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MotoGP race report, Jerez
New flavours, same taste
(31/03/2008)
Imagine you'd been eating dry oats for a year. Nothing but oats. Force fed like it or not. Then for the first time in a very long time you'd caught a smell of something delicious. The deep warm aromas fill your senses with memories of times gone by…exciting memories of old.
You wait eagerly for your next meal, it's a long wait but you're almost sure it'll be worth it. And when it arrives? It's a big bowl of dry wheat.
No you're not in the Team FP Petronas canteen the day after the 'auditors' report' – you're in the land of MotoGP where dull now comes in several flavours.
Qualifying sold us the dummy. In fact not only did it sell us it – we left positive feedback. Once again it was the gold anodised head of Lorenzo who was fastest – standing head and shoulders above his hated enemy Pedrosa in second.
Edwards was in third so 'relevant third' went to Nicky Hayden with Rossi behind him.
Cocky champ Stoner had seemingly brought his salad prongs to the qualification BBQ so was surely about to give us a master class into why he's world champion?
This looked like a brilliant race…
Bugger that.
When the blood red lights went out the crappy party began (sadly for all animal lovers that won't have been the first or last time 'blood and party' will have been used in Spain that day). Pedrosa, who in order to eat his own body weight in food only needs a bowl of soup, barged to the front like a German in a Disneyland queue. From that point, and with even less excitement than his life highlights on DVD, rode away to win.
Thumbelina capped the crappy day with the worst attempt at a victory wheelie ever. Points should be docked for making MotoGP look so very crap.
In Thumbelina's wake (which is as powerful as running a wet piece of string through a hot bath) were the factory Yamaha beanheads of Rossi and Lorenzo.
After a steady opening lap furry Rossi steadily steadied himself and began working his way up through the field. It was obvious he was 'going for gold'…but once he'd reached and passed Lorenzo he didn't have enough speed to catch Thumbelina but still had enough to stay quicker than King Midas. The famed 'dull stability' was achieved – so often used in MotoGP to help drive away any new and potentially annoying fans.
Nicky Hayden tried hard to make a race of it. The AMA rustler knows that hard work over brain-power can return great results – the 2006 world championship and that special night in the barn with his half sister being the two stand-out examples.
But for once all his hard work wasn't quite enough. Although finishing in a creditable fourth the Kentucky Simpleton couldn't take the battle to the factory Yams ahead.
At least we had the battle for fifth….and thank goodness for James Toseland.
Loris Capirossi has a recurring nightmare. He's been having it now for a few years. The little Italian dreams that he's running away from a rowdy gang of youths but no matter how hard he tries they keep catching him up. It started last season.
From the off leaky Loris made the break in fifth. Slowly but surely, however, his lead was, like his rating, withered down. By the final lap his nightmare had reached critical mass as he'd lost the place to both James Toseland and Andrea Dovizioso…but he was about to wake up in the nick of time…
The chasing pack had been knocking lumps out of each other all race. The main problem appeared to be Toseland who was showing a perfect example of being in an 'equilibrium state' (i.e. boring off the track interesting on it).
Now JT's Tech 3 Yamaha looks crap. Whoever thought the blocktastic colour scheme would look good should go stand in the corner with Pierre Terblanche. But as well as looking turd JT's Yam goes turd too meaning for the Yorkshire dullard to pass anyone he has to knock the hell out of them mid-corner. And that's exactly what he did – Superbike Style.
It all came to a crescendo on the last corner of the last lap by which time he'd already ruffled Loris and Dozi for fifth. In a desperate attempt to save face and re-pass Toseland Dozi omitted the use of his brakes and piled underneath the Brit gifting tax-friendly Capirossi a glorious opportunity to steal back fifth from the nightmare claws of youth. Horrah!
Meanwhile JT managed to drop back under Dovizioso and then ran him off the track to teach him a valuable lesson.
The rest followed.
Losers? Well how about Ducati? Let's see how their riders got on…
1. Casey Stoner
For the first time since Jerez last season Dingbat Stoner all weekend actually looked Grade 2 (except when he was standing next to Melandri at the press events). Despite trying his very hardest the uncouth Aussie oaf (i.e. Casey Stoner…to clarify which Aussie) found himself running wide and looking a bit rubbish all afternoon. In the end he finished in eleventh which is his worst ever Ducati result.
2. The non-Stoner Ducati riders
They were all utterly crap with Dukes filling up the back row like a Kurtis Roberts convention. Melandri qualified dead last but thanks to the Alice Ducati pairing of Elias and Guintoli having sand pored into their engines and jock straps by factory Ducati he was able to just finish somewhere in front of them.
Work to be done.
So is this what we can expect? There's a common saying on the MGPN article comments. They say 'Bring back the 990's'. Anyone think it's a bad idea?
New flavours, same taste
(31/03/2008)
Imagine you'd been eating dry oats for a year. Nothing but oats. Force fed like it or not. Then for the first time in a very long time you'd caught a smell of something delicious. The deep warm aromas fill your senses with memories of times gone by…exciting memories of old.
You wait eagerly for your next meal, it's a long wait but you're almost sure it'll be worth it. And when it arrives? It's a big bowl of dry wheat.
No you're not in the Team FP Petronas canteen the day after the 'auditors' report' – you're in the land of MotoGP where dull now comes in several flavours.
Qualifying sold us the dummy. In fact not only did it sell us it – we left positive feedback. Once again it was the gold anodised head of Lorenzo who was fastest – standing head and shoulders above his hated enemy Pedrosa in second.
Edwards was in third so 'relevant third' went to Nicky Hayden with Rossi behind him.
Cocky champ Stoner had seemingly brought his salad prongs to the qualification BBQ so was surely about to give us a master class into why he's world champion?
This looked like a brilliant race…
Bugger that.
When the blood red lights went out the crappy party began (sadly for all animal lovers that won't have been the first or last time 'blood and party' will have been used in Spain that day). Pedrosa, who in order to eat his own body weight in food only needs a bowl of soup, barged to the front like a German in a Disneyland queue. From that point, and with even less excitement than his life highlights on DVD, rode away to win.
Thumbelina capped the crappy day with the worst attempt at a victory wheelie ever. Points should be docked for making MotoGP look so very crap.
In Thumbelina's wake (which is as powerful as running a wet piece of string through a hot bath) were the factory Yamaha beanheads of Rossi and Lorenzo.
After a steady opening lap furry Rossi steadily steadied himself and began working his way up through the field. It was obvious he was 'going for gold'…but once he'd reached and passed Lorenzo he didn't have enough speed to catch Thumbelina but still had enough to stay quicker than King Midas. The famed 'dull stability' was achieved – so often used in MotoGP to help drive away any new and potentially annoying fans.
Nicky Hayden tried hard to make a race of it. The AMA rustler knows that hard work over brain-power can return great results – the 2006 world championship and that special night in the barn with his half sister being the two stand-out examples.
But for once all his hard work wasn't quite enough. Although finishing in a creditable fourth the Kentucky Simpleton couldn't take the battle to the factory Yams ahead.
At least we had the battle for fifth….and thank goodness for James Toseland.
Loris Capirossi has a recurring nightmare. He's been having it now for a few years. The little Italian dreams that he's running away from a rowdy gang of youths but no matter how hard he tries they keep catching him up. It started last season.
From the off leaky Loris made the break in fifth. Slowly but surely, however, his lead was, like his rating, withered down. By the final lap his nightmare had reached critical mass as he'd lost the place to both James Toseland and Andrea Dovizioso…but he was about to wake up in the nick of time…
The chasing pack had been knocking lumps out of each other all race. The main problem appeared to be Toseland who was showing a perfect example of being in an 'equilibrium state' (i.e. boring off the track interesting on it).
Now JT's Tech 3 Yamaha looks crap. Whoever thought the blocktastic colour scheme would look good should go stand in the corner with Pierre Terblanche. But as well as looking turd JT's Yam goes turd too meaning for the Yorkshire dullard to pass anyone he has to knock the hell out of them mid-corner. And that's exactly what he did – Superbike Style.
It all came to a crescendo on the last corner of the last lap by which time he'd already ruffled Loris and Dozi for fifth. In a desperate attempt to save face and re-pass Toseland Dozi omitted the use of his brakes and piled underneath the Brit gifting tax-friendly Capirossi a glorious opportunity to steal back fifth from the nightmare claws of youth. Horrah!
Meanwhile JT managed to drop back under Dovizioso and then ran him off the track to teach him a valuable lesson.
The rest followed.
Losers? Well how about Ducati? Let's see how their riders got on…
1. Casey Stoner
For the first time since Jerez last season Dingbat Stoner all weekend actually looked Grade 2 (except when he was standing next to Melandri at the press events). Despite trying his very hardest the uncouth Aussie oaf (i.e. Casey Stoner…to clarify which Aussie) found himself running wide and looking a bit rubbish all afternoon. In the end he finished in eleventh which is his worst ever Ducati result.
2. The non-Stoner Ducati riders
They were all utterly crap with Dukes filling up the back row like a Kurtis Roberts convention. Melandri qualified dead last but thanks to the Alice Ducati pairing of Elias and Guintoli having sand pored into their engines and jock straps by factory Ducati he was able to just finish somewhere in front of them.
Work to be done.
So is this what we can expect? There's a common saying on the MGPN article comments. They say 'Bring back the 990's'. Anyone think it's a bad idea?
