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September 3rd, 2008, 06:22 AM   #1
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MotoGP race review, Misano
Laughing all the way

Sometimes all you can do is laugh...as the saying at the faulty nitrous oxide factory goes. Sometimes when things reach such a level of utter and chronic desperation you find your brain tells you laugh because if you cry you may never return.

"Why the hell are you laughing? Your house has just burnt down, the ashes have now caught fire and that rabid dog's eaten your consecutive jackpot winning lottery ticket stop laughing!"

MotoGP has reached that point. At one time these continuous stream of spaced out time-trials used to get us angry we knew about close racing and we wanted it back. But eventually as each monotonous race has dragged out we've rightfully forgotten what we had. Like Neil Hodgson and a career that produces cash.
The 800cc class has ruined every last bit of racing left in MotoGP. The class was sold to us by Honda and their lemon-infused emotionally-free specimen rider that 800cc machines would be far safer than the 990cc. They lied, but were also correct. Worrying we've seen the speeds go up on the corners, just like in all them Foggy's biographies, which has meant the dangers have increased. Luckily though to tame the peaky 800's came more electronics per bike than in Darth Vader's bathroom. The net result are bikes that are won by a team of nerdy electricians and races that see no racing. So are in fact safer.

Where it's safer on the track it's certainly not off it. In Spain it's now illegal to operate heavy machinery or drive goods vehicles whilst under the influence of MotoGP. Thankfully no Spaniard works with heavy machinery or drives goods vehicles but the country got an EU grant for it non-the-less.

So here we are. We're at the point where all we can do is laugh at MotoGP. Like a Dilbert cartoon you laugh because it's just not funny at all.

Give a chuckle, shrug your shoulders and mumble "another boring race". You knew it was coming and you expected nothing else.

Now that we've lost the borderline suicide MotoGP fans to gravity and rope let's look on the bright side - there were actual reasons to laugh in the Misano race.

Biggest laugh: Casey falling off again.
Can he be convicted of losing his cool? We saw it with Kenny Roberts Junior in 2001 the fat reigning champion suddenly thought 'he' was the king and the centre of the universe but found world soon closed in to crush him. Not literally though imagine the mess?
In qualifying Mr Stoner was at it again. Believing he owned Misano and he was the most important person in the known universe something King Frog would no doubt testify against. Would Rossi act the same? Has Rossi ever acted the same? Of course not which is why Rossi, dubious social life and all, is loved throughout the known universe and Casey isn't.

I hope you weren't drinking at the time because when the screen flicked to Casey Stoner dragging his machine around in the gravel it was laugh out loud time (or LOL time as those annoying mobile users would say).
Up until that point the soured Aussie was looking stronger than Gobert's cellmate.
Throughout qualifying it was again only he and Rossi occupying the top two slots with, significantly however, Stoner being comfortably the faster. We, he, and everyone knew that the only chance of a race, as in a 'race', was for Rossi to cling onto the fleeing convict and unfairly duff him up like he were an Aborigine (or 'eggplant' as they say in America).
The plan failed. Big time. Like when General Leopoldo Galtieri said "Oh! Let's claim them little islands, no one will mind". Stoner was away and in front from the green lights whereas Rossi found his carcass stuck behind Thumbelina Pedrosa. Passing Dani can be difficult. Not so much making the move that's easy as the robotic Spaniard is as brave on the brakes as a Frenchman is on the frontline. The problem, as Rossi found, is one of perspective. Despite Casey being in front of Dani and becoming smaller into the distance the Autralian still remained larger and therefore looked closer than Thumbelina. This sort of thing hurts your brain. Imagine seeing a new primary colour for the first time.
Eventually Valentino was able to shut his eyes for long enough to pass Pedrosa but by which time Stoner had scampered away.
Was the race over? We told ourselves not but lap after lap Rossi failed to make an impression. We all hoped that maybe Stoner's tyres would go off and that we may see a race...
Then Stoner fell. We laughed. Until we realised that the race was over. Rossi's advantage over the rest of the field was bigger than one of KRJR's lose fitting shirts. Race over.

Next laugh: Sulking Pedrosa
What a whiner. It's almost as if Pedrosa, knowing he was hardly the most loved rider, has taken tips from Joseph Stalin on increasing his popularity. Thumbelina's crying game at Brno whilst his sugar daddy pointed the finger and said strong words was a new low. Michelin, even though they're French and therefore probably deserve it, were on the receiving end...so much so that Alberto and Dani managed to get their sponsor Repsol to force a mid-season tyre change to Bridgestone. What will this gain? Except a lot of harsh feelings towards Pedrosa nothing.
It was obviously very sneaky too. Last month Nakano, HRC's constituently worst rider, strangely was upgraded to 2008 factory spec machine. At the time we were all scratching our noodles as he scratched his with success. But now it's obvious...Shinya Nakano is a great tyre technician...who races on Bridgestone's...and now has a 2008 factory spec machine...

So why laugh at this tragic turn of events? Two reasons. Firstly Dani wasn't the first Michelin rider home. How can he complain when he's being beaten? Better still it was an amazing comeback by the Frenchies. After being made to look more stupid than a special school dropout in the Czech Republic Michelin managed to almost match Bridgestone getting five top ten finishes and a podium.
Have they closed the gap? Or was Brno just a really bad day at the office? If either answer is 'yes', and we hope it is, then let's hope Dani continues to get beaten by all.

Nice smile: The winning Spaniards
Completing the podium with Rossi were the two loveable Spaniards of the pack - Lorenzo and Elias.
Lorenzo has proven to us all that having masses of massive injuries is no reason not to compete in highly physical and dangerous activities. Bizarrely the gold-plated hero's body is now so used to producing extra bone material to fix his body that not only does he have to file down his teeth daily but, on a quiet spell, his skeleton has created two extra bones. Both these extra bones have been broken.
But Lorenzo never complains. In the 250 class he was known as being a moody twat with everybody in his team willing to kick him in his throat whilst he was sleeping. But not now. Now he's the loveable, crash-happy astronaut who we all want to see beat Pedrosa. And today he did just that returning to the podium by finishing an excellent second. Amusingly all on the same tyres that Pedrosa claims are rubbish...

Meanwhile Elias has proven that he can extend his 'one career-saving race per season' to a couple. And richer we are for it too. The simple Spaniard started from fifth and soon pushed past the sulking Pedrosa and slotting in behind Lorenzo. Mid race though his form dipped as, incredibly, he claimed he forgot how to ride. With Pedrosa now back all over him like a cheap suit Toni suddenly remembered again and left Thumbelina's frown behind. Awesome and utterly ridiculous. Long live the brilliant Elias.

No laughter.
Not everyone was laughing. Pedrosa aside.
Team Kawasaki had less to laugh about than a Jewish pig farmer. Anthony West, full of big words and confidence, hit the track expecting big things. Edwards anyone? Sadly for Team Greeny-Brown the Brno blip in the fabric of continuity was instantly restored as West's performance headed deep South leaving the Aussie to trundle around near the back...only in front of his team-mate Hooligan Hoppers.
Last season Hoppers finished fourth in the championship. This season he's the last of the regulars. Not good. After missing Friday's practice completely due to injury Hoppers struggled to catch up....then struggled to catch Anthony West in the race. A disaster.

Also not laughing were Team LCR Honda. Randy de Tumbliet has a superb track record of recording track crashes...but at Misano his record is platinum with the crazy frog never having completed a single lap of racing. Today he upheld his honour by smashing up his bike once again before then end of the first lap. Surely to replaced in 2008?
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September 3rd, 2008, 06:51 AM   #2
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cruelty can be so funny [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]
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September 3rd, 2008, 06:58 AM   #3
 
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (xx CURVE xx @ Sep 3 2008, 02:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Up until that point the soured Aussie was looking stronger than Gobert's cellmate.

I love reading these reviews [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]
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September 3rd, 2008, 07:09 AM   #4
 
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Funny and accurate in a sad way. No mention of Suzuki? Reminds me of the Oscar Wilde saying "the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about".
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September 3rd, 2008, 01:00 PM   #5
 
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Absoultly brillent is all I can say. Laugh so hard had to take a break! [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif[/img]
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September 3rd, 2008, 05:42 PM   #6
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Quality stuff, any post that calls Hopper out as an overated twat is good by me.

Unless Tom wrote it.

Pete
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September 3rd, 2008, 06:43 PM   #7
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (xx CURVE xx @ Sep 3 2008, 05:22 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>It's almost as if Pedrosa, knowing he was hardly the most loved rider, has taken tips from Joseph Stalin on increasing his popularity. Thumbelina's crying game at Brno whilst his sugar daddy pointed the finger and said strong words was a new low.
The only good thing to come from such a shitty race was the entertainment value.
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September 3rd, 2008, 06:44 PM   #8
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<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (basspete @ Sep 3 2008, 04:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}><div class='quotemain'>Unless Tom wrote it.

That would require wit; something I don't think he's learned in school.
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September 4th, 2008, 04:32 AM   #9
 
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Those reviews are pretty well written I must say..

Let's see what the next race can offer!
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September 4th, 2008, 12:24 PM   #10
 
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Now THAT'S comedy!
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