Joined Jul 2006
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Texas
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HERE is the link for the plagiarism police style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/.....gif
MotoGP race report, Assen
The balance is restored
(30/06/2008)
Now before we start let me point out that I've run out of amusing ways to laugh at something that's boring. You can only laugh at a Pedrosa for so long before you too become mind numbed by the chronic situation. So don't expect a clever or witty review - if you ever did in the first place. Sorry.
Karma. To the less educated it's an Indian meal suitable for girls and 'curious' boys. To other it's the Indian concept of a balance of deeds. Today at Assen we witnessed three types of Karma - the long term, the medium term and the short term. Let's visit them in descending order (it makes more sense that way).
Long Term (1 year) - Casey Stoner.
Last season Casey Stoner was on fire - and not in the Edwards sense. Not only did the Aussie wipe the floor with the opposition he gave it a quality waxing too. Such was his dominance that he'd won the title even before Kawasaki had realised that Olivier Jacque was better as a test rider. If you were to place every single self-loving Foggy quote end-to-end it still wouldn't stretch as long as Stoner's success streak. (Possibly).
Assen, however, last season saw Casey beaten by Valentino Rossi. It was hailed as the greatest race of the season partly because Stoner was usually so good that by lap five he'd be as a small a figure in the distance as Pedrosa is in the foreground. Now you'd think with a surname such as his Casey would go well in Holland but for whatever reason the furry 46 Italian outwitted him for the race win.
The Rossi fans lapped it up. They'd been suffering a long term lack of utter smugness and needed a fix of passive superiority. They spouted such lines as "on real track like Assen we can see who the true champion is", "now that he can't use the Ducati's superior power Casey's nothing" along with "I hate that toothy, Aussie arse."
Even the press hailed it as the greatest race ever - nobody liked Casey. Nobody still does.
To put it right the sulking Aussie needed to win by a country mile and silence them yellow clad, non-Toseland supporters. And, as Karma would have it, that's exactly what he did.
He was fastest in practice by a filthy distance. He was fastest in qualifying. His paddock scooter was handsomely quickest through the IRTAQ speed traps. He was even the quickest in the public lavatory getting in, dropping a log, washing his hands and leaving before poor Melandri had even unfastened his trousers.
Come Sunday it looked fairly certain he'd win the race. And he did. From the off zero-drag boy Pedrosa took to lead but was every bit as powerless to stop Stoner taking the spot back as he would be to stop an orphan girl stealing his dinner money.
Like a 2007 race Stoner then hit the re-heat button and coasted to the line. God it was boring.
Medium Term (1 race) - Randy de Puniet
Last time out at the grime-pit Donington Park the Frenchie Randy de Puniet finished a race without crashing. Really. For the LCR Honda contract panel beaters it was a disaster as their regular supply of money was denied. Most had already spent it. Then there were the frame benders, the handlebar suppliers, the sticker firms and the
leather stitchers, to name but a few, all denied their standing orders because of the thoughtless actions of Randy de Tumblet.
Randy managed this selfish feat at Donington by riding at a safe pace - or a 'slow pace' if you like. But as Assen the crazy frog was looking every bit as stable but a lot faster. Fifth in qualifying signalled a possible new direction.
Karma, for the many disappointed, was needed. It gave Randy a chance. It gave the snooty gastropod the chance to fall off on his own accord through the open corners - but it was not to be. So karma had to step forward and knock Randy off. Their choice, interesting, was to highside the championship leader Valentino Rossi off his Yamaha and into the path of de Puniet. What a mess. Shell and garlic everywhere.
Rossi, for his part, was able to rejoin but had lost so much time that it took him several laps to even catch Melandri.
Meanwhile de Puniet, with a sore leg and broken bike, had learnt his lesson.
Short Term (30 minutes) - Colin Edwards
Throughout his long and average career the Texan Tornado has blown away every chance of winning a MotoGP race. But none more so than at Assen in 2006 when dicing into the last corner of the last lap with Nicky Hayden for the race win (just to inform the confused readers - the decent riders were all in hospital or riding smashed up that day) the toothy American crashed out handing the race to inbred American. It still haunts Colin now - especially when he eats cheese before bed.
His karma came at the expense of Nicky Hayden - but it was not for the aforementioned incident at all. That crash was Edwards' own fault not Nicky's - you can blame the Kentuckian for continuing the problems of inbreeding but not for Colin's last corner calamity.
No this karma was because Colin really deserved a podium today. On the opening lap he was caught in the de Puniet/Rossi melee and was sent to the very back of the field like a naughty Kurtis Roberts. But Colin knows a thing or two about being last and set off again only to then be caught up in de Angelis crashing out. Never trust a rider with 'de' in their name.
Kenny Roberts Jnr would have retired. But this American was no fat quitter and faster than he could say "kiss my ..." the Texan Tornado was gusting through the field like an annoying air-pressure change.
By the last lap of the race Edwards was in fourth behind Nicky Hayden and had set a pace that, despite having to pile through the other riders, would have landed him in second. He really deserved a podium…
Into the final corner of the final lap the American bean-bagger Nicky Hayden ran out of fuel. His mass drag probably didn't help. Honda claim they have a system in place that limits the power when fuel is lacking. Indeed they have. Although turning the engine off when it's all gone probably isn't the most high-tech solution.
Poor Hayden had no option but to freewheel to the line. He ducked down behind his fairing to try to help matters but ended up looking like one of them clowns on a 50cc moped who duck down for extra speed as they blast past at 12 mph.
It did little to help. Colin stole the podium slot and Hayden was gutted.
Losers
Melandri…blah…blah…
Kawasaki had it tough. In qualifying their number one rider John Hopkins suffered a frightening 150mph crash. There's no such thing as a none-frightening 150mph crash but this one ended up breaking John's leg. We all wish him a fast recovery.
Meanwhile their number two rider, in both senses, Anthony West fell off in the race.
But again it was us who were the losers. It now can not be just 'bad luck' - the truth of the matter is that the 800cc rule has ruined the racing. If Assen can't give us a race then nowhere can.
The least smelliest turd
HERE is the link for the plagiarism police style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/.....gif
MotoGP race report, Assen
The balance is restored
(30/06/2008)
Now before we start let me point out that I've run out of amusing ways to laugh at something that's boring. You can only laugh at a Pedrosa for so long before you too become mind numbed by the chronic situation. So don't expect a clever or witty review - if you ever did in the first place. Sorry.
Karma. To the less educated it's an Indian meal suitable for girls and 'curious' boys. To other it's the Indian concept of a balance of deeds. Today at Assen we witnessed three types of Karma - the long term, the medium term and the short term. Let's visit them in descending order (it makes more sense that way).
Long Term (1 year) - Casey Stoner.
Last season Casey Stoner was on fire - and not in the Edwards sense. Not only did the Aussie wipe the floor with the opposition he gave it a quality waxing too. Such was his dominance that he'd won the title even before Kawasaki had realised that Olivier Jacque was better as a test rider. If you were to place every single self-loving Foggy quote end-to-end it still wouldn't stretch as long as Stoner's success streak. (Possibly).
Assen, however, last season saw Casey beaten by Valentino Rossi. It was hailed as the greatest race of the season partly because Stoner was usually so good that by lap five he'd be as a small a figure in the distance as Pedrosa is in the foreground. Now you'd think with a surname such as his Casey would go well in Holland but for whatever reason the furry 46 Italian outwitted him for the race win.
The Rossi fans lapped it up. They'd been suffering a long term lack of utter smugness and needed a fix of passive superiority. They spouted such lines as "on real track like Assen we can see who the true champion is", "now that he can't use the Ducati's superior power Casey's nothing" along with "I hate that toothy, Aussie arse."
Even the press hailed it as the greatest race ever - nobody liked Casey. Nobody still does.
To put it right the sulking Aussie needed to win by a country mile and silence them yellow clad, non-Toseland supporters. And, as Karma would have it, that's exactly what he did.
He was fastest in practice by a filthy distance. He was fastest in qualifying. His paddock scooter was handsomely quickest through the IRTAQ speed traps. He was even the quickest in the public lavatory getting in, dropping a log, washing his hands and leaving before poor Melandri had even unfastened his trousers.
Come Sunday it looked fairly certain he'd win the race. And he did. From the off zero-drag boy Pedrosa took to lead but was every bit as powerless to stop Stoner taking the spot back as he would be to stop an orphan girl stealing his dinner money.
Like a 2007 race Stoner then hit the re-heat button and coasted to the line. God it was boring.
Medium Term (1 race) - Randy de Puniet
Last time out at the grime-pit Donington Park the Frenchie Randy de Puniet finished a race without crashing. Really. For the LCR Honda contract panel beaters it was a disaster as their regular supply of money was denied. Most had already spent it. Then there were the frame benders, the handlebar suppliers, the sticker firms and the
leather stitchers, to name but a few, all denied their standing orders because of the thoughtless actions of Randy de Tumblet.
Randy managed this selfish feat at Donington by riding at a safe pace - or a 'slow pace' if you like. But as Assen the crazy frog was looking every bit as stable but a lot faster. Fifth in qualifying signalled a possible new direction.
Karma, for the many disappointed, was needed. It gave Randy a chance. It gave the snooty gastropod the chance to fall off on his own accord through the open corners - but it was not to be. So karma had to step forward and knock Randy off. Their choice, interesting, was to highside the championship leader Valentino Rossi off his Yamaha and into the path of de Puniet. What a mess. Shell and garlic everywhere.
Rossi, for his part, was able to rejoin but had lost so much time that it took him several laps to even catch Melandri.
Meanwhile de Puniet, with a sore leg and broken bike, had learnt his lesson.
Short Term (30 minutes) - Colin Edwards
Throughout his long and average career the Texan Tornado has blown away every chance of winning a MotoGP race. But none more so than at Assen in 2006 when dicing into the last corner of the last lap with Nicky Hayden for the race win (just to inform the confused readers - the decent riders were all in hospital or riding smashed up that day) the toothy American crashed out handing the race to inbred American. It still haunts Colin now - especially when he eats cheese before bed.
His karma came at the expense of Nicky Hayden - but it was not for the aforementioned incident at all. That crash was Edwards' own fault not Nicky's - you can blame the Kentuckian for continuing the problems of inbreeding but not for Colin's last corner calamity.
No this karma was because Colin really deserved a podium today. On the opening lap he was caught in the de Puniet/Rossi melee and was sent to the very back of the field like a naughty Kurtis Roberts. But Colin knows a thing or two about being last and set off again only to then be caught up in de Angelis crashing out. Never trust a rider with 'de' in their name.
Kenny Roberts Jnr would have retired. But this American was no fat quitter and faster than he could say "kiss my ..." the Texan Tornado was gusting through the field like an annoying air-pressure change.
By the last lap of the race Edwards was in fourth behind Nicky Hayden and had set a pace that, despite having to pile through the other riders, would have landed him in second. He really deserved a podium…
Into the final corner of the final lap the American bean-bagger Nicky Hayden ran out of fuel. His mass drag probably didn't help. Honda claim they have a system in place that limits the power when fuel is lacking. Indeed they have. Although turning the engine off when it's all gone probably isn't the most high-tech solution.
Poor Hayden had no option but to freewheel to the line. He ducked down behind his fairing to try to help matters but ended up looking like one of them clowns on a 50cc moped who duck down for extra speed as they blast past at 12 mph.
It did little to help. Colin stole the podium slot and Hayden was gutted.
Losers
Melandri…blah…blah…
Kawasaki had it tough. In qualifying their number one rider John Hopkins suffered a frightening 150mph crash. There's no such thing as a none-frightening 150mph crash but this one ended up breaking John's leg. We all wish him a fast recovery.
Meanwhile their number two rider, in both senses, Anthony West fell off in the race.
But again it was us who were the losers. It now can not be just 'bad luck' - the truth of the matter is that the 800cc rule has ruined the racing. If Assen can't give us a race then nowhere can.
The least smelliest turd
