Joined Jul 2006
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Texas
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King Frog's race review
Round 1: Qatar
(15/03/2007)
MotoGP race report - Qatar
No stones for Stoner
(12/03/2007)
In a narrow cobbled street somewhere in Italy there's a family who produce porchetta (roast pork) for a living. They've done so for hundreds of years. They slowly roast a whole pig for 24 hours with a secret family blend of fennel, salt, rosemary and garlic. Out side stray cats continue their hunt for food scraps in the dusty street whilst the army of ants go against the Italian protocol by giving their all in yet another day of hard work. Across the narrow street a man is hitting some piping with a large hammer against the wall startling the birds and resonating a metallic echo down the maze of alleys. He carefully eyes the length of the pipe to check it's straight…then mumbles "near enough's good enough" in pseudo Italian. This man is Ducati's chief engineer and this, ladies and gentlemen, is Ducati HQ.
Ducati have built a bike with an amazing engine. In the 90's an amazing engine for Ducati was one that didn't fall to pieces on the ride home from the showroom - we were told then it was 'character', most argued it was expensive. But in the opening round of the 2007 MotoGP race the most startling fact that punched you in the face like a night out with McWilliams was how fast the Ducati was. Not just fast but blindingly fast.
Take that Japan! They may have been crap in the war and have dubious links to their mothers but Italy are flying the margarita for all us Europeans and allowing us to wave our gaffer tape proudly aloft and tell those rotten Japs to "stick that in your engineering workshops!"
Nobody really expected Casey Stoner to win. We all expected the 13 year old to fall off, but because he was leading we'd at least get to see it this time. Qatar's such a great track to fall off at too - nothing but the odd camel to hit. C'mon! Crash already…
Starting from second on the grid Casey took the lead down the start/finish line for the first time. It was silly. Sillier than Rossi's hair. The big-mouth Australian entered the straight behind the then leader Rossi and ended the straight about 10 seconds in front of Rossi.
In comparison the Punto Yamaha looked slow and heavy as if every single evil germ of Rossi's semi-toxic odour was clinging to tarmac and preventing the Yam from moving.
Around the twisty back section the fading ex-champ could catch back up with Stonehead as the rocketship Ducati was carefully manoeuvred around the tiresome bends. But come the straight the landing scaffolding was released and the rocket fired. Poor Rossi on his 1996 Thundercat had no answer…but did he need a question? Surely all he'd have to do was wait for Stoner to fall? Reflectively on the aeroplane home, whilst his fat friend sat stuffing his face next to him, it dawned on Valentino that maybe Stoner wouldn't fall off this time.
And so it was. Stoner won. An Aussie won the last ever 990 MotoGP race on a Ducati and now an Aussie's won the first ever 800cc race on a Ducati. The pesto was squirted and the wives beaten as Italy and Australia celebrated their successes in their own time-honoured tradition.
Second position was, in the grand scheme, not a bad start for Rossi. Last season he was attacked from behind by fat Toni's chorizo in the opening round - so a definite improvement….probably.
However Rossi didn't leave Qatar happy. His Yam was slow. Not just compared to the Sputnik-Ducati but also the Honda too. For the first half of the race Thumbelina Pedrosa was also easily able to pass Rossi down the straight. Luckily for the Italian the software that controls Dani's courage was suffering a 'divide by zero' error allowing Rossi to outbrake his miniature rival from about 50 meters behind every single time into the first corner. Power assisted brakes for Dani?
Pedrobot finally finished third after losing touch with the leaders at half distance. He instead concentrated on not getting a kicking from the amazing Hooligan Hopkins behind him. Before the race Hooligan's hand was so badly damaged he couldn't even manage to form a fist that he needed to punch some guy he saw with an offensive moustache.
But the pain was overlooked as Hopkins continued Suzuki's offensive push being denied a podium spot by the smallest of margins (and riders).
The Marco Random Number Generator (MRNG) this time provided us with the number five. Mathematicians are studying the stream of numbers produced by the MRNG in hope they can find an association that will unlock the meaning of life, or failing that what's the secret on that island in Lost.
Humans, like all animals, do not cope well with change. Change brings unnecessary stress as we're forced to adapt to altered variables. Continuity, on the other hand, brings comfort so it was with great comfort that Colin 'fast on Monday' Edwards bagged his first sixth place finish of the season. New rules and new riders couldn't stop the American's single-minded approach to occupy the Edwardth slot.
He's the world champion. He has a golden four foot number '1' stuck on the back of his helmet. He's even given himself the nickname of 'trick daddy' after an unfortunate incident at a poorly lit barn dance. But all the titles and all the King's men couldn't put poor Hayden's title back together again.
Eighth place was all the farmhand could manage - it would have been tenth too if Capirossi hadn't fallen off in a desperate attempt not to be outshone and de Puniet hadn't fallen off in a desperate attempt not to smell his own breath.
After the race the Haystack had a face like he'd caught his jib on the first lima thorn of the season indicating all is not well at the farm…
King Frog's race review
Round 1: Qatar
(15/03/2007)
MotoGP race report - Qatar
No stones for Stoner
(12/03/2007)
In a narrow cobbled street somewhere in Italy there's a family who produce porchetta (roast pork) for a living. They've done so for hundreds of years. They slowly roast a whole pig for 24 hours with a secret family blend of fennel, salt, rosemary and garlic. Out side stray cats continue their hunt for food scraps in the dusty street whilst the army of ants go against the Italian protocol by giving their all in yet another day of hard work. Across the narrow street a man is hitting some piping with a large hammer against the wall startling the birds and resonating a metallic echo down the maze of alleys. He carefully eyes the length of the pipe to check it's straight…then mumbles "near enough's good enough" in pseudo Italian. This man is Ducati's chief engineer and this, ladies and gentlemen, is Ducati HQ.
Ducati have built a bike with an amazing engine. In the 90's an amazing engine for Ducati was one that didn't fall to pieces on the ride home from the showroom - we were told then it was 'character', most argued it was expensive. But in the opening round of the 2007 MotoGP race the most startling fact that punched you in the face like a night out with McWilliams was how fast the Ducati was. Not just fast but blindingly fast.
Take that Japan! They may have been crap in the war and have dubious links to their mothers but Italy are flying the margarita for all us Europeans and allowing us to wave our gaffer tape proudly aloft and tell those rotten Japs to "stick that in your engineering workshops!"
Nobody really expected Casey Stoner to win. We all expected the 13 year old to fall off, but because he was leading we'd at least get to see it this time. Qatar's such a great track to fall off at too - nothing but the odd camel to hit. C'mon! Crash already…
Starting from second on the grid Casey took the lead down the start/finish line for the first time. It was silly. Sillier than Rossi's hair. The big-mouth Australian entered the straight behind the then leader Rossi and ended the straight about 10 seconds in front of Rossi.
In comparison the Punto Yamaha looked slow and heavy as if every single evil germ of Rossi's semi-toxic odour was clinging to tarmac and preventing the Yam from moving.
Around the twisty back section the fading ex-champ could catch back up with Stonehead as the rocketship Ducati was carefully manoeuvred around the tiresome bends. But come the straight the landing scaffolding was released and the rocket fired. Poor Rossi on his 1996 Thundercat had no answer…but did he need a question? Surely all he'd have to do was wait for Stoner to fall? Reflectively on the aeroplane home, whilst his fat friend sat stuffing his face next to him, it dawned on Valentino that maybe Stoner wouldn't fall off this time.
And so it was. Stoner won. An Aussie won the last ever 990 MotoGP race on a Ducati and now an Aussie's won the first ever 800cc race on a Ducati. The pesto was squirted and the wives beaten as Italy and Australia celebrated their successes in their own time-honoured tradition.
Second position was, in the grand scheme, not a bad start for Rossi. Last season he was attacked from behind by fat Toni's chorizo in the opening round - so a definite improvement….probably.
However Rossi didn't leave Qatar happy. His Yam was slow. Not just compared to the Sputnik-Ducati but also the Honda too. For the first half of the race Thumbelina Pedrosa was also easily able to pass Rossi down the straight. Luckily for the Italian the software that controls Dani's courage was suffering a 'divide by zero' error allowing Rossi to outbrake his miniature rival from about 50 meters behind every single time into the first corner. Power assisted brakes for Dani?
Pedrobot finally finished third after losing touch with the leaders at half distance. He instead concentrated on not getting a kicking from the amazing Hooligan Hopkins behind him. Before the race Hooligan's hand was so badly damaged he couldn't even manage to form a fist that he needed to punch some guy he saw with an offensive moustache.
But the pain was overlooked as Hopkins continued Suzuki's offensive push being denied a podium spot by the smallest of margins (and riders).
The Marco Random Number Generator (MRNG) this time provided us with the number five. Mathematicians are studying the stream of numbers produced by the MRNG in hope they can find an association that will unlock the meaning of life, or failing that what's the secret on that island in Lost.
Humans, like all animals, do not cope well with change. Change brings unnecessary stress as we're forced to adapt to altered variables. Continuity, on the other hand, brings comfort so it was with great comfort that Colin 'fast on Monday' Edwards bagged his first sixth place finish of the season. New rules and new riders couldn't stop the American's single-minded approach to occupy the Edwardth slot.
He's the world champion. He has a golden four foot number '1' stuck on the back of his helmet. He's even given himself the nickname of 'trick daddy' after an unfortunate incident at a poorly lit barn dance. But all the titles and all the King's men couldn't put poor Hayden's title back together again.
Eighth place was all the farmhand could manage - it would have been tenth too if Capirossi hadn't fallen off in a desperate attempt not to be outshone and de Puniet hadn't fallen off in a desperate attempt not to smell his own breath.
After the race the Haystack had a face like he'd caught his jib on the first lima thorn of the season indicating all is not well at the farm…
