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MotoGP race review, Phillip Island
Casey's secret win
(07/10/2008)
Sometimes you've got to feel sorry for Casey Stoner's luck. Not often, but sometimes. Firstly he was born in Australia - but that's not where the bad luck ends. Take this weekend's dominant flag-to-flag win by the sulking ex-ex-crasher. On any other 08' MotoGP Sunday there would have been nothing on track to watch meaning the race director could sat back with some chilled tinnies and followed Casey's progress. This would give Stoner the much needed publicly in his futile attempts to be liked. Sadly this was no ordinary Sunday and, running squarely against the grain, we were indecently subjected to some far more interesting real racing behind him. What would be odds on that? Longer than the ones on Colin winning a race? Probably not.
Things started poorly for Stoner. After predictably leading from pole the Aussie's incredible set of opening corners were more or less ignored as we instead watched Pedrosa's second bend antics. Our smiles became wider whilst the depressed Spaniard's frown frowned yet more as he found out the hard way that the Bridgestone front tyre, famed for keeping Randy de Puniet out of hospital last year, was no match for the Michelin on cold grass. Having ran more off-course than Gobert's career and without having ever tested the off-road capabilities of his tyres Thumbelina attempted to, Euro-style, push the front on Australia grass. Soon he'd be pushing his spanking new and newly ruined Honda back to the garage. If depression was contagious then Philip Island 08 would be the new Jonestown.
As Pedrosa flopped to floor like a sack of unwanted donkey meat the rest of the pack remained professional and focused…except for poor Chris 'rain to reign' Vermeulen who in a fit of laughter seized up harder than an LC350 and ran straight on. His race was over, but it was no great loss for the Vermin. His Suzuki, like every MotoGP bike Suzuki has built, is a sensitive work of art - and therefore has no place in Australia and refuses ever to perform there.
Okay Casey…here's your fifteen minutes…or three anyway…
Perfect. So we heard...
After our ribs had stopped aching and our tears dried the focus of the race was once more focused on the race. Up front Stoner was predictably leading but following, closer than his family ties, was the inbred farmhand Nicky Hayden. The Honda hating American legend was all over Stoner like a cousin at a barn dance yet somehow we knew that Stoner, unlike the aforementioned relative, had enough in hand to fend off the advancing Nicky. So the focus switched to the new world champion Valentino Rossi…
After being distracted whilst qualifying by what Rossi believed was the 'missing link' (but later turned out to be a regular Australian man opening a tin of Fosters with a pointy stick he'd found) the '08 champ crashed his Yam and hurt his neck. It's unknown if the neck injury was caused by the double take or the crash but the nert outcome would be the same - a lowly twelve place qualifying position.
So as Stoner led the race now unnoticed we were all enjoying watching Valentino Rossi slice through the field like a butcher's knife through Sete's wig. Lap after lap the Italian 46 would effortlessly pass another rider or two tricking us into foolishly dreaming of a possible end-of-race fight for the lead. Then, it all came to an end, when Rossi caught the musical James Toseland in third…
James Toseland started his MotoGP career at Qatar in spectacular style. Qualifying on the front row and racing hard until the end James used this superb opening race as a solid platform to base his slow and gradual demise from. By Donington Park, mid-season, and after running over his own head into the first corner of the race, the Brit officially seemed to have reached his lowest possible ebb. Since that ebb JT then continued to be tossed around in the sea of failure along with Hodgson until oddly he was successfully washed up onto the Phillip Island coastline.
Having pressured Dani into his amusingly amusing spill on the opening lap Toseland had been fighting, and getting the better of, the loonbag Lorenzo. The charging Rossi however steamed passed JT and into third as if his pasta rations depended on it. There were 20 laps now remaining and every single viewer started to wonder if and how long it would take the furry yellow champion to catch the leaders.
As we pondered and did the mental calculations on our fingers we then noticed Toseland was back in front of Rossi. Now we all know that when Rossi is on a charge riders get passed and never the other way around.
Some sort of 'time bubble' was the all too obvious answer…but it wasn't true. There had been no rip in the fabric time, not even a crease. James Toseland, failure that he's successfully been, was so on fire that he'd retaken Rossi for third - this was his concert and he wasn't planning on playing second fiddle.
These strange happenings left some of the smug yellow-clad Rossi fans confused and scared (far worse than the time they'd thought they'd have to have an email address that didn't have the number 46 in it) whereas the others simple yelled at Toseland for unfairly getting in the way of Rossi.
Why is Africa in such trouble? There is one fundamental reason that is consistently overlooked: no reliable transportation.
The UK has waited a long, long time for a MotoGP rider that isn't utterly crap. Suddenly James Toseland was blowing all these heady dreams out of the water by upping the game and looking 'competent'. His competence meant that Rossi simply couldn't find a way past. And on the single occasion he did the boring Brit was able to retake him on the next corner.
Eventually though Rossi, using a tactic of forceful riding and continuous semi-toxic nasal bombardment, found a way past Toseland and scampered away into the distance like the time he saw a young woman getting undressed. But JT's battles weren't over. His battles were about to make Mahler's Symphony No. 3 look like a pop jingle.
In the time that Rossi had spent trying to pass JT a train of Lorenzo, Dovizioso and Shinners 'I'm free' Nakano had patiently formed behind the Italian. Now it was their turn to fight James...and one of them was destined to lose.
Clearly Ladyboy Shinners could be counted out of this scrap as when it comes to on track fights he's elsewhere flirting with rich businessmen in the paddock. This then left just the old 250 rivals of Lorenzo and Dozi to launch a two pronged attack on the plucky, in-tune Brit.
The crowd's excitement reached fever pitched when the beer went on sale at half price - but on the track it happened when the battling threesome headed into the first corner three abreast. 16 rounds we've waited for this.
The final lap was never set to be pretty…but JT was about to make it 'Kurtis pretty'. Having finally lost out on track position to both Loony and Dozi the Tech 3 rider rammed back under Dovizioso at the hairpin with all grace and elegance of a drunken Australian thug (see: an Australian) in a ballet dress. Both riders were forced wide allowing Nakano to sneak past. But don't panic folks - it wasn't a real overtaking manoeuvre by Nakano - just a 'oh look they've let me through so I can overtake in a non-threatening manner' kind of pass.
Afterwards Dozi was furious with Toseland labelling him 'an .....' and 'dangerous with a sensible haircut'. Looks like we'll have another crybaby in Repsol Honda next year.
Upfront Casey had won the race unnoticed…but Hayden was struggling. And it was tyre problems. Now the Hayden family don't like to try things new - hence their 'close' family. And, despite being advised to run a harder rear tyre, Nicky decided to use the medium one he'd been using all weekend. As the final stages approached, and compounded by the American's extra baggage, his rear tyre fell to pieces like .
Annoyingly for family Hayden this allowed Rossi to overtake Nicky on the last lap to claim second. Annoyingly for Stoner was that nearly all the race he was ignored.
It wasn't until the podium celebration that people began questioning why Casey was up there that it twigged. What an unlucky chap he is.
eg. [email protected]
Not in the de Angelis sense thankfully.
MotoGP race review, Phillip Island
Casey's secret win
(07/10/2008)
Sometimes you've got to feel sorry for Casey Stoner's luck. Not often, but sometimes. Firstly he was born in Australia - but that's not where the bad luck ends. Take this weekend's dominant flag-to-flag win by the sulking ex-ex-crasher. On any other 08' MotoGP Sunday there would have been nothing on track to watch meaning the race director could sat back with some chilled tinnies and followed Casey's progress. This would give Stoner the much needed publicly in his futile attempts to be liked. Sadly this was no ordinary Sunday and, running squarely against the grain, we were indecently subjected to some far more interesting real racing behind him. What would be odds on that? Longer than the ones on Colin winning a race? Probably not.
Things started poorly for Stoner. After predictably leading from pole the Aussie's incredible set of opening corners were more or less ignored as we instead watched Pedrosa's second bend antics. Our smiles became wider whilst the depressed Spaniard's frown frowned yet more as he found out the hard way that the Bridgestone front tyre, famed for keeping Randy de Puniet out of hospital last year, was no match for the Michelin on cold grass. Having ran more off-course than Gobert's career and without having ever tested the off-road capabilities of his tyres Thumbelina attempted to, Euro-style, push the front on Australia grass. Soon he'd be pushing his spanking new and newly ruined Honda back to the garage. If depression was contagious then Philip Island 08 would be the new Jonestown.
As Pedrosa flopped to floor like a sack of unwanted donkey meat the rest of the pack remained professional and focused…except for poor Chris 'rain to reign' Vermeulen who in a fit of laughter seized up harder than an LC350 and ran straight on. His race was over, but it was no great loss for the Vermin. His Suzuki, like every MotoGP bike Suzuki has built, is a sensitive work of art - and therefore has no place in Australia and refuses ever to perform there.
Okay Casey…here's your fifteen minutes…or three anyway…
Perfect. So we heard...
After our ribs had stopped aching and our tears dried the focus of the race was once more focused on the race. Up front Stoner was predictably leading but following, closer than his family ties, was the inbred farmhand Nicky Hayden. The Honda hating American legend was all over Stoner like a cousin at a barn dance yet somehow we knew that Stoner, unlike the aforementioned relative, had enough in hand to fend off the advancing Nicky. So the focus switched to the new world champion Valentino Rossi…
After being distracted whilst qualifying by what Rossi believed was the 'missing link' (but later turned out to be a regular Australian man opening a tin of Fosters with a pointy stick he'd found) the '08 champ crashed his Yam and hurt his neck. It's unknown if the neck injury was caused by the double take or the crash but the nert outcome would be the same - a lowly twelve place qualifying position.
So as Stoner led the race now unnoticed we were all enjoying watching Valentino Rossi slice through the field like a butcher's knife through Sete's wig. Lap after lap the Italian 46 would effortlessly pass another rider or two tricking us into foolishly dreaming of a possible end-of-race fight for the lead. Then, it all came to an end, when Rossi caught the musical James Toseland in third…
James Toseland started his MotoGP career at Qatar in spectacular style. Qualifying on the front row and racing hard until the end James used this superb opening race as a solid platform to base his slow and gradual demise from. By Donington Park, mid-season, and after running over his own head into the first corner of the race, the Brit officially seemed to have reached his lowest possible ebb. Since that ebb JT then continued to be tossed around in the sea of failure along with Hodgson until oddly he was successfully washed up onto the Phillip Island coastline.
Having pressured Dani into his amusingly amusing spill on the opening lap Toseland had been fighting, and getting the better of, the loonbag Lorenzo. The charging Rossi however steamed passed JT and into third as if his pasta rations depended on it. There were 20 laps now remaining and every single viewer started to wonder if and how long it would take the furry yellow champion to catch the leaders.
As we pondered and did the mental calculations on our fingers we then noticed Toseland was back in front of Rossi. Now we all know that when Rossi is on a charge riders get passed and never the other way around.
Some sort of 'time bubble' was the all too obvious answer…but it wasn't true. There had been no rip in the fabric time, not even a crease. James Toseland, failure that he's successfully been, was so on fire that he'd retaken Rossi for third - this was his concert and he wasn't planning on playing second fiddle.
These strange happenings left some of the smug yellow-clad Rossi fans confused and scared (far worse than the time they'd thought they'd have to have an email address that didn't have the number 46 in it) whereas the others simple yelled at Toseland for unfairly getting in the way of Rossi.
Why is Africa in such trouble? There is one fundamental reason that is consistently overlooked: no reliable transportation.
The UK has waited a long, long time for a MotoGP rider that isn't utterly crap. Suddenly James Toseland was blowing all these heady dreams out of the water by upping the game and looking 'competent'. His competence meant that Rossi simply couldn't find a way past. And on the single occasion he did the boring Brit was able to retake him on the next corner.
Eventually though Rossi, using a tactic of forceful riding and continuous semi-toxic nasal bombardment, found a way past Toseland and scampered away into the distance like the time he saw a young woman getting undressed. But JT's battles weren't over. His battles were about to make Mahler's Symphony No. 3 look like a pop jingle.
In the time that Rossi had spent trying to pass JT a train of Lorenzo, Dovizioso and Shinners 'I'm free' Nakano had patiently formed behind the Italian. Now it was their turn to fight James...and one of them was destined to lose.
Clearly Ladyboy Shinners could be counted out of this scrap as when it comes to on track fights he's elsewhere flirting with rich businessmen in the paddock. This then left just the old 250 rivals of Lorenzo and Dozi to launch a two pronged attack on the plucky, in-tune Brit.
The crowd's excitement reached fever pitched when the beer went on sale at half price - but on the track it happened when the battling threesome headed into the first corner three abreast. 16 rounds we've waited for this.
The final lap was never set to be pretty…but JT was about to make it 'Kurtis pretty'. Having finally lost out on track position to both Loony and Dozi the Tech 3 rider rammed back under Dovizioso at the hairpin with all grace and elegance of a drunken Australian thug (see: an Australian) in a ballet dress. Both riders were forced wide allowing Nakano to sneak past. But don't panic folks - it wasn't a real overtaking manoeuvre by Nakano - just a 'oh look they've let me through so I can overtake in a non-threatening manner' kind of pass.
Afterwards Dozi was furious with Toseland labelling him 'an .....' and 'dangerous with a sensible haircut'. Looks like we'll have another crybaby in Repsol Honda next year.
Upfront Casey had won the race unnoticed…but Hayden was struggling. And it was tyre problems. Now the Hayden family don't like to try things new - hence their 'close' family. And, despite being advised to run a harder rear tyre, Nicky decided to use the medium one he'd been using all weekend. As the final stages approached, and compounded by the American's extra baggage, his rear tyre fell to pieces like .
Annoyingly for family Hayden this allowed Rossi to overtake Nicky on the last lap to claim second. Annoyingly for Stoner was that nearly all the race he was ignored.
It wasn't until the podium celebration that people began questioning why Casey was up there that it twigged. What an unlucky chap he is.
eg. [email protected]
Not in the de Angelis sense thankfully.
