led Colin "the Texas Nostradamus" Edwards to predict: "I don't see any reason why Valentino and I can't finish 1 and 2 this year."
5. He knew it would piss Pedrosa off to see Stoner get a win.
4. He'd forgotten to get Casey a wedding present, and a GP win was the best he could do on short notice.
3. His bike is like, you know, only the slowest bike to have ever been fielded by a factory team in the history of everything, everywhere. There is nothing at all good about this nail.
2. It's that Japanese mentality. They put too much fuel in it. Also, Ducati were cheating.
And the number one reason why Rossi didn't win in Qatar:
With about 3 laps to go, Rossi barged past Stoner, trying to bluff him with one of his patented "I'm-pulling-the-pin-now" moves. Stoner promptly repassed him, putting paid to that, and then proceeded to gap him, in the process setting the fastest lap of the race on the last lap. Rossi could do nothing, and settled for second.
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Round Two
The Top Ten Reasons Why Rossi Did Win In Jerez:
10. Colin Edwards's pity clause worked in his favour this time, as the Texan "Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!" Texan finished on the podium for the first time since... China 2006, a total of 14 races ago. At this rate, he should be on the podium again at Philip Island.
9. His Yamaha was cra-- ... actually, it wasn't so bad, was it?
8. Rossi tried some of Stoner's Vegemite coating on his leathers, and found it had two benefits. The odour of the world's greatest breakfast condiment not only kept Pedrosa and Edwards successfully at bay, but also allowed Rossi to put the hammer down from early on... in an effort to get away from himself.
7. He hadn't won for something like six months, and was obviously a shattered man. Hayden, Melandri and Capirossi personally convinced all the other riders to "let Vale have one".
6. His eight mates standing at the dry sack corner in the ten-pin bowling suits would have looked pretty ....... stupid if he hadn't.
5. Slumming it down with the test riders (Yes, you too, Olivier) during FP3 scared him so much that he invoked an anti-Gibernau curse on himself.
4. After the piss-poor Yamaha that he fronted up with at Qatar Fiat stepped in with some quality parts.
3. Pedrosa would've won, but for problems with a thinning fuel mixture. During the race he kept adding fluids of some description to the tank. Hayden was apparently another victim of Pedrosa's leaky bladder--not that it's an excuse, or anything.
2. Elias got a bad start this year.
And the number one reason why Rossi won in Jerez:
Settling in behind Pedrosa on the first lap, he realised that #26 was looking a little tentative early on. He dived past, quickly established a half-second gap, and that was the race right there. Pedrosa could match him after that, but never got any closer; and then when the tyres went off, Rossi kept on it like they hadn't, recording a comfortable victory that was all class.
[Or it might just die a sad and unlamented death
Round One
The Top Ten Reasons Why Rossi Didn't Win In Qatar:
10. Colin Edwards. The "Texas pre-season bluster" has a new pity clause in his contract, which states that "His Rossifuminess shalt not finish more than 4 places higher than I in 2007."
9. His bike is crap; you know, the one that won a shiny BMW just a couple of weeks beforehand.
8. He thought that it was Gibernau riding that Ducati. "Is ok, no problem. He is fast, but always make little mistake. So I beat him again for sure." And there was that whole curse thing, too.
7. Stoner coats his leathers liberally with Vegemite. Sensitive Latin-type that he is, Rossi's eyes were watering from the strong odour instantly recognisable as the world's greatest breakfast condiment, and that made it impossible for him to stay in Stoner's draft. He could only get close on the slow corners, where there was no wind.
6. His bike is a steaming pile of .....; you know, the one that dominated preseason testing, and led Colin "the Texas Nostradamus" Edwards to predict: "I don't see any reason why Valentino and I can't finish 1 and 2 this year."
5. He knew it would piss Pedrosa off to see Stoner get a win.
4. He'd forgotten to get Casey a wedding present, and a GP win was the best he could do on short notice.
3. His bike is like, you know, only the slowest bike to have ever been fielded by a factory team in the history of everything, everywhere. There is nothing at all good about this nail.
2. It's that Japanese mentality. They put too much fuel in it. Also, Ducati were cheating.
And the number one reason why Rossi didn't win in Qatar:
With about 3 laps to go, Rossi barged past Stoner, trying to bluff him with one of his patented "I'm-pulling-the-pin-now" moves. Stoner promptly repassed him, putting paid to that, and then proceeded to gap him, in the process setting the fastest lap of the race on the last lap. Rossi could do nothing, and settled for second.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Round Two
The Top Ten Reasons Why Rossi Did Win In Jerez:
10. Colin Edwards's pity clause worked in his favour this time, as the Texan "Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!" Texan finished on the podium for the first time since... China 2006, a total of 14 races ago. At this rate, he should be on the podium again at Philip Island.
9. His Yamaha was cra-- ... actually, it wasn't so bad, was it?
8. Rossi tried some of Stoner's Vegemite coating on his leathers, and found it had two benefits. The odour of the world's greatest breakfast condiment not only kept Pedrosa and Edwards successfully at bay, but also allowed Rossi to put the hammer down from early on... in an effort to get away from himself.
7. He hadn't won for something like six months, and was obviously a shattered man. Hayden, Melandri and Capirossi personally convinced all the other riders to "let Vale have one".
6. His eight mates standing at the dry sack corner in the ten-pin bowling suits would have looked pretty ....... stupid if he hadn't.
5. Slumming it down with the test riders (Yes, you too, Olivier) during FP3 scared him so much that he invoked an anti-Gibernau curse on himself.
4. After the piss-poor Yamaha that he fronted up with at Qatar Fiat stepped in with some quality parts.
3. Pedrosa would've won, but for problems with a thinning fuel mixture. During the race he kept adding fluids of some description to the tank. Hayden was apparently another victim of Pedrosa's leaky bladder--not that it's an excuse, or anything.
2. Elias got a bad start this year.
And the number one reason why Rossi won in Jerez:
Settling in behind Pedrosa on the first lap, he realised that #26 was looking a little tentative early on. He dived past, quickly established a half-second gap, and that was the race right there. Pedrosa could match him after that, but never got any closer; and then when the tyres went off, Rossi kept on it like they hadn't, recording a comfortable victory that was all class.
