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MotoGP race review, Motegi
Rossi does it whilst we're asleep
(30/09/2008)
So, slumped in our urine stained underwear, we find ourselves here again. And, far more specifically, I find myself here again sat scratching the scab on my head which was formed by me scratching my head all season. What do I write about? I could go off the media standard "Rossi sixth title…blah…blah…amazing…blah…is he or isn't he?....blah…" but to be honest we already know that. We know Rossi's amazing and we know he's now won more races than everyone else put together and times by the number of hairs fallen from Biaggi's head. It's all mathematically very exciting and of course we've been around to witness it…but would you trade it for better racing?
Panic. False rumours circulate that Kurtis is trackside
The Italian 2008 champion summed up the entire drawn-out season after the race. In the glorious years of old when the sun shined, little children played carefree amongst the highly saturated butterflies and Gibbers would crash out comically we would find that when Rossi won a championship he'd rewards us with a full theatrical performance on his cooling down lap. Dwarves, dancing bears in tiny electric cars and Jim Henderson inspired antics were all common place back then. We thought the comedy, the action and drama would never end. We also thought our house value was secure.
Not now. Now we're stuck in the bleak fallout of 2008. This year, after securing his eighth world title Rossi, the theatrical master of old, chose to spend 30 minutes signing a replica helmet at the side of the track. Enthralling it wasn't. But will AGV sell that helmet now as a limited edition run? It was all about the money and not the spectacle - thus making it alarming fitting.
Indeed initial reports claim that it was the dullest championship skit ever. Even Lorenzo, cultured goon that he is, would have been able to entertain us better with his 'near, but actually very cheesy' attempts.
It was a fitting end to the season though…or at least it would have been if that were really the end of the season. The thing is folks we still have three more races left. No really. Count them. And you thought Capirossi's career was dragging on beyond its shelf date…
So what happened in the race? Not much. But, in the interests of me and you staying awake, let's break the race down into three sub-sleeps.
The pretend race
The Motegi track is wide. Very wide. Early calculations state that even now Kenny Roberts Junior and his evil, yet far more likeable, twin could stand side-by-side with enough space to slide an anorexic's playing card between them. Oliver's Mount this circuit isn't -sadly for the Japs. So as the handful of MotoGP riders piled into the first corner the extra wide circuit made the already puny grid look weaker than Pedrosa's predicted mental state. A sad sight.
After the initial 'almost interesting' opening laps an 'almost interesting' situation with the 'not at all interesting' rider Dani Pedrosa was occurring - the lemon infused droid had overtaken the initial leader Stoner and taken the lead.
Now for the little Spaniard to overtake anyone is rarer than Junior's favourite steak but for a rider who wants to be in MotoGP like an Aussie wants to be at a Shakespeare play it was altogether borderline watchable. Was Pedrosa about to show us what he could have done with Bridgestone tyres all along? Was he about to justify upsetting thousand of HRC Japs? Was he to smile? No, but at least we thought of it for a few laps….except for the last bit.
Sadly the saddened Thumbelina couldn't make the break at the front and outgoing champion Stoner soon barged his way back to the front of queue like there was a fire on the Mount Stewart Elphinstone. Following him through, and demoting depressed Dani to the bronze-slot (and thankfully that's not euphemism of anything 'Puig' related), was the pre-world champion Rossi.
Enthralled. The wild Japanese crowd take it up a notch with the excitement
In order not to confuse viewers with any unnecessary interest Dani then chose to fade away like Nakano's post 2008 career leaving the rivals Stoner and Rossi upfront.
In terms of wheel-to-wheel racing Pedrosa's exit was no great loss. But Rossi and Stoner…that could be something else.
And so the scene was set. Were we about to see another clash of the titans where the winner would be all smiles and the loser all sand? Was it to be a classic fight….you know exactly where this sentence is going right? I wont bother finishing it then.
There was no fight. There was no battle. There wasn't even a scuffle, heated debate or annoyed stare. It was, alas, yet another 'French army' affair as Rossi overtook Stoner and then won the race. As boring as a family Raikkonen photo album.
Spot the Prozac user. It's nearly all smiles on the podium
The nearly race
It's not been too often whilst watching a 2008 MotoGP race that we've wished for more laps. Indeed it's probably been far less than never. By lap three we're usually in a state of flicking between staring at the lap count at top right of the screen and our watches as both seem to defy all logic and move slower than Kurtis on a lethargic day.
But as the laps wilted away slowly along with our conscious lives the more alert amongst us (see: not asleep) began to notice some possible imminent excitement. Like when you hear the news that an asteroid the size of Foggy's head could be about to destroy the earth - you know it's not really going to happen but it's exciting to think about the possible excitement. In this case the asteroid was the golden nugget of Lorenzo in fourth and the puny, 'to be obliterated' planet was Depressed Pedrosa. The scene was set and thankfully a crappy Bruce Willis film was nowhere to be seen.
Lap after lap the Lunatic was being sucked into Pedrosa's immeasurable gravitational pull and by the final lap the asteroid had entered the planet's atmosphere. Capirossi could only keep his fingers crossed that the dinosaurs weren't about to cop it again…
But in the MotoGP spirit all excitement was narrowly adverted as the Golden Lunatic, enthusiastic loon that he is, merely clipped Pedrosa's surface and drifted off once more to finish fourth.
The rest of the race.
Yeah some stuff happened. But nobody cared really. Melandri was crap as always and the Slow White Hondas (SWH) trundled around as inoffensively as polenta.
The biggest shock of the day was that Randy de Tumblet didn't fall off - causing riots in Paris…which all ended very quickly when a group of German tourists wandered into the city.
Conclusion
The Japs are a reserved bunch. They don't do emotion - hence Pedrosa's programming. Take an average Japanese bloke. If his family and favourite pet ('Noodles' the Kishu Inu) were all to become hopelessly and gruesomely entwined into a thrashing machine (whatever one of them might be) then our oriental chum would simply bow, wail inside and walk away in a dignified manner that didn't lower the honour of his now thrashed family. But even the reserved Japanese crowd with their reserved haircuts could be heard mumbling 'this is .....' from under their chopsticks such was the utter misery of this race.
MotoGP race review, Motegi
Rossi does it whilst we're asleep
(30/09/2008)
So, slumped in our urine stained underwear, we find ourselves here again. And, far more specifically, I find myself here again sat scratching the scab on my head which was formed by me scratching my head all season. What do I write about? I could go off the media standard "Rossi sixth title…blah…blah…amazing…blah…is he or isn't he?....blah…" but to be honest we already know that. We know Rossi's amazing and we know he's now won more races than everyone else put together and times by the number of hairs fallen from Biaggi's head. It's all mathematically very exciting and of course we've been around to witness it…but would you trade it for better racing?
Panic. False rumours circulate that Kurtis is trackside
The Italian 2008 champion summed up the entire drawn-out season after the race. In the glorious years of old when the sun shined, little children played carefree amongst the highly saturated butterflies and Gibbers would crash out comically we would find that when Rossi won a championship he'd rewards us with a full theatrical performance on his cooling down lap. Dwarves, dancing bears in tiny electric cars and Jim Henderson inspired antics were all common place back then. We thought the comedy, the action and drama would never end. We also thought our house value was secure.
Not now. Now we're stuck in the bleak fallout of 2008. This year, after securing his eighth world title Rossi, the theatrical master of old, chose to spend 30 minutes signing a replica helmet at the side of the track. Enthralling it wasn't. But will AGV sell that helmet now as a limited edition run? It was all about the money and not the spectacle - thus making it alarming fitting.
Indeed initial reports claim that it was the dullest championship skit ever. Even Lorenzo, cultured goon that he is, would have been able to entertain us better with his 'near, but actually very cheesy' attempts.
It was a fitting end to the season though…or at least it would have been if that were really the end of the season. The thing is folks we still have three more races left. No really. Count them. And you thought Capirossi's career was dragging on beyond its shelf date…
So what happened in the race? Not much. But, in the interests of me and you staying awake, let's break the race down into three sub-sleeps.
The pretend race
The Motegi track is wide. Very wide. Early calculations state that even now Kenny Roberts Junior and his evil, yet far more likeable, twin could stand side-by-side with enough space to slide an anorexic's playing card between them. Oliver's Mount this circuit isn't -sadly for the Japs. So as the handful of MotoGP riders piled into the first corner the extra wide circuit made the already puny grid look weaker than Pedrosa's predicted mental state. A sad sight.
After the initial 'almost interesting' opening laps an 'almost interesting' situation with the 'not at all interesting' rider Dani Pedrosa was occurring - the lemon infused droid had overtaken the initial leader Stoner and taken the lead.
Now for the little Spaniard to overtake anyone is rarer than Junior's favourite steak but for a rider who wants to be in MotoGP like an Aussie wants to be at a Shakespeare play it was altogether borderline watchable. Was Pedrosa about to show us what he could have done with Bridgestone tyres all along? Was he about to justify upsetting thousand of HRC Japs? Was he to smile? No, but at least we thought of it for a few laps….except for the last bit.
Sadly the saddened Thumbelina couldn't make the break at the front and outgoing champion Stoner soon barged his way back to the front of queue like there was a fire on the Mount Stewart Elphinstone. Following him through, and demoting depressed Dani to the bronze-slot (and thankfully that's not euphemism of anything 'Puig' related), was the pre-world champion Rossi.
Enthralled. The wild Japanese crowd take it up a notch with the excitement
In order not to confuse viewers with any unnecessary interest Dani then chose to fade away like Nakano's post 2008 career leaving the rivals Stoner and Rossi upfront.
In terms of wheel-to-wheel racing Pedrosa's exit was no great loss. But Rossi and Stoner…that could be something else.
And so the scene was set. Were we about to see another clash of the titans where the winner would be all smiles and the loser all sand? Was it to be a classic fight….you know exactly where this sentence is going right? I wont bother finishing it then.
There was no fight. There was no battle. There wasn't even a scuffle, heated debate or annoyed stare. It was, alas, yet another 'French army' affair as Rossi overtook Stoner and then won the race. As boring as a family Raikkonen photo album.
Spot the Prozac user. It's nearly all smiles on the podium
The nearly race
It's not been too often whilst watching a 2008 MotoGP race that we've wished for more laps. Indeed it's probably been far less than never. By lap three we're usually in a state of flicking between staring at the lap count at top right of the screen and our watches as both seem to defy all logic and move slower than Kurtis on a lethargic day.
But as the laps wilted away slowly along with our conscious lives the more alert amongst us (see: not asleep) began to notice some possible imminent excitement. Like when you hear the news that an asteroid the size of Foggy's head could be about to destroy the earth - you know it's not really going to happen but it's exciting to think about the possible excitement. In this case the asteroid was the golden nugget of Lorenzo in fourth and the puny, 'to be obliterated' planet was Depressed Pedrosa. The scene was set and thankfully a crappy Bruce Willis film was nowhere to be seen.
Lap after lap the Lunatic was being sucked into Pedrosa's immeasurable gravitational pull and by the final lap the asteroid had entered the planet's atmosphere. Capirossi could only keep his fingers crossed that the dinosaurs weren't about to cop it again…
But in the MotoGP spirit all excitement was narrowly adverted as the Golden Lunatic, enthusiastic loon that he is, merely clipped Pedrosa's surface and drifted off once more to finish fourth.
The rest of the race.
Yeah some stuff happened. But nobody cared really. Melandri was crap as always and the Slow White Hondas (SWH) trundled around as inoffensively as polenta.
The biggest shock of the day was that Randy de Tumblet didn't fall off - causing riots in Paris…which all ended very quickly when a group of German tourists wandered into the city.
Conclusion
The Japs are a reserved bunch. They don't do emotion - hence Pedrosa's programming. Take an average Japanese bloke. If his family and favourite pet ('Noodles' the Kishu Inu) were all to become hopelessly and gruesomely entwined into a thrashing machine (whatever one of them might be) then our oriental chum would simply bow, wail inside and walk away in a dignified manner that didn't lower the honour of his now thrashed family. But even the reserved Japanese crowd with their reserved haircuts could be heard mumbling 'this is .....' from under their chopsticks such was the utter misery of this race.
